Bianca slept wonderfully, slept deeply, without dreams, was just far away. Karel, on the other hand, had been troubled by thoughts around what Bianca had told in the evening. He found himself struggling with anger, rage at her parents who had done this to her. He realised, purely intellectually, that those people had reacted stupidly out of woundedness, but it did not take away his anger. They had broken his girl, destroyed her. Yes, destroyed, it did sound very exaggerated, but it still felt that way to him, because he saw and felt that she was absolutely incapable of being herself. However sweet she was to Julian, he sensed an artificiality in that. He had felt that from the beginning, had doubted it, whether his feeling was right, but he understood now that it was indeed as he had experienced. She lived like a programmed little robot, sweet and kind and gentle, very careful and cautious.

A sob welled up in his throat. Ideally, he would like to draw her against him now, and heal her piece by piece. If only he could...

Thoughts of doubt passed by, whether he would be able to muster the courage to go on month after month, to be there for her, to support her, to encourage her, to empower her from the inside of his soul. He felt the deep glow of his soul flare up, like a powerful fire, and knew that he would be able to do it from there, and it would also remain his desire to do it. It would not become an act of duty. Their soul connection and his soul force, that combination would be strong enough to drive him onward to seek the good for her.

After a few hours, he sank down anyway, into a restless sleep, waking up the next morning confused and anything but rested. He saw that Bianca was still deeply asleep, and decided to take a shower beforehand. Hardly had he closed the door to their bedroom, or he heard Julian talking softly. A smile appeared on his tired face... Julian... his bonus gift! He entered the little fellow's room. The greeting was cordial, happy, from both sides.

"Julian, I'm going to shower. Do you want to shower too? Shall we shower together?"

"Yes! Kade Juja does!"

He stretched out his arms to Karel and allowed himself to be lifted out of the cot. Karel grabbed a clean nappy and a romper for Julian and gestured with a finger in front of his mouth, "Keep quiet, Bianca is still sleeping, Maurice and Jacqueline are still asleep. We are going to walk silently to the bathroom."

Karel opened the door of the room and walked exaggeratedly stealthily down the corridor. Julian, whom he held by the hand, imitated him. In the bathroom, he laid out a towel, undressed them both, and took Julian on his arm to get into the bath together. He set Julian down on the non-slip mat, grabbed the shower head and turned on the tap. He waited until the water was up to temperature, and only then pointed the shower head at Julian. He closed his eyes and said, "Tate, tate wam."

"Yeah, nice warm water huh? Well the shower is going to get Karel wet for a while."

With a flannel and Bianca's shower gel, he soaped them both.

"Banka does," Julian said, pointing to the bottle of shower gel.

"Yes, right, that's Bianca's shower gel."

"Smes good," Julian said, pretending to sniff the scent.

"Smells great, I think so too! Now we both smell like Bianca!"

Karel grabbed the shower head again and started rinsing Julian off. And as he rinsed himself off a moment later, Julian looked at him from head to toe.

He tapped his finger against his penis: "Is da?"

Karel smiled and pointed at Julian: "You have that too, what's that then?"

"Pee? Kade pee, Juja pee..."

Desperate, he looked from one to the other, pointed again and said, "Kade big, Juja litte!" He seemed satisfied with that observation, so Karel left it at that.

He went over them both with the warm shower one more time, turned off the tap and hung up the shower head. He lifted Julian up and got on a towel with him beside the bath, while he started drying him off with another towel.

"Banka!" cheered Julian, seeing her come in.

"Oh sorry, I didn't know you were both..."

Karel turned around smiling. "Never mind, Julian has already discovered me and compared me to himself. It seems I'm approved."

Bianca looked at him, but did not yet dare to look at him from head to toe. She walked up to him and gave him a kiss.

"Kade wet!" laughed Julian.

"Yes, really, Karel is still wet, but you are already dry. Shall I put a nappy on you, then Karel can dry himself too."

Julian nodded and pointed at Karel: "Kade pee too, Kade big, Juja litte."

Bianca burst out laughing, "Your pee-pee is getting bigger too, as you grow, so does your pee-pee."

She noticed she was blushing, not used to talking about it so openly from home. Karel watched the scene as he dried himself. He decided to put his pants on immediately and not embarrass her any further.

"And Mr Julian, do you have to have a drink with Bianca?"

"Yeah! Banka come!"

"Go ahead with Karel, I need to pee for a while."

"Banka also pee? Big pee too?"

"No, Bianca has a small pee-pee. Bianca has a girl pee, Julian a boy pee. With a girl, they are very small."

"Juja look?"

"No, he's so small, you can't look at that. Just go with Karel."

.

When she breastfed Julian on the bed a little later, Karel confided to her that Julian didn't like the fact that a girl's pee was so small you couldn't even look at it. "He thought it was mean. does that really mean 'mean'?"

Bianca chuckled and shrugged. Before she could respond, Julian stopped drinking and said, "Yeah, mean!" and continued drinking again.

Bianca chuckled. "What a great boy you are!"

She looked at Karel. "Did you sleep well actually?"

"No, only a few hours and then restlessly too. I had to go through something, very unpleasant, but it was good."

"What then?" asked Bianca, fearfully suspecting it had to do with her story from the previous evening.

"Anger, an intense anger at what adults do to their children. And yes, your story was the trigger, it was just about you at first, but ultimately about this injustice that so many children suffer, which makes them programmed robots, unable to live from within."

"Do you also see me as a programmed robot?" she asked in bewilderment.

Karel smiled, "No, to me you are Bianca, the sweetest woman who ever appeared on my path, and whom no one will be able to match after yesterday. But I do see that your behaviour is programmed. You do a tremendous job, for Julian, for those around you, everything... It's all double, both for you and for me. I see how you do everything for Julian, but I also see a lot of learned behaviour. Do you recognise that in yourself?"

Bianca thought deeply, trying to analyse her behaviour. "I feel it vaguely, yes, but I wouldn't know how to do otherwise."

"That's where you hit the nail on the head. You can't know either, because you haven't had that example. And how to do it differently? You don't have to do anything, Bianca, don't worry about it, it will disappear on its own. You will suddenly notice the changes one day, when you think back to our first days. When you think back, and feel the difference, you will hardly be able to comprehend how you could change so imperceptibly. All you've experienced in those months then, apart from normal life, are difficult moments of pain and frustration, of anger and sadness, moments when you go through shit. But in those moments you don't notice yet, that you change as a result, that you become more and more yourself. You only see that later, when the mini-changes combine to form bigger changes. Then you start to see and feel the differences. We will get through it together, darling, it will be all right! Julian still needs the other breast, right? Shall I fix breakfast, or would you prefer me to stay with you?"

"Do you still want to stay? I feel like I need that, kind of support."

"Good that you indicate that, I'll stay with you."

Karel laid his head on her shoulder, looking alternately endeared at Julian and in love at Bianca, sighed deeply and whispered, "What a wealth... all the money in the world can't compete with that!"

.

During breakfast, Maurice briefly put his hand on Bianca's arm. "I want to say something to you. I think it's great that you didn't apologise about your outburst last night. That outburst was much needed, and you did it to exactly the right people. Jacqueline and I, and Karel too, can sense perfectly well what happened to you, and what it did to you. We realise that you still have a long way to go, but we are also sure that you will reach the end point, your goal, living life to the full. You are going to be fine, absolutely fine! I dare put my hand in the fire for that."

"No! Mauwies, no fauj, au!" interfered Julian in the conversation.

"Yeah, you're right about that, Julian, all right, I won't really put my hand in the fire, all right?"

Julian nodded and continued munching on his sandwich.

.

It was almost ten o'clock. Karel rang Katja and Maureen's doorbell. Together they waited until Katja opened the door and looked past the group in surprise.

"How nice, that you have come together! Come in!"

Inside, Karel's parents introduced themselves to Katja and Maureen.

"Karel didn't say anything too much, what a beautiful house!" said Maurice.

"Yes, cool hey," Karel responded, "I wanted to come along to see how it had turned out. Doesn't that annoy you ladies?"

"No, not at all. And you Bianca, Julian, how nice to see you again. How are you?"

"Pretty good! Julian has started chatting a lot since a few days. And Karel and I discovered last week that we are soulmates," she added.

"How lovely! Shall we tell our news then too, Katja?" asked Maureen, and as Katja nodded radiantly, "We are soulmates too. We didn't think about it for a moment when we bought this house, but we both went through the necessary pieces of process and... then the click was suddenly around the corner. It took some getting used to, neither of us expected to have such an intense connection with a woman, but it's good."

"Oh yes, definitely!" responded Katja, "we had to overcome quite a bit in ourselves. And in our family it wasn't really accepted, so we left those alone for a while. Neither of us really had friends, but we did share it with Ilse and Ineke, and they were downright happy for us."

"My parents don't know yet," Bianca said, "and I don't really dare to confront them yet either. I am so happy with Karel, but I don't trust my fledgling happiness to my parents yet. Fortunately, Karel's parents are completely different from my parents. To them, I totally belong!" smiled Bianca.

"And Julian too, together they are a huge addition to our family!" complemented Jacqueline.

"That's super! Do you fancy a cup of coffee? Or would you like a guided tour? I'm sure Karel would like a tour..." grinned Katja.

Karel looked at her with a tilted head: "You have really changed, you were so docile, but you have become more spunky."

"True Karel, I have no say here anymore now..." Maureen teased.

"Hahaha that won't be so bad!" laughed Karel.

"You got that right," chuckled Maureen, "we've grown more together. Katja can express herself better now, and I can listen better. Nice results from intense bits of process."

Bianca looked at Karel, who winked at her.

At Maureen's suggestion, they opted for a tour first and then a cup of coffee. They started upstairs, amazed at the metamorphosis of the one bedroom that was now their shared bedroom. And actually they hadn't even changed it that much, just bought a bed to match the style of the washbasin and cabinet. The room next door was now a kind of unused guest room. They had left the downstairs rooms as they had decorated them before their soulmate discovery. They both needed the peace and quiet to do their work, and therefore liked not being on top of each other's lips in the process.

"Maybe it's just something we still have to get used to," Maureen thought, "I can imagine somewhere that when we are further along in our processes again, we might enjoy working side by side. We'll see!"

The guests admired the way they had decorated their exhibition cabinets with beautiful fabrics on which their artworks were beautifully displayed. In Katja's study, Karel was struck by a fairly new work, the Radiant Woman. Like all her artworks, she had fused pieces of glass together for this sculpture. Together, they gave a shape to a woman stretching out. Despite having no obvious face, she looked radiant. Karel decided to buy the artwork, briefly emailed Ilse and was soon sent an invoice, which he paid immediately. He then got Katja's email address so that he could send her a short message, asking if she could secretly pack it for him and put it in the back of his car. He saw that she read the message and looked at him. She typed back: 'Will do! Surprise for Bianca?'

'Yep!'

Katja responded with a thumbs up.

Bianca did see that Karel was busy with his mobile, but did not ask about it. And the fact that Katja got up, told Maureen she had to pack a piece of art because it was about to be picked up, she drew no conclusion from that. Karel could count on it really being a surprise.

Moments later, Katja walked past Karel, whispering and asking if the car was open. He nodded. Katja walked on, with a box under her arm. She went outside and returned a moment later without the box.

Maureen told their guests about rediscovering what she had always loved so much and how she had first made the wedding dress out of candle wax. She had set it out on the dining table, and they had already admired it. She ended her story with: "And that's how it started and I continued it, because it bubbled up so wonderfully from within. With Katja, it happened in a similar way. Do you want to talk about that, Katja?"

"Well, there's not much to tell about it, except that it was the discovery of my life, and most recently, of course, the second discovery of my life that we turned out to be soulmates."

"Crazy question maybe," Bianca began, "and if you'd rather not answer it, it's totally fine by me. But I suddenly wondered, whether you also want children..."

"Quite a good question, quite personal, but not in an annoying way," Katja smiled at Bianca. "We discussed our desires, came to the conclusion that we do like children, but we are not ready to go through all kinds of trajectories. We decided that we would focus on our work and each other, and maybe look after other people's children now and then. Not as a regular job on top, but if it's convenient at times. So if you're in need sometime, just call."

Meanwhile, Maureen packed the wedding dress safely. Since recently, they had standard boxes for it of a few different sizes, and tissue paper to protect their work. It had been an expense for a while, but it worked nicely.

Julian had been quiet all this time. He took everything in, watching both women, seeming to follow their conversations, but not responding to anything. Only when they got up to go home did he dribble towards Katja.

"Kiss?" he asked.

Katja lifted him up and held her cheek out to him. Then she supported him so he could lean towards Maureen to give her a kiss too.

"You are a sweet boy," Katja said, giving him a kiss on his forehead.

Katja and Maureen walked along to the car. Katja put Julian in his seat and hugged Bianca. "Good luck with your men, I'm happy for you!"

The artists waved after the cars until they disappeared from sight.

"What was that, with that artwork you packed? Who came to pick that up?" asked Maureen, curious what she had sold.

Katja chuckled, "Nobody, Karel bought the 'Radiant Woman', surprise for Bianca. I packed it and put the box in the boot of his car."

Maureen grinned: "That Bianca... she's lucky with Karel. It feels good with those two. Karel comes across as very open and hardly wounded, while Bianca still feels like a broken woman. But they really are soulmates, and when I think back to that time in Karel's office... I think he's going to do everything he can to help her heal. He is a special man..."

.

Bianca removed Julian from his car seat. Karel grabbed the nappy bag, walked through to the boot and took out the box Katja had hidden in it. He saw that Bianca hadn't noticed anything yet, that she was busy with Julian. He walked to the front door, unlocked it and preceded his parents inside. He heard Bianca and Julian coming up behind them, talking.

With a "Just a moment!" to his parents, he slipped into the hobby room, opened the box and carefully placed the figurine on his desk. He walked back to the living room and asked his parents if they wanted to stay there with Julian for a moment.

He put his hand on Bianca's shoulder and asked her to come with him to the room next door. "I want to show you something," he explained. He let her go ahead into the hobby room, closed the door behind them and led her to his desk.

"I saw these at Katja's place, and I knew it was you. Katja had called it 'Radiant Woman', despite being made of shards. And so are you. I can so imagine that you mostly feel the shards, and I see those too. But through that, I see a radiant woman. I couldn't leave her there, had a word with Ilse and paid, then emailed Katja. She helped me by packing the figurine and sneaking it into the boot of the car."

Only then did Karel look at her, see that tears were streaming down her face, right across the corners of her smiling mouth. It was so special to see. Her smile was not just an arch of her lips, her smile reached her eyes and made her face shine.

"Wow," he whispered. "I can see it on your face now. You're beaming, and you're crying. The combination is so real..."

Bianca looked at him, wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you, my love, the way I feel and the way you see me, in this one statue... it's so encouraging! And besides, I think it's just amazingly beautiful!"

"Shall we put her in the cupboard in the living room for so long?"

"That seems like a good idea, yes. And if I have enough of that velvety fabric left, shall we use it as a ground and background? Like how Katja and Maureen display their figurines?"

"I think that will look very nice, that purple velvet. That glassware comes out beautifully on dark and bright colours!"

Karel stroked the tears from her face, passed the tips of his index fingers under her eyes and kissed her on her eyes.

"Those were magic kisses, so you only look radiant now!"

Bianca shot into laughter.

"See, just what I said!" laughed Karel.

He gave her another gentle kiss on her mouth and then carefully picked up the figurine. As soon as they entered the living room, the figurine caught the attention.

"Ooooh isse beauty! Katta gas!"

Bianca looked at him smiling. "You saw that right, Julian, Katja makes beautiful figurines out of glass. How well can she do that, hey?"

"Yeah," he sighed, looking at the figurine as if to take in every detail.

Bianca saw, that Jacqueline had tears in her eyes as she looked back and forth from Karel to the 'Radiant Woman'.

"I saw you looking at it, at that cabinet of Katja, and I knew this image had touched you. And then some things happened, you were on your mobile all the time, which I am not used to from you, and suddenly Katja went to pack a figurine that was to be collected.

And then I suspected something else was going on. Did you realise it too, Bianca?"

"No, I did see that he was busy on his mobile, but didn't actually think anything about it. I don't know Karel that well yet, that I didn't know he doesn't actually do that like that. And yes, I did see Katja walk by with that box, but that didn't seem strange either, that was supposed to be collected. So it was like a complete surprise, a wonderful surprise. This figurine shows how broken I am, but Karel sees right through that, sees me as a radiant woman. You said something like that, didn't you?" she asked Karel.

"Absolutely right, you are a radiant woman, and that is visible even through the shards. And the further you get in your healing, the more the shards become memories, and we are only going to experience the radiant in you."

Maurice sniffed his nose noisily. "What a weekend..." he muttered.

"A weekend with a thick golden edge!" he said to Karel a moment later, with a happy face.

"It certainly is, and I'm so glad the five of us got to experience this. It feels so good. It's about Bianca, Julian and me, but you guys feel like a liquid shield around us, something like that... Big grits, what a picture!"

"Biggits!" Julian shouted after him. " Eat!"

They shot into laughter along with Julian.

"Yes, food! Sandwiches?" asked Karel.

"Yeaaaaaaaa settissees!" cheered Julian.

"Tell you what, Julian, we'll put everything on the table, on the garden table, and then we'll spread our sandwiches there."

Julian ran after Karel, waiting to see what he would be allowed to take to the garden. Karel grabbed five plates, and Julian was already extending his hands to take them over. Bianca held her breath, what would Karel do? To her surprise, he handed Julian a plate and walked with him to the garden.

"Let him, he's watching him with eagle eyes," Jacqueline whispered.

Bianca nodded, "It amazes me every time, what he does to protect Julian, but also to include him in his life, to live together. This morning... I was still asleep, Karel wanted to take a shower, heard Julian was awake, and got into the bath with him to shower together. So nice, they used my shower gel. 'Smesse Banka,' said Julian, when I smelled his hair."

As Jacqueline and Bianca walked out with cutlery, and sandwich spread, Jacqueline asked, "And then, how did Julian react to Karel, in the shower, naked?"

Bianca chuckled, "He tapped his finger against his penis and asked what that was. Karel pointed out to his own. And then Julian soberly drew the conclusion that Karel had a big one and he a small one. The only thing he took issue with was that I have a girl's pee-pee, which is so small you can't see it. I didn't see fit to lie wide-legged in front of him. Good grief, I have never talked about these things so openly before, it was really not possible at our house. It just wasn't talked about. I found it a little awkward this morning, but I also noticed that it immediately felt right."

"And that you talk to me so openly about it now... you haven't known me for a full twenty-four hours! That's a sign that you've already broken through a bit in that area. Nice right?"

.

That evening, Julian had already gone to bed, Maurice asked Bianca if she wanted to tell something about Bloemenhof.

"Well, where shall I start? It's a beautiful estate, Bloemenhof. The guesthouse is in front, and further on are the houses of the three couples who are all involved in the guesthouse."

Bianca made a sketch of the estate, and put the names of the residents by the houses. She told about each person's duties and involvement.

"And what I haven't drawn yet is The Shelter. Do you know how it all feels? Like the guesthouse is a kind of base of all kinds of projects around it, like the guesthouse is the basic power, the soul of everything else."

"So there's a lot going on from it, a lot of soul power," Maurice summed up.

"Yes, it is, and it almost feels like they are directing people from there, which is not literally how it happens, but it feels a bit like that. You know, I feel free to tell you all about it, but actually next week you should make your own contacts with the residents, the residents of those three houses. Just take this little sketch with you, then you'll already know the names."

"But you talked about all kinds of projects, can you tell something about that briefly?" asked Maurice continuing.

Bianca took the sketch out again and wrote on the back.

"It started with the court cases. There was so much soul power there that wonderful things happened, just ask Lisa. A kind of project came out of that, speaking in court from your inner self for women who have been abused. That goes worldwide! The second is The Shelter, a project on the estate for abused women, temporary housing. The third is a discovery centre 'I discover myself !', and knowing how you have fought for Karel, I can recommend you definitely visit there. The fourth is a Soul Print Shop, started as an ordinary, general print shop, but through the books of the first two writers, a lot has changed there. This is also like a spider's web. The first writer is Rosalie, who visits Huib and Margreet almost every day. Rosalie's parents have set up the discovery centre. Rosalie herself is a discoverer there. The second discoverer, Jan, is the son of the printer shop couple. Through Jan, Rosalie's stories came to them. And through Jan also the work of the second writer, who is a regular guest at the boarding house. Oh wait, I see I forgot the very first project, which is that digital gallery, the artists' site. That was the first project. Good, so now we have five... the gallery, the court cases, the Shelter, the discovery centre and the print shop. And I expect that there will be many more to come, that a new profession or something similar will be added again and again. That also has to do with the guesthouse guests, they get a huge boost of soul power, then they go back to where they came from... and sometimes pick up other things there. That's where several of our artists come from. Once there was a couple, two women, who live in the same village as Katja and Maureen, they celebrated their wedding week at the guesthouse. Those ladies soon after came up with the idea of starting a special shop in their village, 'Surprise'. They regularly go to an auction, browse around, and feel inside which products they should buy there, because that's what people are going to come for. This seems to be very often bingo, that they have just bought something, and a few days later an unsuspecting customer comes, and is touched by something on sale there... If that isn't soul work? I could talk about it for hours, but I think you should go and look around for yourselves. I am sure you will enjoy it! Just start with Lisa, ask her about the court cases, the newspaper articles about them and about The Shelter. And don't forget to visit Huib and Margreet, preferably when Rosalie is there too, at the end of the afternoon."

"What do you think Jacqueline, does that seem like a good plan to you?"

"I'm looking forward to it, I think it would be great to get to know everything and everyone there!"

Karel smiled. He realised that during that week at and around Bloemenhof, his parents would not only receive, but also give of their own soul power.

To chapter 85. To Bloemenhof

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