In the car, on the way to the store, Margreet asked Huib about Antons visit. He looked at her for a moment, then turned his gaze back to the road. "Anton came perfectly on time, as he often does. That man feels the same way as Dad always did. I was so pissed off, so incredibly angry at those guys who think they can call themselves your parents. Just because there is a biological thread, a blood bond. As if that means something! I almost cut holes in your desk with a big screwdriver, that's how pissed I was. I can't stand injustice, I can't stand it when people destroy other people. And you... they should keep their hands off you! So I stood ranting to myself... and then Anton came in. Two firm hands on my shoulders, which made me able to calmly put down that thick screwdriver. You know what he said? "Potty pissed off? Quite right boy!" That's how Erik was, that's how Anton is too. Anton takes my feelings seriously, doesn't make any effort to talk me out of anything or whitewash anything or whatever. He acknowledges what I feel and holds me a little bit. Like 'I am here for you'. And that was exactly what I needed. I have been ranting to him about the behavior of your parents, about how it hurts me that they have always treated you like that. He listened and only agreed with what I had told him, what I had shouted. He thought I was absolutely right, and that it was good that I had thrown it out to him. And then he told me that he had said to you on behalf of Joke and himself that he longed for you to be a daughter to them, like I am a son to them. You were happy about it huh?"

"Yes, I certainly am! It's not hard to love Anton and Joke and see them as parents. They are just good to us, really good! And the contact with my parents is finito after this week, I'm done with it. I plan to write a little note to them and leave it at their house on Thursday when we pick up my things. Darling, I am so happy, already, while my parents are still here. Breaking free from them, and embracing new parents, Annerieke, and now Anton and Joke. Do you know what I find special about them all? We may call them parents, but actually they are more like friends. They are parents who are not above us, but next to us. That feels good, the relationships are real. And then I also have the best guy in the world as my partner! Could it be any more beautiful? I feel full, totally full, happily full!"

Huib laughed, "You are an incredibly fantastic woman Margreet!"

She looked at him smiling. "I know you mean it, but it doesn't really come in yet. I don't see myself that way, but I do notice that I'm changing. I already feel a lot freer than when I came here."

"Oh yes, you've changed so much already! The rest will come. Especially now that I've met your parents, I know that you'll still have to go through all sorts of things to become completely the Margreet you already are inside."

"All the shit has to come out completely, and that will be quite painful, but I want it! I'm so terribly curious to see what I'll be like when all that shit is gone, when I'm completely healed emotionally..."

Dreamy, she looked out the window at the scenery that was quietly passing them by. "How beautiful it is here, no sign yet of the hustle and bustle of the big cities. I hope it stays that way."

.

The store was bigger than Margreet had imagined. The owner, Daniëlle, had put all the jewelry together in beautiful sets. And in a separate corner were gemstones of all sizes, shapes and colors.

It was quiet. There was one other customer, who was helped by Daniëlle. Margreet didn't mind at all that they had to wait. It gave her the opportunity to look around this beautiful store at her leisure. She couldn't believe her eyes!

"Unbelievable Huib, that she made all this by herself."

"Yes, and that she even has time to keep her store open during the day. I'd like to know how she get that done."

"That's not so hard, we can ask her like that!" Margreet thought.

They heard how the customer and Daniëlle greeted each other and the customer left the store. They turned to Daniëlle, who immediately recognized Huib and introduced herself to Margreet. She glanced fleetingly at Margreet's hands and saw that she had the ring on.

"Hello, nice to see you both now! You have come for loose stones right? For a chest of drawers?"

"Quite right," said Huib, "but I actually have a question about your work first. How do you manage to have the store open and also make so much jewelry? Do you work through the nights too or something?"

Daniëlle laughed, "I don't need much sleep, but I don't work through the nights either. I do work a lot more hours than what people think is normal, but that's because I enjoy my work so much. And you know, I have no partner, no family, so I don't have to take other people into account when it comes to my working hours either. I have a detached house, so no one is bothered by the sounds of my equipment. Just ideal! And yes, I usually work long at night, so I'm never in bed before midnight."

"And you're just fit?" asked Margreet in surprise.

"Oh yes, I'm very fit, and I don't do anything for it. I mean, I don't do any sports, and I don't eat very healthy or anything. I just eat what I like. I do walk to the store here, except when I have to carry too much at once. That's my exercise then. The most important thing for me is that I enjoy my life, my work and my customers. Not all customers, unfortunately, some exude way too much negativity and wounding, that does suck me in, but otherwise everything I do for work is my hobby. I don't actually see it as work either. Everybody calls it like that, but I just do my thing, my hobby, that which I enjoy. But Margreet, that's your name isn't it, how is that ring, is it all right?"

"Yes, fine, as if you had made it for me. And besides, it's exactly what I like, not too conspicuous, but still visible. Jade... I just think it's a beautiful little stone!"

"Made for you, nice of you to say. That's true in some way, that I had made it for you. I didn't know you at all, of course, and neither did I know Huib, but I had made it just the day before Huib came, and sensed how big the ring should be and how it was supposed to look like. I don't have that strong feeling with every piece of jewelry, usually not. I can see how the decoration should be, but not the size. So because this was rather rare, I deliberately put it in a special place and took it in memory that it had happened to that ring. And the very next day Huib was standing in the store, telling me that he wanted to buy a ring for his wife-to-be. I knew it was that ring, picked it up and showed it."

"Yes, I remember," Huib said, "you didn't tell me at the time, but I remember how special it was, that you just picked up a ring and I knew immediately, 'that's it!' I remember asking if it was true that it was jade. And when you confirmed that, I was sure, because Margreet had told me that jade looks so beautiful to her."

"Cool! It matches your eyes perfectly too, not quite the same green, but it fits very well. You know what color would look great on you too? Red, bright red!"

Huib and Margreet shot up in laughter. "I'm knitting a long vest, of bright red wool, a little fluffy wool, but in any case bright red and I just feel that it really is my vest, that it suits me."

"Aha! So you also live from within?" asked Daniëlle.

"Yes, only not yet as well as Huib and as you, but already better than when I met him a few weeks ago."

"You've been through a lot Margreet, broken up by negative words, condemnation, criticism and so on. Is that right?"

Margreet looked at her in surprise: "Yes, that's right. Did you tell that Huib?"

Daniëlle answered for Huib, "No, Huib didn't tell anything substantive about you, he just expressed that he was fond of you. But I learned from a young age, like Huib, to listen to that voice that comes from within, and to feel if it is really that voice, and not a voice of wounding."

"Oh yes, I see what you mean. Usually those wounded voices are pretty good to recognize. I'm feeling the difference better and better. The healthy voice of my inner self feels good, but sometimes proclaims such strange things, things that are totally unrecognizable to me, that I have not learned. Then I have trouble believing that it really is my own inner voice. Like going to live with Huib after only two weeks and telling him that I would love to marry him. Inside I knew that for sure, but it was completely against what I had learned. That was a fierce battle for a while."

"I'm sure it was!" Daniëlle replied, "Just give it time and rest, and you'll be fine. As the wounds heal, the voices that are now chattering out of injury will start to talk more and more with your own inner voice and agree more and more with your voice. I remember that shift well. At first there were entire conversations in my head, conversations full of beliefs and wounds, and at a certain point I noticed that those conversations were still there, but that they became milder and that all those voices started supporting each other more and more, seemed to agree among themselves that the voice of my soul was right. They sounded calmer, more content. Eventually they became more and more one voice. When I tell it like this afterwards, it actually brings me to laughter. All those voices in our heads... don't let the psychiatrists hear it, otherwise they would lock us all up!"

Margreet looked at her in dismay for a moment, but then also burst into laughter, "Oh yes! All schizophrenic, yes, actually we all are! Why haven't we all been given such a label, all people must suffer from it, right?"

"Sure, everyone suffers from that. But be happy that you don't have that label. Life without psychiatry is hard enough while you're still so wounded! Anyway, you were supposed to come today for gems to decorate buttons with."

"That's right," said Huib, smiling broadly, "I've already made a button, so you have an idea how big the stones we're looking for should be."

Daniëlle took the button from him and thought for a moment. "I don't want to make you feel like you're not handy enough, but would it be a good idea if you made enough knobs and I fix the gems on them for you? I'll grind them so they have more grip on the wood... and then I can see immediately if they are really well fixed."

Huib thought for a moment, "That's not even such a bad idea at all, let's do it that way. Is the shape of the knob ideal for you like this, or shall I change it some more?"

"No, make them all like this, it's perfect, the stones can lie nicely in the hollow." She led them to the corner where she had laid out the gems sorted by type. "Here I have all the individual gems. Feel free to take the time you need. I'll probably arrange a box with your name and phone number on it, then we can keep them in it until I get all the buttons from you."

Huib and Margreet nodded and looked at the stones in the display case. How beautiful they were, every one of them. But so many, so many differences!

"You know, I had first thought of doing a different color for each button, nice and bright, but I think I'll come back to it. I think I'd rather stick to one color. This one, this one is really beautiful! What do you think, Huib?"

"I'm trying to see it for myself, and I think you're absolutely right that it would become too motley a mix if you gave each drawer a different color. And I love that brown one, it would go well with the light wood, too."

"Yes, and they are warm in color, and so fun because they are all slightly different. Tigers Eye, it says on the card. Funny name!"

Daniëlle had come to stand by them with a box where she had written down their names and Huibs phone number, which he had given last time. "Special huh, that Tigers Eye. That's the kind of thing I can just stare at for a while, and look again, and turn around and look again. Somehow all those lines seem so structured, and yet it is just so wonderfully natural. There's no ruler involved!"

"True, I've experience the same thing, just looking at those Tigers Eye stones. Totally enthralled, they just get me! Shall we do just the Tigers Eye, Huib?"

"It will be your desk, so you get to choose. But I can tell you, I'm right behind you. They are beautiful!"

"Then the choice is easily made: a Tigers Eye on each button!"

"Pick out the prettiest ones yourself, Margreet, you can put them in the box here."

Margreet felt compelled by her inner self, to take her time, to feel. She let her eyes and her hand wander over the stones, selecting each one. When she had placed them all in the box, she looked at them again. "Pfff, that was special! I experienced a tremendous urge to feel, slow down, and feel. It felt important which one I would take."

"Oh yes, definitely it is. I'm sure it makes a lot of difference whether you choose just anything, or consciously feel which one to choose. You are the one who has to have a click with it! And at the same time it was just a nice exercise in feeling for you?"

"Yes, it was, and I know I succeeded excellent! It just makes me feel hot!" Margreet indeed had blushes on her cheeks. She laughed happily, "They are really beautiful aren't they? I can just see it all the way through, two chests of drawers with these little stones on the knobs... It will be a work of art, Huib!"

Both Huib and Daniëlle agreed with her completely. Huib put the one knob back in his pocket and promised to come by soon with all the knobs. After a warm farewell, Huib and Margreet headed back home.

"What time is it anyway?" asked Margreet.

"Early enough to go and do something nice later on," thought Huib. "What are you in the mood for?"

"No idea, anything and everything, I'm still all full in my head because of those gems. What a beautiful store and what a beautiful woman, that Daniëlle!"

Huib smiled, "Enjoy it all the more!"

To chapter 75. Intense

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