The next morning, after work, Julian appeared to be still sleeping peacefully. Bianca decided to try to take pictures of her dolls' dresses herself. She laid the larger of her two dolls on her bed and carefully put on her the Dutch version of a Spanish dance dress. She brushed the doll's hair and made a braid in it.
She set the doll upright on her table, slightly in front of the window, so she did not have to photograph against the outside light, but could take advantage of that light. She took several photos, turning the doll a quarter turn each time. This way, she got photos from all sides. Finally, she took pictures of the dress, laid flat on the table. She had no idea how Huib wanted to use this for the website, but at least he had enough photos to choose from!
She was almost done with the three dresses she already had, when Julian woke up. He wasn't crying yet, was lying delightfully making some noises, so Bianca could just finish what she was working on. She put both dolls and their dresses in a bag and put it next to the nappy bag. She had agreed with Huib that she would basically go to their house after coffee to work on the website. Then she would take Julian and both bags with her.
She got Julian out of his cot, cuddled him and while changing him, she told him about the pictures of the dolls. He listened with a serious face, alternating with a happy smile and kicking legs and waving arms.
"It's a lot of work little guy, but I like it! And what are you in the mood for today? Would you like to play in Gloria's playpen later? Shall we have a drink at Annerieke's first and then go to Gloria's?"
Julian made a crowing sound. None of it mattered to him, he was enjoying how his little life was now, close to Bianca, and sometimes on Simon's lap or one of the others. He got attention from all sides and was a lovely, happy little fellow.
Bianca took him downstairs, put her bags in a corner and sat down. Simon almost always gave his staff time off at weekends, so he was there this morning too.
"Come with me, Julian," he said immediately and stretched his arms out to him.
"Fine, will you feed him right away?" responded Bianca ad rem.
"Hmm, that's going to be tricky... Just fill up your belly with your mother first, boy, and I'll catch you afterwards!" Simon gave Bianca a wink and got up to grab the coffee pot. "You sit down, lady, you are still walking your legs out of your lovely butthole!" he said to Annerieke, giving her a friendly pat on her behind.
Bianca shot into laughter. "Beautiful couple you are!"
"Beautiful couple?" Annerieke asked quasi indignantly. "He's the weirdo here, not me! But that doesn't take away from the fact that I'm quite tired, so I'm happy to follow your instructions, Simon." She plopped down on the nearest chair and took a mug of coffee from him.
He also poured coffee for Bianca and himself and put the coffee pot in its place. He put an arm around Annerieke's shoulders and asked her, "Getting sick? Or is something bothering you?"
He grabbed the chair next to her and sat down.
Bianca got the feeling for a moment, that she had better go somewhere else for coffee so they could talk about it together. Annerieke saw her agitation, understood what was going on inside her, and said, "Just stay quiet, I have no secrets for you. I dreamt about Erik last night, and in that dream, I missed him so terribly! And then I woke up, you were lying next to me. And I've been upset about it ever since. It's so double, I'm so happy with you Simon, but I miss Erik, even if only in that dream. It feels like a betrayal towards you, like you wouldn't be good enough. Do you know what I mean? You're more than good for me, I know you love me very much, and it's totally mutual. So why then still... why do I miss Erik right through that?"
Simon looked at her in despair for a moment, thinking with a deep frown in his forehead. "It actually affects me too. On the one hand, I don't think it's crazy at all that you miss him, because even though you've gone deeply through that grieving process, you can't erase him, can you? On the other hand, even though our love is deep and mutual, your story makes me suddenly feel my old jealousy coming back." He turned to Bianca for a moment: "I loved Annerieke deeply years ago, experienced a deep soul connection and longed for her so much, but she was happily married to Erik. That was very painful to say the least, very difficult!" He continued to both women, "And now you tell me this, and touched me this in my pain of those years. Not because I fear that your desire for Erik is stronger than your love for me. I feel somewhere that it's not even about that, but how it is, I don't know either. It just hurts, really hurts a lot."
Annerieke looked at him sadly: "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you at all! Although, on the other hand, I do understand that it hurts you... how awkward this is!"
Bianca looked from one to the other, sensing what was going on in them and putting words to it: "Annerieke, could it be, that in you something behind that guilt was touched by that dream, a wound that has something to do with not wanting to hurt another, not wanting to put one above the other, something like that, while in reality there is no such thing at all? And could it also be that with your story you have touched Simon in that deep wound of jealousy and whatever else was probably behind it, so that this wound can now heal a little further? Sorry, just saying what comes to mind. I've been observing you all recently, hearing your stories about that process and going through some of it myself. Could it be something like that, what I just thought?"
Simon looked at her with tearful eyes: "You don't have to say sorry, Bianca, especially when you are nailing it. Your inner voice is starting to make itself heard more and more clearly and, in my opinion, indicates exactly what is going on here. What do you think about that, Annerieke? My part is right in any case!"
Annerieke nodded, relieved: "My part too, you really had it right Bianca. Actually, since our relationship such thoughts went through me more often than I liked. Thoughts in which I compared you, Simon, to Erik, thoughts in which I felt guilty about that... I guess that must have been some kind of pre-work, and now this dream has put the operating knife into it! Pfff, intense!"
"It certainly is, I can see that from both of you. And I want you to know that it means a lot to me, that I can just witness this. It's something so personal between the two of you, and I just get to be there..." Bianca sniffed. Julian let go of her breast, sensing that something was going on. He looked at her with wide eyes.
Bianca smiled at him: "Never mind Julian, I have to cry sometimes, but that's not bad at all, it's really good. Shall I give you the other side?"
Julian laughed again as she turned him over, and continued drinking eagerly.
"Beautiful little fellow, and so beautiful, you together. You feel each other, so obvious," Simon shared what he experienced.
Bianca smiled, and looked at Julian, who sometimes watched her a bit from the corner of his eye.
.
As soon as she finished both her mugs of coffee and Julian had burped at Simon a few times, she stood up. "I'll just get my coat from the washroom, we're going to Huib for that website. I already took pictures this morning and I'm very curious to see how we get on!"
"Nice for you," said Annerieke, "you've made beautiful doll dresses and I'm happy for you that Huib is including you on that website. It's like a digital gallery!"
Simon laughed: "Who knows, maybe one day there will be a real gallery!" He interrupted himself. "That felt very special for a moment, that wasn't just an idea, I wouldn't be surprised if there was a real gallery one day. Can you imagine it Bianca, a gallery with work by Huib and Margreet, by Elly, by you... and many more... something big... in a very special building... I can't see the building in front of me, but I feel it's something very special, and I think I'll be happy to help build it. A mega-project, wow!"
Simon stared silently ahead.
Bianca looked at Annerieke: "If this is not an idea from inside him, I don't know!"
Annerieke shot into laughter: "Exactly, how nice that you experience it the same way! I enjoy every new step we take, and every time it seems to get stronger and bigger. On the other hand, I have a feeling that that real gallery will be a while away. First, may we continue to heal emotionally, and thereby become even stronger, knowing more clearly time after time what we can and want to do. And in the meantime, you are all working on creative things, making a kind of stock, which can be exhibited later. This website seems to be a kind of preparatory gallery. You guys get to play around with it in advance, something like that."
"I think it's something like that," Simon said.
Bianca nodded: "Yes, it looks like that. Do you guys mind if I share it with Huib and Margreet?"
"Of course, you should definitely do that!"
"OK, I'll just go and get my coat..."
She returned a moment later, buttoning up the buttons of her coat. Julian saw her come in and extended his arms to her.
"Would you like to go with Bianca, dude?" Simon gave him a kiss on the cheek and handed him to Bianca. Bianca smiled at him and said, "Thanks, both of you, for everything just before... see you later!"
"See you later, have a good time there!"
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