Sjaak and Lisa looked surprised at Huib and Annerieke. They wondered what was going on. Lisa looked at Margreet questioningly, whereupon Margreet explained in a whisper that today was the year since Erik had crashed. Sjaak only caught a few words of it, but understood what it was about. He had witnessed the shock at the time, had shared in the grief. He noticed that it painfully affected him again.

Through the example of Annerieke and Huib, who had gone straight through their pain and sorrow, their frustration and anger and had come out of it so much better, he had finally had the courage to do the same. Erik had been like a father to him, a teacher and a father, even though he was only half a generation older.

It was Erik who helped him to go through his own process. It was Erik who told him that he could let the nature of the landscape take its own course, that he didn't have to rush to do everything perfectly. Erik had taught him to feel what was needed, to listen to his inner voice. Together with Erik, he had enjoyed the result. It had surprised him that the garden survived so well when he was not pruning and fertilising and watering day and night.

Thanks to that process, he was now able to do his work quietly, to experience his work as his hobby. His new style of working, from the inside of his soul, allowed him to enjoy his work and the garden itself. He still thought he had the best job in the world!

He was startled out of his thoughts when Annerieke held the coffee pot right under his nose and asked him politely if he would like some coffee.

"Oh sorry, my mind was somewhere else for a moment, in another era... Yes, please have some coffee." He consciously sniffed the scent of fresh coffee and looked up at Annerieke. He saw that she nodded at him kindly and knew that she understood where his thoughts had been.

That was so special in this family. They felt so much more from each other than he was used to from his childhood. Simon for instance, who came in, saw only mother and son standing together, and had known what was going on. Sjaak chuckled, because he realised that he had sensed the same from Simon, that he had felt Simon had known immediately.

He looked around the circle. Only Annerieke and Huib had a blood tie, as mother and son. He himself was the first employee, the gardener. He had been a shy young man when he came, shy of people, through years of bullying, exclusion and more misery. When he came to work here, he knew very well what it meant that people did not want him. He noticed that with Erik and Annerieke it was different and that Huib, who was a teenager at the time, acted very normal to him.

Still it took more than ten years, until the end of last year, before he dared to eat and drink coffee with these people here in the kitchen of the guest house. He realised that it was special timing. He came into the kitchen, started to feel really at home there for the first time, and a day later Lisa also came there. Lisa, who at that time was still married to Henk, but was determined to divorce him. During that same weekend, he realised that Lisa was his soulmate, he experienced the soul connection, was upset by it and then very happy. In fact, in no time at all, he was on fire for her, while she was still focused on the fact that she wanted a divorce from the man who had made her life hell with BDSM and forced prostitution. He thought back to the moment when Margreet's parents, also such destructive people, were staying here and made a snide remark to Lisa and him, causing her to flee to the guesthouse washroom, upset. He had gone after her, could not leave her alone in such a state. In his comforting embrace, she too experienced that soul connection, so strong that she later described it as if two extremely strong magnets clicked together and could never be released. She too was confused by what she experienced, but during the dance evening, a standard feast here in the guesthouse on Wednesday evenings, they danced together to that beautiful song by Joe Cocker, 'You are so beautiful to me'. He sang it for her while they danced. That night she went with him to his house, offered herself naked, because that is what she had learned.

Sjaak sighed deeply, it had been a terrible moment. He then urged her to get dressed and take the time to tell. The whole story came out, that Henk had chased her with BDSM and then offered her for sale to whoever wanted to use her services. Only later did it turn out that Henk also performed rituals with those men. Lisa sued the perpetrators for all that abuse, which led to five very special court cases.

His thoughts flashed back to the evening when she told him everything, that he also felt free to tell about his experience with busty women who forced themselves on him against his will. It was so intense, everything that came loose, it gave him a terrible nightmare that night. Then it had been Lisa who lay quietly beside him. She had stayed with him ever since, and despite the fact that she was not even divorced yet and everything went extremely fast, he did not regret a second of it. Lisa and he were one, really one, right through all the injuries they were still dealing with!

After Henk's suicide, Lisa had all his things and his house sold. And in between she arranged the court cases, which they experienced together with the whole family and several befriended couples. Her trials were special because both judge Johan and lawyer Ellen dealt with the suspects from the heart, so that the suspects all came to broadly the same conclusion, namely that this should never have happened. They accepted their punishment, which was kept considerably lower than it otherwise would have been because of their sincere confessions. Journalists and photographers made great articles and pictures, and the ball started rolling in the legal world. Johan got so many reactions, so many questions, that he got the general secretary of that court assigned as his personal secretary, to answer all his correspondence about judging from your soul and living from your soul in general.

Those court cases were hardly over when Lisa commissioned Simon to make a sketch and later a building plan of a shelter for women who were coming out of similar situations. It became a complex of four small houses with a central living room at the back of the estate. The first four women had already moved out, the second quartet now lived there and had a difficult but good time together. Lisa took care of supplies of long-life products, as it was not yet safe for the women to go to the shops themselves. He himself had laid out the gardens for them and maintained them where necessary. They as well as Huib and Margreet visited the women regularly, for a chat, for practical things, and Huib and Margreet especially for some emotional guidance. Huib was really good at that, to support people and lead them in their process of inner healing. It seemed as if he had inherited that spark from his father.

Erik, Huib's father... and now Huib himself was father and Margreet mother, so beautiful! Just a few more months, then Lisa would have to go through that as well. He knew she was not looking forward to it, was afraid she wouldn't be able to do it without a midwife. And yet they both knew, just as Huib and Margreet had known, that they did not need the help of the midwife. It felt good, they knew for sure, but somewhere Sjaak also felt that Lisa was more emotionally broken than Margreet. This made him wonder if she would be able to cope with the pain, the tension, alone with him.

Sjaak looked up, looked at Huib. "Huib, can I talk to you later?"

"Of course, when our ladies are working upstairs, we'll take some time for a serious man-to-man talk," Huib said with a big grin.

Sjaak smiled: "We will!"

.

After breakfast Margreet and Lisa went upstairs to take care of the guests' floor, while Gloria was sleeping in her pram cradle in the kitchen. Sjaak wandered a bit in the corridor, waiting for Huib. A little later they walked together through the laundry room outside, where Huib urged him to pour his heart out.

"To pour my heart out?" asked Sjaak in surprise.

"Yes, there is something on your mind, I see. Throw it out!"

"Well, yeah, that's the thing with this family, everyone sees through you... I'm worried about Lisa, about the delivery later. We both know, and you have confirmed, that we don't need the help of the midwife, but... I think Lisa is more emotionally broken than Margreet and that makes me uncertain. I wonder if she will be able to cope emotionally. I mean, the pain, the tension, can she handle it? In our physical contact things are going well, but I still notice that she regularly suffers from what happened to her in the past. Those blocking moments, you know, then she runs into that trauma again. And a delivery, of course, has everything to do with these female organs, and that makes me quite uncertain about whether she can handle that, whether she won't run into these blockages that will prevent the delivery from happening. Do you understand?"

As Huib listened, he was nodding a little all the time. "Sure, I understand you very well. Not from experience, but I can imagine. So I understand your concerns about it too. While you were talking, something came to my mind... I was thinking about those court cases. What made what happened there so powerful? Do you remember our conversations about that?"

"Yes, because we were there together as a unit. The power of soulmates was palpable there."

"Exactly, that! What came to my mind was that it would be good if Margreet and I stayed around that day, so that we could come straight to you to help. I can imagine that Lisa wouldn't want me there, maybe not even Margreet, but we could stay in your guest room, so you could consult with us. Something like that... Think about it, and talk to Lisa."

Huib saw that Sjaak nodded thoughtfully. "Can you do something with the idea, do you think?"

"Yes, in a way. I know somewhere with certainty that this should be sufficient, but I think I still have to go through a pain point or something, it feels like that. An wound that causes anxiety, something like that."

"Have you shared your concerns with Lisa yet?"

"No, not yet, I don't want to scare or worry her unnecessarily."

Sjaak looked at Huib timidly, feeling that although it sounded loving, he shouldn't keep Lisa out of this. He saw that Huib winked.

"And what do you think about that yourself, Sjaak?"

"That I shouldn't keep her out, even when it comes to my concerns. On the other hand, I wonder if it wouldn't be better if I went through it myself first. Maybe after that I won't have to worry about that birth at all."

"I understand your reasoning, but if you do discuss it with Lisa, you can still go through it afterwards. That process will go on anyway, it won't disappear if you talk to her about it. And it wouldn't surprise me if such a conversation touches her in some way. I wouldn't be surprised if she, consciously or unconsciously, is walking around with the same kind of fears. In any case, giving birth is completely new to her and she has often experienced physical blockages. Perhaps you can poke into her own worries for a moment, so that she can also go through that bit of the process. Just take some time to think about it and follow your heart. Then you will come out of it!"

Huib wanted to leave it at that, because Sjaak had to go through it himself. He gave him a firm pat on the back and with a "I'll hear from you!" he turned around and walked to his work shed.  

To chapter 4. Rosalie

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