Marieke hung out on the sofa with a mug of coffee. She had taken Johan's advice to call in sick. A colleague was standing in for her, which seemed fine, but which she hated deep down. She got up when she finished her coffee, and walked slowly up the stairs. Maybe in the nursery she would brighten up a bit, get a sense, that there were still nice things in life. She knew very well that she was happy about the coming baby, but she felt nothing but woes. The cloud of anxiety, which held her captive yesterday, seemed to have dissolved and given way to a cloud of depressing feelings, as if life had no meaning anymore. How incredibly contradictory it all was!

The nursery was not yet ready. They had painted the window frames and door cream white, stuck a cream-coloured wallpaper on the walls and picked up a nice wooden cradle. She stroked the wooden edge with her hand, thinking of Huib, who had made such a nice bed for themselves. She looked at where she would like to have a dresser, and opposite that, a wardrobe. Could Huib make something like that for them? She would discuss it with Johan this afternoon, or call him later, during lunch.

She looked at the walls again. In itself, she liked cream white, but all in all it was quite boring. If only she could paint, she would paint butterflies on them, lots of them!

Marieke sighed, a sigh of depressing emptiness. It was as if there was nothing left to do when her work fell out. Just imagine if she stopped working altogether! Of course there would be the care of the baby, but that sweet little child would sleep a lot of hours especially at the beginning. What would she have to do then? Clean all day? Wash baby clothes? Come on, she didn't want to fill days with that! Of course she would do what was needed, but things really didn't have to be spotlessly clean!

Johan had talked about discovering what she would really enjoy, in case it wasn't security work, that she would experience an Aha feeling. She couldn't imagine it yet. She strolled through the rooms, pulling open a drawer here and there. Oh yes, that too, she thought as she opened a door in an otherwise unused room. A box of craft supplies from years gone by. These dated back to when she was in high school! She remembered well how she had been fiddling with paper, making all kinds of silly things. And she remembered, when she moved here, that she had been in doubt about whether she shouldn't throw away that junk, as she called it then. It seemed so childish, you should see, all those folding sheets... wasn't that for toddlers? Well, she was a teenager then, an adolescent, and she tinkered with it quite a bit anyway. Apparently it was a little less age-appropriate than it seemed.

She lifted the box, closed the cupboard, and took the box downstairs. She would have a good look at what was inside, and throw away what she would no longer use anyway. She put the box on a chair in the dining area and sat herself down on the chair next to it. One by one, she removed all the packages and other stuff out of the box, laid it scattered across the table. She looked at it, a little confused. She picked up a packet of folding sheets. It was already open, so she could easily pull out a few sheets. Ah come, she immediately pulled out all the sheets. She chuckled. She tried to remember what she did with it in the past, what she made of it. Actually, she didn't remember, she couldn't get it to come to mind, so she just started trying something.

The first folding sheet, like all the others a square, she grabbed at a corner. She started folding, folding very narrow strips so that it became a harmonica figure, not with parallel ridges, but with ridges from that one corner. Actually, it became more like a fan. She smiled when it was done and set it aside. She took another sheet, a different colour, and did the same with it. At this point, no more imagination seemed to dwell in her soul. She thought it was a pit, but on the other hand nice and quiet. She just folded something, always the same, and meanwhile she could let her thoughts take their course.

She already had quite a few fans ready, spread across the table, when she discovered it was time for lunch, at least... for Johan. She would call him first and then have something to eat herself. The moment she grabbed her mobile, it just rang. She smiled, two souls one thought, it was Johan.

"Ha Vlinnie, how was your morning?"

"A bit weird, the anxiety is gone, it was already this morning, but I feel a bit gloomy, depressed all morning. I just stroll around, looked around the nursery and then found an old craft box in the room next door. All old junk from my adolescence. I took it downstairs, did some folding with folding sheets. It feels mighty nonsensical, but doing nothing all day isn't worth anything to me either."

"I can totally imagine that. And this afternoon? On with folding?"

"Oh well, I don't really know yet, maybe when the sun breaks through a bit again, I'll take a stroll in the garden. Oh wait, I wanted to ask you. We still need a dresser and a wardrobe for the nursery. Do you think it's a good idea to ask Huib if he can make that for us?"

Johan immediately got excited. "What a good idea! If you feel like calling him, do! And if not, I'll call tonight myself. Yes, really a good plan, seems like fun if he makes that!"

"Great, then I'll give him a call in a minute! Hey, that just brightens me up a bit already! Just something fun to do, the morning felt so empty," Marieke said. "If I know more, I'll send you a message."

"Don't do that dear, I'm in court this afternoon, so I won't be able to watch it then anyway. I'll hear about it when I get home. If things work out a bit, I can get home a bit on time this afternoon."

"That would be nice, I miss you, weirdo of mine!"

"And I'm glad to hear a little Vlinnie in your voice again. Just take it easy this afternoon, do what you feel like, you just need it for a while! I'm off again, sweetheart, see you this afternoon!"

"Yes, see you then, good luck with that trial!"

"You'll hear from me at home how it went!"

After some delicious smacking kisses back and forth, they concluded their conversation.

Marieke decided to call Huib first. She missed those Bloemenhof people, the family itself, and The Shelter. A lovely environment there, not just the nature, but especially the contacts, so nice! Maybe they had to...

"Hey Huib, Marieke van Velzen speaking! How are you?

"Fine! And both my wives too! Gloria is already almost a year yay, at the end of August. She crawls around nicely, keeps us well occupied. And how are you?"

"Oh, fine... pregnancy isn't too bad so far, oh, wait, I don't think you knew that yet. We're expecting a girl in October."

"A girl? Have you had an ultrasound done?"

"No, I just know, just like Johan just knew I was pregnant, he had experienced an explosion the week before when we hugged each other flat and had known I would be pregnant from that time. I was a bit bothered by it at first, but knew a little later that it was a girl, well, then that pregnancy will be right too, I thought then. And so it is, I already have a little belly."

"Cool yeah! And with your work, is it busy there?" asked Huib.

Marieke sighed deeply: "Not too bad, I called in sick yesterday, so it's nice for my deputy that it's not very busy."

"Called in sick, what's wrong?"

"Yesterday an anxiety attack due to a nightmare about my childhood. I had a lousy day yesterday. And anxiety attacks don't go so well with security, so it was better to call in sick. And I have to be honest, that feels awfully empty. I have no more anxiety at the moment, just wandering around here." She chuckled, "and I found a box with lots of folding sheets, among other things, so I just started folding some. You have to do something... But what I called you for is to ask if you would be up for making us a dresser and wardrobe by October? I remember you had made such a nice rod on that wardrobe for Lisa. I would like something like that too. Would that work out, do you think?"

"Oh yes, I get more than enough orders, but by October it should be fine. Do you have any other preferences?"

"No, I loved Lisa's wardrobe, and just a dresser with some closet space underneath. I also liked that with Lisa, by the way, with open compartments, but I myself prefer doors in front of it."

"Fine, I wrote it down. One more question about your baby, is it true that she will be as much of a butterfly type as you are?"

"Yes! Yes, that's right, I hadn't told you that on purpose. I was curious what kind of decoration you were going to make. But yes, butterflies so, she's going to be as fluttery as me, hopefully nice and free. I don't feel that way at the moment..."

"That will come again, even more than before. You went through a deep anxiety yesterday, probably more of that will come along, and the more that heals, the more you'll feel butterfly-free again!"

"Yes, I know it I will, I've seen it with Johan, and with Lisa, and now it's my turn. Not nice for now, but great for later, let me assume that!"

"Do that! I'm going to put your order on my work list, and then you'll hear from me!"

"Fine Huib, thank you in advance! Give your wives a big hug from me, and have one yourself!"

"Hahaha, I will!"

She could still hear him laughing as she was about to click the conversation away. A smile formed around her mouth and reached her whole face! Excited, she walked to the kitchen, prepared a double-decker sandwich with piccalilli, lettuce, cheese and cucumber, cut the whole thing into quarters and a moment later, sitting at the dining table, enjoyed its fresh taste. As she occasionally brought her sandwich to her mouth with one hand, she looked at the fans and started arranging them with her other hand, laying them half over each other. Two fans formed a butterfly's wing. Two other fans she placed opposite them in mirror image, another butterfly's wing. She put down her sandwich, pushed the plate aside and picked up another folding sheet. She started folding that one too like a harmonica, but in with parallel ridges. She brought the ends together with her thumb and forefinger and placed it between the butterfly wings.

"So, that will be the body. Now just a head with sprites, then I'll have a butterfly!" she said aloud, surprised that her tinkering this morning, which she had found so silly, had given her such a result. She took a folding sheet the colour of the body, cut two strips from it and wrapped it around the ends she had just held together with her thumb and forefinger.

"Well, now to fix it... using tape is not nice, it shines too much. Then let's use glue anyway."

She still had a jar of glue in the box, a jar that had of course become completely clogged up at the tip. With a pin, she picked out the dried glue and started to glue the folds of the body at the ends with a very small drop of glue. Holding it together with her one hand, she wrapped the strip around it to strengthen it and finish it nicely. She secured it with a little glue, in a place she predestined to be the back of the butterfly. She cut off the piece of paper from the strip that was still sticking out. She did the same with the other end of the body, then carefully bent the folds of the body open slightly.

"How do I keep you slightly open?" she wondered aloud... "Well, I'll see about that later, maybe you'll stay a bit open on your own when your wings are attached to your body! We'll see..."

She cut, folded, glued, made feelers and attached all the parts of the butterfly to the body. In this way, she turned it into a beautiful butterfly. There it was on the table, her first work of art of the day, she thought slightly cynically. "Still, it's crazy, such simple work, and then such a funny effect".

She turned the butterfly a little, letting the light fall on it in a different way.

"Actually, those wings are too heavy, they can't be carried by one pleated edge of the body. If I put that butterfly upright, the wings would hang... But I can fix them with a pin in the wallpaper! In the nursery!"

Marieke stood up, searching among her sewing things, which she never did anything more with than once sew up a hole or fix a button. She found a box full of pins. "Yeah, I knew it! I knew I had those, pins without a coloured ball, with only a very small metal cap. Only... if I stick those through the paper, won't the paper eventually tear over that? Then the whole thing will still fall down!"

She decided to resort to a small piece of sticky tape. She took the butterfly, the box of pins and the tape holder upstairs. She tore off a few square pieces of tape and stuck them on the tape holder for now. She opened the box of pins, took out a pin, and pinned it in the middle of a piece of sticky tape. She folded open the middle fold of the butterfly's body slightly, poked the pin through just below the head, diagonally into the wallpaper. With one hand she continued to hold the butterfly, grabbed a second pin with the other, with which she pushed the sticky tape on the first pin deeper into the fold, so that it got stuck there. Step by step, pin after pin she continued, until all the wing fans, the body and the head were pinned to the wallpaper in several places. Then she gently released the butterfly and smiled, "Fly away butterfly, but do come back here, otherwise the wall will remain so bare!"

She saw that the sun was shining full on the butterfly. It looked nice, but wouldn't that make the butterfly's colour fade? In fact, she was pretty sure it would. How could she prevent it?

She untied the net curtain, which they had pulled open to both sides and tied to the wall with a string. There, that made a difference; the sun was shining less brightly on it now.

Furthermore, she was reminded of the hair spray she had bought in the spring. It said it would protect her hair from discolouration by UV rays. Marieke was not someone who did much with her hair, and so the spray stood there unbroken. She grabbed a sheet of printer paper, took the can of spray from the bathroom and decided to open the window and door wide to minimise the smell. She carefully slid the printer paper a bit behind the butterfly to avoid spraying the wallpaper, and lightly sprayed the butterfly at the edges as she moved the printer paper along around the butterfly. Finally, the middle part of the butterfly got a turn until she was sure that everything of the butterfly had received a coat of hairspray over it.

She left the stuff she had used upstairs in the windowsill and on the floor and went downstairs. She felt like making more butterflies, same types as that first one, but also others with more imagination.

.

So it happened that just after four o'clock, Johan found her at the dining table working on the third butterfly, the first in which she dared to make the wings of more colours.

Marieke did notice Johan coming in, but she was so enthusiastically busy that she hardly paid him any attention. Johan looked at her, looked at her plate where part of her sandwich was still on it, looked at the fans that were already finished, and had no idea what she wanted to do with them next. He marvelled, wondering how she had managed this with so many different colours, but said nothing. He was happy for her, that she had found something she could be so delightful with. And the more he looked at the loose fans, and saw the way she was busy, the more he got the feeling, that she had found her deepest form of creativity. Still he said nothing, kissed her only when she looked up with a beaming face. "Sorry, I was so caught up in it, it didn't really dawn on me that you were there. How do you like this?"

"Beautiful, really particularly beautiful, those different colours, I don't understand how you managed that."

"I wondered that at first too, I wanted it so much like this, kind of mixed, all those colours in one fan. Then I started tearing folding sheets into shreds and glued the shreds onto a whole folding sheet. Then I folded them just like the butterflies I pinned on the wall in the nursery. Come along Johan, you really need to see them!"

Ahead of him, she drummed up the stairs and walked into the room.

"What do I smell here?" asked Johan in surprise. "Is that that hair spray?" He saw the spray can on the floor.

"Yes, the one I bought in the spring. It was supposed to protect your hair from fading from the sun. Then I thought, I bet that would also help for those coloured folding leaves. And to block out the sun a bit, I also loosened the net curtain and let it hang shut anyway. Don't you mind?"

Johan looked at her smiling, grabbed her by her shoulders and looked into her happy eyes. "Why? Why should I mind when I see how delightful you have been doing? I'm happy for you! And that wall will become all cheerful, all butterfly!"

He pulled her against him, feeling the joyful excitement of being busy, slowly fade away.

"How did your trial go?"

"Again just like with Lisa. You'd think it should go differently for once, but it goes the same way every time. You should have seen that defendant. A tough guy who mangled a frail woman, had been her pimp. As tough as he was, he sat snickering like a defeated man. I saw Ellen go to him afterwards, talk to him for a moment, take him in her arms while he cried, cried... unbelievable!"

"You are the best judge for all those women, honey, I am so happy for that! And happy for myself, that such a wonderful man is my buddy, my soulmate!"

Beaming, she looked at him: "Dear Weirdo, you were talking about an Aha feeling, such a deep discovery. The switch feels ridiculous, from security to paper folding, but I do think I found my Aha in that! I feel a flow has started, and I don't think I'm going to be able to stop it yet. What do you think? Don't you think it's a ridiculous change?"

Johan shook his head slightly as he looked at her smiling. "No, not at all, it's so much more than stupidly folding some paper. What you make, these first butterflies here, but certainly what you were working on just now, that's art Marieke, Butterfly Art!"

"But I can't earn a splash with it, don't you think that's a problem?"

"No way, I earn enough for the whole family, even if we were to have a whole row of children after this. I don't need luxuries. You, this house with our beautiful garden, soon children, all that is my luxury, I am more than happy with that! So you go ahead, go and find some paper you like, this kind of paper, different paper, I don't care, as long as it makes you happy!"

As they quietly walked downstairs, he asked her if she was hungry yet.

"Well you say so, a bit yes," he said.

"If you go and eat the rest of your lunch in a minute, I'll make you some coffee or tea and then I'll cook at my leisure. Meanwhile, you can finish your third butterfly. At least, I assume that will also be a butterfly?"

"Right yes! Indeed so, I haven't even finished my sandwich yet. Well yeah..."

A little later, Johan joined her with two mugs of coffee. As they drank them quietly, Marieke recounted her conversation with Huib.

"And do you know what I feel like doing? To go there and stay at the guesthouse for a week as soon as schools have started again. Maybe Alexander and Ellen might fancy that too."

"That seems wonderful, Marieke, it's the best place to have a holiday. Would you like it if we ask Marianne along too?"

"Yes, good idea! And also ask her if she'll come again soon for dinner or something. She's such a sociable, sweet woman. You're lucky to have such a colleague!"

"I couldn't agree more!" Johan put his hand under her chin, and lifted her head slightly for a moment so that she was looking at him again. "Still not a speck of jealousy?"

"Jealousy? For Marianne? No, really not, she's the best colleague you could wish for, and I..."

"... and you are the best woman I could wish for. For you no other!" complemented Johan. "Should you ever get unpleasant feelings about it, thoughts of doubt or whatever, will you come to me with it?"

"I promise you that, but I can't imagine it will ever be necessary!"

"I don't expect that either, but still..."

Johan grabbed his mobile, searched the Pension Bloemenhof website and scrolled through the available weeks. "The second week of September is still free. Shall we?"

"Yes, do it!"

Johan filled in the reservation form and got back a strange email from Huib a short time later. He looked at Marieke questioningly: "He writes that he received our reservation, and would like to see us again. But what does he mean by 'tell Marieke that I did it, and that I even really liked doing it to myself'?

Marieke burst out laughing: "I had said he should just give his wives a big hug on my behalf and take one himself. Crazy guy! By the way, he asked if it was true that our daughter was going to be as butterfly-like as I was. Nice huh?"

"Nice confirmation Marieke! Super nice!"

Johan put his hands gently around her face and kissed her.

"Just imagine, another sweet butterfly in the house..."

To chapter 52. The discovery centre website

Or to the Table of contents