Nothing more had come of sleep. Sjaak had spent the rest of the night awake, looking at his sleeping sweetheart. His thoughts and feelings had been shooting in all directions.

Yet in the morning he felt no fatigue, rather he felt he had a surplus of energy. He had taken the plants they had bought yesterday for the boarding garden to the various places where he wanted to place them, and was now using a shovel to make substantial pits into which he could lower them.

Huib, on his way to his barn, saw him busy, madly shoveling. He felt an intense anger which Sjaak threw out while he was working.

The moment the hole was big enough and Sjaak stuck his shovel in the ground next to it to get at the plant, he discovered Huib next to him. Furious, he looked at him. "What is it?" he snarled in a tone that no one in the boarding house family was used to from him.

Huib smiled, "That's what I just came to ask you. What's the matter, Sjaak? You seem to be furious with that soil, you're ramming that shovel into it as if you want to reach the other side of the world. Do you feel the need to pour your heart out?"

Sjaak had the urge to scold Huib, to scream that he should mind his own business, but realized just in time that Huib meant well and was the best person to share some of his feelings with.

"Well yes, I am mighty furious, I would like to ram a certain person upside the head with my shovel until he dropped dead."

He thought for a moment. He didn't want to betray Lisa's trust, didn't want to tell everybody her story, even if it was only Huib.

"I can't actually tell you anything Huib, I can't do that to Lisa. I can only tell you one thing, that what she went through with that Henk... that goes so much further and deeper than we could have imagined. That son of a bitch has heartbroken my girl!" A sob escaped his throat. "And I'll just have to leave it at that, because otherwise the whole story will fly out of my mouth anyway, and I really don't want that."

He saw that Huib nodded, understanding, and continued, "I was horrified when she told me everything, so much pain... and now, now my feelings are focused on Henk and I am unprecedentedly furious. It is as if anger for everything I have ever experienced myself is coming up in there at the same time. As if my own cesspool has also been opened by her story. To be honest, it doesn't just seem that way, it is that way. The beginning of her story made me share something from my own younger years with her, something I have always kept strictly secret from everyone. I felt all the feelings from back then come up through the telling, my fear, my frustration and also anger. So yes, I am mighty furious, at Henk, and at what ever happened to me. Luckily we have a sturdy shovel, it can take a bit!"

He laughed half-heartedly. Huib gave him a firm slap on the shoulder: "Dude, you are going through something very intense, I can feel that. But you're doing it in a good way. You do not hurt anyone with this, and still allow your feelings to come loose. You'll be fine! But if you need me, want to talk to me further, please come, okay? I'll be in the barn until coffee, then I'll have to leave, but I think you'll have had the worst of it by then."

Sjaak nodded, "All right, I promise. Thank you Huib, you're a best friend!"

Huib smiled and with a "Good luck!" he walked to the barn.

To chapter 97. Leaving the old behind

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