Lisa had asked Bianca if she felt like visiting her sometime. She had had a click with her and had enjoyed going to the thrift shop together with Bianca and Margreet.

.

Bianca walked to Lisa's house with Julian on her arm. The young women were genuinely happy to see each other again. While Lisa went to make coffee, Bianca strolled through the living room. She put Julian in the playpen, which Lisa had already bought for their own baby, and stood beside it looking at the tapestry on the wall. Musical notes in a great mass of flames of fire. In the portal-like opening next to the tapestry, the entrance to the music room, she saw a piano. She walked towards the entrance to the room and discovered a cello, and a cabinet that held a violin.

Lisa entered with the coffee.

"What a nice match Lisa, this tapestry next to a room with musical instruments. By the way, it feels really warm, really fiery, this embroidery. Did you make that yourself?"

"No, that's Margreet's work. Sjaak and I are more into music. I regularly play alone, cello or violin, and when Sjaak is around and senses how he can play along, he joins in on the piano. Incredibly cool to play together! Margreet really loves making wall hangings. Small patches and all sorts of threads and this is the result. The tapestry she made for their own room is very different. Just as she doesn't understand how we manage to make music together, I don't understand how she can put together something so beautiful from such silly patches and threads. Just as Sjaak and I feel the music bubbling up, she sees the picture of a tapestry in front of her and just makes what she sees. Huib has that with wood. He especially likes the creative side of his work. A piece of furniture naturally has to be put together, which he calls the basic work. And then to make something special out of that, that's for him what has his heart, that's what he thoroughly enjoys."

"I could already notice that a bit when he told me about the stair gate he made for the attic stairs. That was very standard, but he dreams of refining it, making it really beautiful. It's still easy to do that too, Julian isn't crawling for now."

They sat down together on the sofa, turned slightly towards each other.

"Julian is a nice little guy..."

Lisa deliberately let a silence fall. She hoped Bianca wanted to tell more, but wasn't sure how to ask about it. She saw that Bianca nodded, looking lovingly at the little guy in the playpen.

"Yes, he definitely is. I'm so glad I pushed through, that I let him be born. His father didn't want to know about it, but I told him that this was what I wanted, and that he didn't have to worry about me saddling him with the consequences. It was already clear to me by the way he forced me into sex that his love was not love at all. Maybe for his feelings it was, but it was not what I would understand by love. Love doesn't force, does it?"

"No, definitely not! Love cares for the other person in every way. Love does whatever is right for the other person, so that the other person can live to the full."

"You found that with Sjaak, I think, and Margreet with Huib. I observe these men from time to time, and I see protection, encouragement. There is a longing in them, longing for you girls, a desire to do you justice, something like that. With Annerieke and Simon there is also something like that, but with them it seems to be more from Annerieke to Simon. And yet it is abundantly clear to me that Simon also loves Annerieke very much."

"Great, your eyes are not in the wrong place!" laughed Lisa. "I think it's perfectly correct. Huib and Sjaak are further along in their process of inner healing than Margreet and me. And with Annerieke and Simon it's the other way around, Annerieke is further along. Those who are further along are more the driving force behind their partner's process. But I am convinced that we will increasingly grow towards each other in that area too. I sometimes long to be able to be there for Sjaak in the same way. I said that to him recently, and then he said that I was already there in my own way. Just because of who I am, he feels that I am a kind of engine for him, a source of power. It has, according to him, and somewhere I do believe he is right, to do with interaction, with connection. He doesn't think it's so important who is further along in the process, whereas I still tend to feel guilty sometimes, because then I feel I can't do as much for him."

"What I taste in that," Bianca said gently, "is that it's true what Sjaak thinks about it. It doesn't matter, it's just about what's between you, that connection, that relationship. The way you talk about it, I feel a tremendously strong love, just magnetic and magical!"

"Yes... it is..." said Lisa, looking dreamily ahead. Suddenly she looked straight at Bianca, and started telling about her marriage to Henk, the BDSM and forced prostitution, the court cases and The Shelter.

"It has been almost a year now since what you called magnetic actually happened, that I felt a magnetic click between us. We are inseparable. And in that year, we have been through an incredible amount. What I just told you, about those court cases and the creation of The Shelter. And in between, a deep healing process. Physical contact has been difficult, almost impossible. That I can now enjoy it much more, despite the blockages that still crop up regularly, and am even already pregnant, is a miracle to my mind. But back to you for a moment. How did that go, your pregnancy, your childbirth. And how did the people around you react, your family and friends?"

"The pregnancy went fine. I was a parcel deliverer in Anton's company. My immediate supervisor made sure that I mainly took lighter parcels during the last few months, which was really nice. I deliberately gave birth in hospital because my parents were really not happy with my pregnancy. They thought I should have been more careful, didn't believe I was forced. Friends and girlfriends I didn't have, only colleagues. And they were generally kind, compassionate, helpful. One colleague helped me get the necessary things together. And so, after Julian was born, I was still living in my parents' attic. I ate at their table, but preferably without Julian. They actually couldn't accept him as their grandson."

"What a pity!" exclaimed Lisa. "He's such a delightful little boy! Just imagine, you wouldn't want to embrace such a little fellow... Then you must have a problem yourself."

"They have. They are rather stuck in fear of what other people will say about it. But you tell me, have you finished the baby's room yet?"

Lisa immediately jumped up: "Yes, by and large we do, come and see!"

Bianca briefly glanced at Julian. He had fallen asleep. Lisa saw it too and carefully pulled open the drawer of the playpen to grab a blanket.

"I took that idea from Margreet, a blanket in the drawer of the playpen. When they sleep, they get cold sooner. I have that myself too, by the way."

"Me too, I suppose it's standard, that your organs go into a lower gear then. So does your inner heater."

They walked upstairs, where Lisa preceded her to the nursery. The first thing Bianca noticed was the mural. Separate buildings that seemed dropped into a landscape.

"This was done by Elly, Annerieke's heart friend. It was so beautiful, I had not told her anything about the impressions I had received about our baby, and she came up with the idea to paint it like this. She struggled with it a bit, because she felt it didn't suit a small child. Only then did I tell her, that I had got the impression, that our baby was going to be some kind of architect of special buildings. You know, I actually have a feeling, that most of his designs will be more art than actually going to be built."

"His designs? Are you expecting a baby boy?"

"According to our impressions, yes, but we haven't had an ultrasound done. That does sometimes wring my mind a little, wondering whether my impression will turn out to be correct. But precisely such a creative idea as Elly's, with which she so confirms my impressions about the work that suits him, does encourage me then to believe myself more."

Bianca nodded, trying to follow all that Lisa meant. It was new to her. She realised that in a way she did follow her heart, and could also feel what she liked, but such strong impressions about a yet unborn baby... She said nothing of it, but was already looking forward to how it all would develop!

She stroked the dresser with her hand. "This is anyone's guess, this is Huib's work. And that wardrobe too. How special, such a clothes rail on the side of the wardrobe, nice that you can visibly hang the clothes this way. And that knob, again a special building. How did that come about?"

"From Huib himself, so he also confirms my impression with this."

"Throw your doubts overboard then!" laughed Bianca. "It's a lovely little room, now just a cradle... do you have some on your mind?"

"The cradle Gloria is using now will come here when it's almost time to expect the baby. Annerieke still has a cot, they will then bring it to Gloria's room. And Huib will make a cot for our baby later."

"Great collaboration! Hey, I hear Julian calling."

"I hear him too, let's go downstairs. He's not really crying, it looks like he's babbling."

"He does so," Bianca confirmed. "He cries sometimes you know, but actually very rarely. I think he's becoming a speaker, he's already practising."

"He just might! I wonder what he wants to speak about then."

They laughed at the idea, but somewhere, deep inside Bianca, something began to grow, a piece of certainty that it might be right.

To chapter 12. Bianca goes for it!

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