Huib sat quietly behind his desk, staring at the door that Margreet had just closed behind her. What was this? Who was she? What had he done?

He let pass by what had happened, like a movie. He had hired her immediately, because deep down he knew for sure “it was her”. Just a new staff member, nothing else, he'd thought. He had seen her standing with his mother and had immediately sensed that she was a shy woman. And she was shy, unbelievably, insecure to the bone! He'd felt some revulsion, because she was so different from what he'd imagined. Actually foolish, he had apparently created an image of her himself without having any idea who she was.

When she'd started her story, hesitant at first and then speaking faster and faster, her voice also growing sharper, it had shocked him. First because nothing had seemed right anymore, but soon because he had felt intensely for her. How devastated she must have been, that she was so ashamed of herself! Without thinking, he had got up and had walked over to her, squatting down in front of her. He'd even grabbed her both hands and had looked deep into her big bewildered eyes. Despite the fact that his words had come spontaneously from his mouth, he had also experienced, so bizarre, that he knew her and that he had looked deep into her soul.

Yes, so it was, he mused. He first had felt that he knew her… The frown on his forehead deepened. How could that be? That wasn't possible, he'd never seen her, he'd never heard of her before! And yet he had felt that he knew her, had even felt a little physical shock.

And he had looked deep into her soul. He had never experienced anything like that! And he had seen so much, tasted so much… So much pain, so much confusion, a huge web of thoughts, but also so much fire, so much passion.

Huib shook his head as if to break away from the film. Madness, this was not possible at all. Fire and passion in this extremely shy, insecure woman? Huib, get a grip, he spoke to himself seriously, since when do you see things that are not there? And at the same time he knew: I've always seen things, known things, felt things… that didn't seem to be there.

He kept staring at the door thoughtfully, not knowing what to do with all this information. Again he shook his head, as if he wanted to throw it all away. He looked at the bills and letters on his desk. He had a bit different work to do than to spit into a soul. He looked at his watch, only an hour left to finish the administration. Forcing himself to put Margreet out of his mind, he started to work.

.

Margreet went into her room, grabbed her first suitcase and unzipped it. She dazed at the contents, as if she had no idea what was in her suitcase. She sighed deeply and flopped onto her bed. She saw herself sitting on that chair in the office, with Huib facing her, her hands in his hands, his eyes looking penetratingly into her eyes… She had never experienced this before! Thinking back, she thought it was remarkable that she hadn't found it scary. She'd always hated it when people got so close, grabbed her, or looked at her like they could read her mind! She'd hated it because she just thought it was scary, really scary! People shouldn't come so close. She didn't trust them, she just couldn't trust them!

But when Huib had done this, she had only been stunned and surprised. Yes, she had been surprised that she hadn't been afraid. His eyes had been so close, an arm's length away… and so insistent, but not scary. He had looked right through her, but she had felt no condemnation or contempt, his gaze had been soft, penetrating but soft. And the understanding in his words had sounded so sincere. Even if she made mistakes or misunderstood something in the coming days, it wouldn't be a big deal. That was the feeling his words had given her.

That wasn't possible, was it? Making mistakes she had always considered the most terrible thing, she had always been burned down in that, and she had burned herself down too. And that went so deep that she didn't really dare to receive the intention of Huibs words, she didn’t really dare to believe that it could be that simple. He might have thought and said it that way, but in the deepest sense this could never have been the case, not in practice. She should do everything she could to do her job well, to say the right words, to not make mistakes.

The battle raging inside her was fierce. Huibs voice said reassuring and constructive words, but the voices in her head cut his words down, whereupon his voice resonated with her and the protest started again.

Suddenly she thought of something else he had said, also so unbelievable, so impossible. Family, a member of their family, she, Margreet, would be a member of their family? That also felt too simple! She knew perfectly well that she was a domestic worker, a paid Cinderella. He could tell she wasn't, but that was what she had applied for. Margreet chuckled at the folly she felt in the idea. Family… surely a sister of Huib? She had always wanted to have a brother, but it could never be that simple!

Deep down she was unable to receive what Huib had said from his heart, had shown, what he had made her feel. And that unfortunately confirmed her in her uncertainty…

To chapter 5. The attic room

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