On the web Lisa had found the working hours of her lawyer: from 8 o'clock she could call Ellen. She decided after breakfast to help Margreet first, just because she found it cozy. Margreet had suggested she could get paid for it. She would earn a little less herself, but she would have thought it fairer to Lisa. But Lisa had immediately dismissed that proposal, she felt that what they were doing together was not work, but fun.

As they walked back home, Lisa asked, "So how do you experience it, Margreet, that we're probably not safe here anymore?"

Margreet thought, wondering what she actually felt about it. "It's special, if you just lay out the facts, we should all be scared. You would expect that, but I don't actually notice any fear in anyone. Yes, Sjaak has some, but more in the sense of worrying about you. And I understand that, he absolutely does not want anything to happen to you. But for myself... I know I might be running a risk, but it doesn't bother me. I just hope they won't use me to get to you. Someone who really wants to be evil towards you can easily discover that we are friends and then be able to use me as a kind of hostage to get to you. That seems like a terrible experience for both of us. For myself too because I have no idea what I could do to stop someone like that. I have no idea, it all feels weird, unreal."

"It is. But I'm glad you don't really live in fear. I myself actually don't either, I'm cautious, yes, because I know the facts, but I'm not afraid. It feels unaccustomed and not real. I find the idea that police protection will be arranged very strange. I understand the need, but the idea that there are always people around to keep an eye on everything, that seems really weird! Soon I will start to think of myself as important, a kind of second queen. The queen too always has security guards with her."

Margreet burst out laughing. "You say that like that, starting to think of yourself as important, but do you realize what an important role you have played for high-ranking people? And now that the tide is turning and you are about to open their cesspool of dark misery, you are indeed important! Try to imagine, you in front of that judge. If that judge rules in your favor and puts those guys under lock and key, what does that mean for the world? That means women who go through the same kind of shit will be vindicated. That means punishment for the perpetrators, and freedom for a lot of women. And children too, because these kinds of guys use children for it. I've heard of even children being abused and killed to gain more power through such sacrifices and rituals. Lisa, through your reaction to that difficult period in your life, you can become a liberator!"

Lisa laughed, "That sounds great, but it does sound like you're talking about someone else! I know, that it’s about me, I know the facts, but I just can't manage to feel that way yet. I've always been just such an ordinary girl, and now such an ordinary woman. Who am I all about? I feel worshipped!"

Margreet laughed with her, "I know that feeling of asking 'who am I all about?' But the answer to that question is, we do matter. And to be honest, it's easier for me to see that for you, than for myself. You're going to take on an important court case, I'm going to embroider wall hangings. It feels quite different in importance, but somewhere, very far away, I feel that both are important. I can't explain it, really can't explain it..."

"I can't put it into words yet either, Margreet, but I feel the same way. In one way or another it has to do with what power and light radiating from your soul to the world around you, even though I still have to get used to that idea and I can't really see what that brings about. But what people in general find important...

That again is one of those standard things, one of those beliefs that prevail in our society, that one thing is more important than another. It seems to be a kind of caste model, a thinking in ranks and hierarchies.

What I am going to do may seem more important than what you are doing, but if we both live from the depths of our souls, there is no difference. Then we are both doing something important, both in our own way. You could compare it to the work we do in the guest house. We are "only" cleaners, but imagine if we didn't do it, then no guests would want to come anymore, because it would become a dirty mess. So as cleaning ladies we are just as important as Annerieke, while she is the owner, and provides the most delicious meals and cakes! So that whole problem of which profession or person is more important is fat nonsense!"

Margreet, as she listened to Lisa, tried to take it all in deeply.

"I'm trying to take in what you're saying. Somehow I feel you're right, but there's probably still something in the way here inside to be able to grasp it properly. To be able to experience it as truth, also as my truth."

"Another piece of feeling inferior?"

Margreet grinned at Lisa, "At the very least, that at least yes... feeling less worthy, yes, that at least still gets in the way. Not as bad as it was a few weeks ago, but it hasn't quite healed."

"It will, Margaretha!" Lisa wrapped her arms around her friend and pulled her against her for a moment. Margreet responded by wrapping her arms around Lisa and burst into laughter as they held each other like that.

"My parents should see me like this, they would immediately scold us for being lesbians."

The smile died on her face. "Actually besotted, sorry to say, we're all bloody human beings after all. It's only right to love each other. There can never be anything wrong with true love!"

"No, there really isn't. We did see that last week with Rosanne and Angelique, a great couple right?" Lisa chimed in with her.

"Well, they certainly are! I learned a lot from them." Margreet and Lisa let go of each other again.

Margreet continued, "I grew up with condemning anything that was different from what my mother thought, that I was always condemning myself. Bad example does bad follow! It just gets into your system. Fortunately, I have unlearned the habit of condemning. No, it is not even that, I have become aware of it, and inside there has been healing. I've lost condemnation, that's more what's going on. As a result, condemnation of such women doesn't even occur to me anymore. As long as there is still wounding behind it, you can decide not to condemn anymore, but you cannot prevent it. Even if you don't express it, it will be there."

"Yes, but every time that happens, that wounds behind it does get touched again," Lisa reflected, "and then your soul goes back to work on a piece of healing. So if you experience condemning, it is annoying but not bad, it is only the consequence of that wounds, and meanwhile a piece of it is healing again! What a jumble that process is hey!"

"Really it is... it is a big process, big and complicated. And yet our soul knows exactly what to do."

"Our soul is just a handsome one!" Lisa concluded

They laughed at that conclusion, which sounded childish on the one hand, yet was so true.

"I'm going to give Ellen a call in a minute. What are you going to do until coffee?"

"I'm going to continue working on my vest. I have all the parts ready and am going to sew them together. Then I'm going to knit a collar, one of those nice high ones that folds over on its own, but that you can also hold up when it's cold. I think I'll knit that one separately and then set it in the neck with a sewing stitch. I'll be busy with that for a few hours. And this afternoon, I think I'll go to the thrift store and see if I can find some nice pieces of fabric for wrap skirts. Would you like to come along?"

"I might, I'll let you know at lunch. See you later for coffee!"

To chapter 170. The right people come together

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