After coffee they had enjoyed Marieke's homemade stracciatella ice cream. They had kept their conversations on more neutral ground, discussed serious matters, such as Lisa's situation, but also laughed terribly at silly hunches that didn't make any sense, but just rose to the surface.

By nine o'clock Ellen got up: "Youngsters, I have to go. I hope to get a long night because I have a busy day tomorrow. Do you know what my wish is? That we don't lose track of each other again! It was a wonderful evening, we really should do this more often!"

"Yes hey, we should do it again! I totally agree with you. Too bad you're going home so early," Johan said, thinking in his heart, that it wasn't just a pity, but that he especially loved the fact that he could be together with Marieke for a while.

Deep inside he suspected Ellen of being intentional. Marieke had been honest, and Ellen had probably figured out his feelings a long time ago, too. She wasn't crazy! Really, he wouldn't be surprised if she left already to give them some more time together. Either way, he was grateful to her!

They said goodbye with a friendly embrace and promised each other to keep in touch, and not just now because of their joint work. Together they waved goodbye to Ellen.

Marieke felt uneasy. On the one hand, she had longed for this, to meet Johan, to see him again and to experience that her heart still skipped a beat in his presence, at the sound of his voice. On the other hand, she found it difficult that at the table she had so unexpectedly let out her feelings from back then. And that it was awkward, was mainly because her feelings from back then had now become stronger rather than weaker... What to do next?

While Johan sat down on the sofa, Marieke remained standing, uncertain. "Would you like another cup of coffee? Or something else to drink?" she asked to remain on neutral ground.

Johan shook his head, "No Marieke, I don't need anything more than you alone at the moment. Your words at the table have stirred up a lot. You know, I felt an enormous power during that time of our friendship, an attraction that was much stronger than falling in love. And when you went to another study and moved away for that, I had a very hard time. I missed you so much, but never had the guts to call you or go to see you. You don't want to know how many times I beat myself up for that! Okay, not literally, but I did scold myself quite a bit.

You know what I think, Marieke? The fact that I lost you played a big role in my work. Not only did I get wrapped up in the behavior of my co-workers, I started acting so dull because I had lost a part of myself since we lost track of each other. Come and sit down, Marieke," he said, patting the couch with his hand beside him to indicate that he desired her beside him.

Shyly she sat down, a little way away from him, but half turned toward him.

"Riekie, dear butterfly, thanks to your blabbering at the table, I do now have the nerve, to tell you that my heart raced when Ellen told me, that you had called my name to act as judge for Lisa. You, how would you be? You still had your own last name. Wouldn't you be married? Would you still be free? Would that click, that intense click that I had experienced then, still be there? And would you have experienced it once or experience it now? So many questions, I really had trouble keeping my head in my work!

And when Ellen suggested this morning to meet again, it turned my whole day upside down. The longing for you was even stronger now than in the past, and I wondered so much today if that was some kind of nostalgia, or if it was a real longing. And of course I also wondered what you would be like now, now, years later.

When I saw you, I would have loved to take you in my arms. I had great difficulty in not doing so. I didn't think it was the right time. Ellen was there, and I had no idea if you felt anything for me."

This was the moment Marieke interrupted him with a deep sigh and a particularly intense look in her eyes, "Oh yes, I feel a lot for you. That was years ago so too. When I changed my major and wasn't brave enough to keep in touch with you either, I went through a grieving process. I know it sounds exaggerated, which is why I never had the courage to tell anyone, but it really was. I was in such pain and grief about it, I felt so torn. That were terrible months! My study and my work allowed me to move on. I was enjoying it and thought I was alive. And in a way I was, but now in retrospect I think I was more like a butterfly who had a little crack in her wings, something like that. I could still fly, but not fully anymore. I wasn't that frisky butterfly anymore.

And when I saw you again tonight, I felt my heart jump up like it never had before, even more strongly than during our college days. And then those flowers and that beautiful butterfly... I had hope again, a very certain hope. Somehow I knew things would work out between us, but I still found it very exciting.

Those flowers you gave me... You hadn't just gotten a bunch of flowers, but exactly a bouquet that suited me so well. And that butterfly, that was the saleswoman's idea, but I think she somehow sensed how you saw me." As she spoke, she held out her hand to him. He grabbed it and slid a little closer to her.

"Moving forward together, beautiful butterfly, I want so much to move forward with you. Do you want that too?" Johan looked deep into her eyes.

Marieke started beaming, "Oh yes, nothing more, together with you, my weirdo!"

Without another moment's hesitation Johan slid his one arm under her legs and his other under her arm and as Marieke let out a surprised cry, he lifted her onto his lap.

"Moving forward together, that's what we do. I love you, Marieke. You already figured that out, but I just have to say it out loud: I - love - you!"

Marieke took his face between her hands, and said with a beaming smile, "That's all right then, because I love you too, I love you so very much! I'm so glad we found each other again!"

She let her hands go backwards and entwined her fingers in his hair. "So nice, that you left your hair as it was. I've always admired your hair, those nice thick curls, a little bit long. That just suits you, not that short, and not very long either, but just the way it is now."

"Are you done babbling, little Butterfly?"

Marieke raised her eyebrows in surprise, but before she had recovered from that surprise, he came closer and kissed her, butterfly light, as befitted a butterfly.

"Sweet frisky thing," he whispered between kisses, "Sweet frisky butterfly, you will fly again, like a tender butterfly, a strong, tender butterfly." He looked at her for a moment: "Butterflies are tender, but in their tenderness also strong, don't you think?"

"Hmm," Marieke nodded, "when they sit on my hand, I can feel them sucking at my skin with their little legs, it seems. Pretty strong for such a delicate little animal. And how they fly, so fluttery, I can just envy that!"

"They are like you, or you are like them. You don't literally fly, but you're just as nice and swirly!" Johan pulled her tightly against him, and kissed her again, but this time full of passion, full of desire.

Marieke answered his kisses, just as fervently. Tremors went through her body as she pressed herself against him.

Suddenly Johan held her at a distance. He looked at her and saw a dark dreamy look in her eyes. He asked, "This house, is this home for you?"

Marieke looked at him in surprise. "Until now yes, but now... I think I am only really at home with you."

Johan chuckled, "I couldn't agree more, me too with you. And that's why, tell me honestly what you think, I'd love to come and live with you. I mean, we'd both like to move on together. I don't ever want to let you out of my sight, in fact not even for a twenty-four hour period. It's that I have to go to work, but otherwise..."

Marieke laughed out loud, "Then we'd be stuck like this day and night!"

"I don't think so, I'd rather crawl into bed with you. And especially always be in your presence. Yes, that most of all, coming home after work and being with you. I know it's kind of fast, but..."

"Fast? Fast? It took us years! In that respect, we lost years. And if I'm honest, I don't want to lose another day, I don't want another day without you either. Will you stay here tonight? If you don't want to sleep in my bed yet... I have a spare bed too. Hahaha, then I'll crawl into bed with you when you sleep! I have dreamed and mused about that so many times, lying on the bed against you, with your arm around me. Poor you, you probably couldn't sleep. I didn't even dream about sex, but about being close to you, lying against you. I longed so much for you, for your presence."

Johan laughed happily, "I was just about to say that I wanted to drive home to pick up some things, but I'd be crazy if I left you alone for an hour unnecessarily. Shall we go upstairs? I'd love to lie against you and let my nose wander in your hair."

Marieke jumped up, grabbing his hand, "Come with me, I think it really is children's bedtime!" With a muttered "just lock the doors" she immediately let go of him again and ran with leaps and bounds to the front door and a moment later to the back door. She turned the thermostat down low and went upstairs before him.

To chapter 199. When love expresses itself...

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