Margreet used the first month of the New Year to sew her wrap skirts.

She didn't notice any change in her belly yet, but she was glad when the skirts were finished. It occurred to her that she wanted to make blouses herself. And since she had more than enough of both fabrics left, she decided to use them for that.

Staring at both fabrics, she got an idea that immediately excited her. She would make a kind of kimono. She could already see how she could do this in a simple way. Lay two rectangular pieces of cloth on top of each other like a plus sign, make a hole in the center that her head could fit through and sew the two pieces together at that point. She did not yet know how she should finish it. She didn't have a very clear idea yet, but she was confident that the pattern would form itself.

In between she worked every now and then on her tapestry. Sometimes she would look at her work from a distance and take a picture of it. Each time she did so, it amazed her that this work fitted her so perfectly. Work? It didn't even feel like work, it was just something she loved to do, but she would earn money with it in the future.

Lisa and Sjaak had already placed an order with her, and they wanted to pay for it, the price that she would ask other customers in the future for such a tapestry.

Huib had to talk some sense into her, to make her realize that she really could ask quite a bit for it, both for the material she used, and for all the hours she put in it.

Margreet had tried to dismiss his arguments by saying that she did it for fun and therefore thought it was nonsense to include some sort of hourly wage.

"I understand very well that you find that difficult. I had that too, you remember. I also enjoy my work. My work also feels like a hobby. I could choose to charge people only for the materials. But if I didn't charge an hourly wage, we'd soon go hungry," Huib had argued. "And if we both do charge hourly wages, we can make a savings pot for whatever is needed. We don't have to get rich, but if we did, we could see if we could use that money for nice projects just like Sjaak and Lisa. We'll see."

Finally, she had decided that Huib was right after all. She had gotten an hourly wage amount in mind and told Huib that. He had nodded with a broad smile, "Perfect, exactly the hourly wage I'm asking for too. And it's just really worth it."

Margreet measured the surface of the part of her own tapestry she had now finished and made an estimate of the number of hours she had worked on it.

She now had several numbers: area, number of hours, material price and hourly wage.

She started with a row of different sizes of tapestries, different surface areas. For each size, using the data she had written down from her own tapestry, she calculated the prices of other sizes. This gave her a rough overview, which she could use to determine the price for every conceivable surface.

Sjaak and Lisa gave her the size of the tapestry they wanted. Margreet timidly told them the price she had calculated. Lisa had accepted the price immediately, because it absolutely matched her work! She said it very emphatically, so that Margreet would feel that she really agreed with her price proposal.

Lisa advised her to make a standard quotation and a standard invoice on the computer. Margreet asked Huib for help with this. On the computer he showed her how his quotation and bill had been structured. She thought that wasn’t too bad. In no time she had copied them both and converted them into a quotation and bill that fitted her wall hangings. She saved them under the names ‘Quotation Standard’ and ‘Bill Standard’. She opened an extra copy of both, filled in the measurements and prices for Lisa and Sjaak, and brought the quote to them.

They read over the text and both signed. Margreet sighed, "I understand with my mind that this is necessary, but otherwise... fat, fat bullshit!"

Sjaak and Lisa laughed at her distaste and assured her that she was really doing the right thing anyway.

"Just remember, you rarely have to do this. You now have a standard for your quote, fill it out real quick, and then enjoy dozens of hours of sewing on a new tapestry. And then when it's finished, you fill out a quick bill and keep an eye on whether it gets paid."

"Yes, I get it too," grumbled Margreet, "for that quote and that bill I don't even need one percent of the time of a whole tapestry. It's not about the time of that work. I think it's more the type of work, and the fact that I hate all that business. I guess that's another one of those process points... In any case, my own tapestry is almost ready. After that, I'll have a wonderful time starting on yours. Do you have a theme for me?"

"Just do what your heart tells you." Lisa grinned and hugged her friend.

 .

As Margreet sat quietly sewing, her thoughts often turned to the baby. It was so special, she was sure she was pregnant, but she hadn't done anything yet to get it confirmed. She hadn't taken a test or contacted a midwife. She had looked on the Internet to see when a pregnant woman should see a midwife for the first time. In the eighth week, and that had already passed.

Huib and Margreet were convinced that they did not need a midwife or a maternity nurse. They had separately been given the impression that everything would go smoothly and that there would be no need for outside help. But it felt so strange, like it wasn't right. No one did it like that, everyone went to the midwife and applied for maternity care, so what they were doing didn't seem right.

As Margreet thought about that, she chuckled. Huib would say she was right, but the world was wrong. And she knew he was right. In the world, almost everything was built on beliefs and schemes. People had always been stuck in rules and beliefs and were used to them. Everything had to be done the way it was done by default. She herself had lived that way in many things too, following the standard. That is why she now found it so difficult to follow her heart in this. And now it was about something that was so important: their baby and her health!

Almost every time she sat down to sew, this all went through her head again. The questions of whether they were doing the right thing. The fear of whether the baby would do well. The question of what other people would say about it.

She had talked to Annerieke about it, shared her doubts. Annerieke understood her, but she had also known that their impression was correct, that they would not need help. Annerieke herself had had help with her pregnancy and delivery, but now knew for sure that Margreet did not need it.

What would other people think of that? Would they judge her? And if it would not go well with the baby, would they blame her?

One afternoon Huib found her in tears over her sewing. "Isn't it going so well, Gretel?" he asked as he put his arm around her and kissed her on her tear-stained cheek.

"Yes, the sewing is going fine, just not right now because of my tears," she chuckled through her tears. "I'm just so tired of all these thoughts going through my head, all these thoughts about the pregnancy and the childbirth. Especially that we're not arranging for a midwife or a maternity nurse. What other people will think of that. I don't want to think about that every time at all, because I know our impression is right, but I can't stop it. It's driving me crazy!"

Huib pulled her close to him for a moment: "Do you have any idea why these thoughts keep coming?"

Margreet looked at him with a tearful face: "I guess that has to do with the process again? Yes hey, I know I've always been dependent on what people think about something. And all pregnant women get checked by a midwife or a gynaecologist, and they apply for maternity care, and we're not going to do any of that. I know it's right, I feel that too, but still I keep thinking about it. Is it true that there's just emotional wounds behind that?"

"Yes, and that's something that almost every human being suffers from. When you do things differently than what one is used to by default, it's scary just because of all the thoughts it might evoke in other people. And in our case, it's also about your health, and about our baby. You guys are so important to me!

It's not simple, girl. I suffer from these same thoughts myself. Like a train that passes by time and time again. And I also wonder sometimes if it will ever stop. And then I know with certainty, that it will stop, probably gradually. I’m curious!

But as long as we're both still sure we're on the right track, we'll just have to accept all the thoughts around it, don't you think? It is going to further detach us from all beliefs, it is going to further heal us emotionally. Making our own choices, living our own lives, becoming who we are, Gretel, that's what we want, don’t we?"

Margreet nodded and smiled, "Yes, I really want that. I also notice that it is already going better, much better, but apparently we are not there yet."

"No, unfortunately not, but I do enjoy every bit where we get closer to that goal. Just the certainty from within... I find it wonderful to experience that we both have that and complement and empower each other in it!"

Margret's smile deepened until she beamed, "You are absolutely right. Those trains of thought aren't fun, but we're going for it, for that healing! Keep those thoughts just coming! One day they'll have lost their rails and won't be able to come by!"

Huib laughed full-throated, "My wonderful girl! I love you, I love you so incredibly much!"

"And that's still totally mutual, sweet Huubke!"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"By the way, have you already thought of a name for our little girl?" asked Huib.

"Oh yes, and all sorts of names have come up about that too. I really don't know which name suits our little daughter... Gloria! I suddenly get 'Gloria' very clearly in my mind! It feels very different from the way all those other names came into my mind. Do you think this could be her name?"

Tense, she looked at Huib, who grinned at her, "I don't just think so, I'm pretty sure! The moment you mentioned that name, that name seemed to fall right in on me, like a euro in a candy machine! Sounds crazy, I don't know how else to explain it. But it makes sense to me, anyway. Her name is Gloria, pronounced in the English way, so not with that Dutch hard G. Is that right for you too?"

"Yes, it was exactly like that, I got it in my mind with that English pronunciation. How nice! Gloria... our Gloria..."

As she said it softly to herself, Margreet tasted the name, and experienced that it suited the little one growing inside her.

.

Not many days later, her tapestry was ready. She made loops for the top edge and the bottom edge and finished the tapestry by sewing a second piece to it at the back. While she was doing that, she fixed the loops between the two pieces of fabric at both the top and bottom.

Huib had made rods some days ago, with buttons at the ends with a flower motif. Now that the tapestry was completely finished, he slid the rods through the loops and screwed the buttons to them. He hung the tapestry on coarse hooks on the wall, just above the semi circular table he had made some time ago.

From a distance they looked at it together and felt how beautiful it was, and how well it fitted them.

Huib took a few pictures of it and taught Margreet how she could make a collage of the pictures herself. She made a collage of the process, with some of the pictures she had taken of her work over the weeks. She also made a collage of the end result, both with and without the little table. She placed both collages on the website and on her social media and also placed the photo of the tapestry with the table on Huib's sites.

Margreet was not so used to checking her social media and mailbox regularly. When she did a few days later, she was pleasantly surprised by the large number of hearts and thumbs up and enthusiastic comments.

There had also been questions about what it would cost to have such a tapestry made. Therefore she had put a few price examples in an overview on the sites to give people an indication and referred to that overview in response.

So far, no orders had come in. She found this quite annoying as it raised questions about whether it was too expensive. And those questions formed a new, recurring train of thought.

Margreet still found these trains of thought difficult, but could now accept them better. Towards the end of January she noticed that they still came along, but no longer upset her, affected her less and less deeply. Finally they came like a breath of wind. They came, and blew by....

To chapter 229. Just living together, but how?

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