Over the past few days, Katja had been mostly busy covering up her cupboard. She had had a phone call from Angelique in between. They had found a rack and had sent a picture of it.

The rack was now hanging on the wall, next to her work table. It was a very small, shallow rack, perfect for her crystal panther. She looked at it regularly, enjoying its sheen on the red fabric. She had not chosen red because she felt the panther looked better on it than on blue. She had chosen red because of the words Rosanne had spoken, the words about her inner strength. Katja experienced that as something fiery, which seemed to be breaking out more and more.

Over the past few days, she had not just been having fun with the cupboard. She had had several nightmares and had relapsed into a re-experiencing several times. The last time, Maureen had had the impression, that she came out of it better, smoother, and that it took her less effort. Katja had experienced the same, as if the severity of the wound was diminishing, or the wound was becoming more superficial.

At the same time, Katja noticed, she herself was getting stronger. The power of the panther was coming out. She noticed it when she spoke, she noticed it in her thoughts, and she felt it when she was working with glass. Yes, she had continued with her glass art in the meantime. Being alone busy lining the cupboard was nice, but ultimately felt empty. She had put her fabric on the corner of the dining table, and when she wanted to cover another compartment with it, she would cut the fabric in the living room. But for most of the day now, she was busy with glass. She enjoyed it, the simplicity of the work, which was challenging at the same time. Right now, she had no idea what it would be, which way it would go. She did have a suspicion that today would be the first time she would use the sifted grass-grit. She had saved it up through time and kept it in a large jam jar.

Her work increasingly took the shape of a half ball on a bottom of a broken tapped bowl. She looked at it, feeling that it was finished as far as the shards were concerned. She picked up the jam jar of glass-grit, took a little out of it with a teaspoon and spread it in part of the half ball, while holding it at an angle. Then she aimed her soldering torch at it, but not as close as she was used to. She made sure she had enough distance, because she didn't know exactly how the bowl of shards would react. She moved the torch quietly, so that all the grit that was now in it, melted a very small amount, thus sticking to the shards-scale. She changed the scale's position, so that a still smooth part could be taken up. She sprinkled out grit again and melted it down. In this way, she went along the entire shards-scale. She really had no idea what the effect might be, how it would end up looking.

Maureen knocked and came in on Katja's response. She waited quietly for Katja to finish.

"So," Katja sighed, "I think this whopper is ready. Don't ask me what it's supposed to represent, I just don't know. Yes, a kind of bowl, a bit crooked... and yet beautiful. Very unusual, yes, I like it. Do you?"

"Unevenness..." said Maureen, looking at the skewed bowl with tiny bumps inside. "How did you get those crumbs stuck in it?"

"I collected those over time by sifting and kept them here in this jam jar. I sprinkled some of it in each time, and heated it, more from a distance than usual."

Katja carefully felt over the grains with her fingers. They seemed to be firmly attached, and still felt really somewhat grainy.

" Unevenness... you said it like that... I think it's a good name! Tell you what, I'll take pictures of it and send them to Ilse under the name "Unevenness".

Katja switched on the big lamp on the ceiling, a lamp she only used for photos, because she took the pictures while the objects were in the cupboard on a red or blue rug. She took pictures from different sides, also carefully laying the bowl on its side and photographing the inside, from further away and then a close-up. Then she set the dish upright on her work table, looked around to see if she needed to clean up anything immediately or if that could be done later. Later was fine, first let's have a coffee. She took her laptop and her mobile to the living room, smelled the coffee, which Maureen was brewing in the meantime.

.

Katja, sitting at the dining table, was just transferring her photos from her mobile to her laptop, when Maureen came into the room with the coffee. At first Katja didn't notice, because she was busy herself, but suddenly it dawned on her how quiet Maureen was, not even doing anything. She just sat there staring...

"Maureen? Maureen, is something bothering you?" asked Katja.

Maureen looked at her startled. Tears shot into her eyes.

"Yes, no, a moment ago it was, but not anymore, it just all feels so terribly strange. I went through a piece of process about my childhood this morning. Memories surfaced that I had put well away. My ex was not the first to abuse me, my father, it all came up very clearly this morning... I was about twelve years old, already starting to grow a bit. He found that reason to fill me in on things about being a woman. It seemed very well-meaning, very innocent, purely informative. Until he went beyond explaining. He went under my shirt with his hand, because he wanted me to feel the difference between touching my normal skin and touching my nipples. I hadn't discovered that myself yet, but my body reacted to it accordingly. He acted so sweetly ya, asked if I felt the difference too and said it was amazing, so very especially feminine, that I was already really on my way to becoming a woman. Then he stroked both my nipples with two fingers of his one hand. A jolt went through me, which he praised, it was a sign that I was really very healthy and well. He continued to be very sweet, asking me to lie down for a while, because there was more. I was used to being obedient, so I lay down, completely unsuspecting. He started taking off my clothes, while giving me soft kisses on my belly, and on my forehead, and suddenly on my mouth. Being startled, I opened my mouth a little, and he stuck his tongue inside, started circling there. Not wildly or anything, actually quite gently. Maybe that was the most sneaky thing, that he was careful. That made it feel weird, but I still wasn't scared. When I was completely naked, he started caressing me all over my body, placing kisses on my nipples, taking them between his lips, pulling on them, sucking on them. And I felt strange things in my body, actually quite pleasant, exciting. I had no idea, really Katja, I was as insignificantly ignorant as could be. The moment I started to tremble a little, he gently pushed my legs apart a little and went in with his finger a tiny bit, just to get moisture, and then with his finger forward, while continuing to stroke both my nipples with his other hand. I shot over the ledge, unbelievably. I screamed, but he kissed me to muffle the sound, and just whispered how beautiful it was, how amazing I was, such a real female. I didn't realise he let go of me at one point, I was so upside down from that climax. By the time I had fairly calmed down, he was naked underneath. Not that I noticed, I looked at him, at his face and wondered what he had done. There were some questions whether this was normal, but honestly, I felt great, fulfilled. So I didn't mind him starting again. He asked if I liked that and I nodded eagerly, really eagerly. Only when I was almost to another climax, he climbed on the bed and I saw his bare cock. I didn't understand why he had undressed. I did notice that he was panting a little, and I didn't understand that either. He grabbed my legs and swung them up along his side a bit and sat down with his dick moving in my opening, just very lightly. I remember thinking that I understood then, he would make me enjoy it even more. And yes, he did, with both hands on my small breasts and his boner moving over my clit, he helped me over the top with ease. And then he really came in, quietly at first, and even though that was a bit painful, it actually felt quite super nice, but then suddenly bang hard, with such fierce thrusts, that I cried out again. He put his hand on my mouth and was only concerned with himself. Then I realised something was not right at all. Afterwards, he praised me and said I had given him the best experience of his life. This, he said, was exactly what was the most wonderful thing a daughter could give her father. My gift to him. But it was a secret gift, I was really not allowed to talk about it with anyone, because then our gift would be ruined. I can't say he came back often, maybe a couple of times a month. I remember, the first time I menstruated, then he came right the same evening. My mother often worked outside the house in the evenings; we were at home together, my father and I. This time he put a towel under my bottom, because otherwise my bed would get dirty, and of course that was not nice. Then, too, he raped me, and like all the other times, I felt double, as he took me to the tops first and only then came in. My body felt glorious, but otherwise... I knew intuitively that this could not be the way. He said he knew in which days I could get pregnant, and of course that was not the intention, it was to remain our love game, without pregnancy. Therefore, when he came during my fertile period, he used a condom. I'm glad he did at least, because I never got pregnant from it. And even later, when my ex abused me and let other guys take advantage of me, it was always with condoms. I was used to that, and at first thought that was a plus. Later, of course, I discovered that I was nothing more than a sex object to them. The memory surfaced because my father also regularly visited me during the time I was married. When I thought back to that this morning, the memory surfaced. Clear as glass!"

She was silent for a moment, as if to catch her breath, and then continued played cheerfully, "So that was my cosy morning!"

Katja moved up a chair so that she was sitting directly opposite Maureen. She took her hands and rubbed them gently.

"Thank you for telling me this," she said with tears in her eyes. "It's a terrible story, there's no need to be flippant about that. It's just a child drama, a drama of a teenage girl. And so that actually went on for so many years, right into your marriage. How did you hold up in that all these years?"

Maureen laughed jeeringly: "So that's exactly the point that was also touched upon this morning, that I always held my ground, convulsively. I had to survive, I couldn't think beyond that. That's the reason I was cocky, Katja, that I took charge. It was always my survival tactic, and even now that it is no longer necessary, I still do it. It's ingrained, woven in with the wounds that occurred over those years. I'm sorry for acting that way towards you..."

Katja smiled: "I never really suffered from that, so don't worry about that. I have suffered from not daring to live myself. So my way of reacting has been about the opposite of yours. Fortunately, the underlying mess of that is healing and my behaviour is changing, I feel stronger, more myself. It's not yet complete, that process, not by a long shot, but the start is there, and I'm happy with it. And when I see you sitting there like that, I have the feeling that something has broken through with you this morning, that this way of staying upright of yours has been broken. You will find that it is getting weaker and weaker. As I get stronger, so you settle down more, something like that. Then you'll have to try less and less to stay upright, and I won't have to let myself be led. Then we become more and more who we really are. How does that seem to you?"

Maureen stared at her, eyes tight and squeezed Katja's hands for a moment.

"I see it again, I feel it again..." she whispered bewildered.

"Me too, just like that time you had pulled me out of a reliving, remember, that time I had been kicking like that. When I came out, I looked at you, and I saw something, and felt something, I didn't understand anything. Do you understand?" asked Katja.

"I think, I feel, I feel something magnetic, like I am being pulled towards you. Are we soulmates, Katja? Like Rosanne and Angelique? What do you think?"

"I don't know, it feels good but it's also confusing."

They kept looking at each other for a while, gently squeezing each other's hands, caressing each other's hands.

"Rosanne and Angelique wanted to help us, whatever it was... would they have noticed, do you think? Could they be able to help us? It's so strange, so right, and yet so weird."

Maureen nodded. "Maybe we should ask them..."

.

All day, they kept drifting around each other a bit, probing, fighting with their thoughts and feelings.

The next day, it turned out, neither of them had slept much. All they could think about was the other, the woman on the other side of the floor... They were tired from the almost sleepless night, confused and yet also longing, tense... and when Maureen let a glass fall from her hands, the bomb burst in her. She cried with screeching screams, banging her fists on the kitchen counter. Katja put her arms around her, laid Maureen's head against her shoulder and rocked her back and forth a little. Slowly Maureen calmed down, laid her head relaxed against Katja's head and put her arms around Katja's waist.

"Did that take such a stupid glass to discover how good it is to embrace each other like that?" she asked muttering.

"Apparently," Katja chuckled, "shards bring good luck, especially when I'm around. I'll collect them later, make something pretty out of them."

"Katja, do you think we still need help from Rosanne and Angelique?" asked Maureen cautiously.

"Well no, we found each other, that's all it takes, right? Maybe later, if we have questions, or encounter resistance from the people around us. Or would you like to contact them?"

"No, I only want to contact you for now... the rest of the world can go on holiday to the moon for a while!"

Who started it, they could not recount later. They pulled each other tightly against themselves, and realised, they couldn't live without each other anymore.

"Hey, I was just thinking that I don't need sexual contact at all, however that might work between women. Not yet anyway. And yet I would love to sleep with you, or you with me, anyway, together. I was so longing for you last night," Maureen confessed.

"I had exactly the same thing, only I was longing not for me but for you," Katja chuckled.

"Yeah duhu, I can even understand that!" Maureen shot into laughter. "But on a practical note, how are we going to do that? We don't have a double bed. Shall we move one bed to the other room, two singles side by side, bath towels in the ledge?"

"As long as we don't have anything else, that's the best solution, but I think it would be nice to start looking for a double right away, just on the internet."

"Maybe we'll find something that suits our own style," Maureen hoped.

She watched as Katja took the lead and started searching on the laptop. Maureen stood behind her, bent down a bit and sniffed the scent of Katja's hair.

Smiling, Katja looked back: "Do I smell nice?"

"Lovely, you smell like... Katja!" Maureen gave her a tentative kiss on her hair. "Quite nice to have contact with you this way, but I also need to get used to it a lot!"

"Yes hey," Katja admitted, "I have that exact same thing, good and strange, nice and weird. That strange, weird, separate thing will pass. It all came quite unexpectedly too!"

She turned back to the laptop.

"Oh look, this one here, that's a nice one! With a fairly new mattress and equally new bedding. Unbelievable! The price doesn't disappoint me, and that man is a truck driver and is happy to bring the bed over if he's in the area. Yes of course, who is ever near Limburg! Let's see... Joh, he's from Maastricht for goodness sake! Then it must be super simple for him. Do you like it too?"

She looked back at Maureen, saw that she had tears in her eyes. "It feels like this is just timing, that this one is meant for us. He's only been on the site since today. Please email him!"

.

During the course of the day, it became clear that the seller of the bed, could bring the bed with accessories the next morning. Maureen and Katja had meanwhile moved Katja's bed to Maureen's room, thus making room for the double bed in the room that had originally belonged to Katja. Maureen had taken her clothes and other personal items to Katja's room and stored them in the spacious wardrobes. "See, now the closets are getting full after all!"

Katja laughed: "True yes, but the cupboards in the other room are now completely empty! No problem, we won't be bothered by that!"

The man who brought their new bed helped them drag the bed and mattress upstairs. He wished them a good night's sleep in their new bed, turned around at the door one more time and said, "So many women go through life as lesbians purely out of woundedness by what has been done to them. You too have had a lot done to you, by men, but you don't continue together out of wounding, but because you have a real soul-connection. Very primal, I can see that too, but it is there, and it will grow stronger and stronger. I wish you all the best of luck!"

And so, with a wave, he walked out of their house again.

Katja and Maureen looked at each other: "Wow, what an affirmation!"

To chapter 59. Marianne

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