Anton was startled by a rumbling sound on the stairs and a scream from Joke. He ran towards it, and saw to his horror, that Joke had fallen down the stairs. He immediately saw that her lower leg looked odd.

He grabbed her hand. "Your leg is broken, Joke, are you in pain anywhere else?"

"No," she groaned, "just my leg. Good start of the new year..."

"Tell me about it... I'll just call an ambulance, stay still, dear."

As he called, he held Joke's hand with his free hand, stroking the inside of her hand with his thumb, because he knew that simple stroking there usually calmed her down quite nicely. This time, however, the pain was too intense, leaving her groaning.

.

The ambulance nurse and male nurse fixed both her legs together so that when she was lifted, she would suffer as little as possible. Still, Joke gave a short cry the moment they lifted her. She apologised, but the ambulance nurse reassured her. "If it hurts, you have to give a shout, it's as simple as that!"

She turned to Anton: "Would you please look for some things for Joke, underwear, pyjamas, toothbrush and things like that, and her pass from the hospital, if she has one. At least I assume you'll be driving to the hospital in a minute too?"

"Yes, yes, I will," Anton nodded, "Joke just doesn't have a pass, she's always been perfectly healthy."

"Another ID then, we can make a pass at the hospital," the paramedic said.

Anton nodded, and called to Joke: "I'll join you in a moment at the hospital Joke, and in my mind I'll travel with you anyway!"

She smiled wearily and raised her hand. He threw her a hand kiss as the ambulance staff shoved her in on the stretcher.

Anton turned around, feeling that his life had been turned upside down, and felt something else, something that in a way also seemed threatening. He couldn't get clear what it was about.

As quickly as he could, he started grabbing together some things for Joke and putting them in a bag. The book lying on her bedside table he also took, so she would have something to read if she felt the need. He left her laptop at home for now; he would discuss that with her first. She probably wouldn't feel like it today anyway.

.

The moment Anton reported to the front desk at the hospital, told that his wife, Joke Veth, had been brought by ambulance with a broken leg, the patient in question was already on her way to the operating room. She felt alone. She understood that Anton could not be there, but it felt like she was being torn away from him.

She thought back to the brother and sister in the ambulance, their care for her, the caution with which they treated her. Arriving at the hospital, she could not stay on the stretcher. This time, they had somehow transferred her to some kind of bed without causing her any extra pain. She had thanked them kindly for it. They had given her a squeeze in her hand, and a pat on the shoulder. "Good luck Joke, we will now hand you over to the staff here." She had smiled bravely. With a nod, they had left.

A member of the hospital staff had come up to her, a male nurse of about her own age. He had introduced himself as Jonathan and had put his hand on her hand for a moment. He had asked her where she was in pain, if there were more sores than just her leg. While asking that, he had very carefully placed his hand on the broken leg. To her surprise, the pain had eased a lot.

"Don't tell anyone I did that." He had given her a wink. "Reducing someone's pain from your soul, that's not allowed, that's not scientifically explainable, and so is declared medically irresponsible. But I like it when people are not in such terrible pain, if I can do something against their pain."

As he spoke, he had looked at her, and Joke had felt something, something so intense that it confused her. She attributed it to all the commotion of that morning.

Jonathan had gone through a list of questions with her, had already taken a picture with a camera for her hospital card. He had been visibly happy for her that she knew her blood type with certainty: "Otherwise I would have had to have you bullied by a lab technician, but we can skip that now."

Again, she felt this intensity she could not explain. Did this man have some strange power over her? What was this?

She didn't get much opportunity to think about it further, because she was already being summoned to the operating room. Jonathan drove her there, gently swaying her bed through the turns. She noticed that although there was a little more pressure on the broken bone at such times, it didn't really hurt her much more. He had said he reduced her pain from his soul. She did know a lot about emotional healing through her life with Anton, their contact with Bloemenhof, the Soul Print Shop and the discovery centre, which also happened from your soul, but this...

She raised her hand for a moment and looked at Jonathan. "Wait a minute, just a minute... working from your soul, I know it, for inner healing, but is that the same thing you just did?"

He nodded, "Exactly the same, that power heals emotional wounding, I think that's the most important thing, but it also reduces pain, often takes it away altogether. It's nothing else, purely the power from my soul. There is no religious or occult stuff behind it, rest assured!" he smiled, setting the bed in motion again.

"Okay, thanks!" she said smiling. And again she experienced something she could not explain, which she did not understand. Maybe later, maybe not...

At the operating room, the staff there took care of her. Jonathan waved at her for a moment, and with a "see you later in the recovery room" he disappeared.

.

What Joke did not know was that Jonathan had felt the same thing. He was struggling with it because he realised that he had now come to a very difficult point. As a young man, he had already decided that he would not go after girls or women. If he ever got married, it would be to the woman he felt connected to on soul level. He had seen more than enough relationships where there was little or no connection between the partners. That was not how he wanted to waste his life. Therefore, he had focused on his work and in his free hours he had been walking, listening to music, reading books.

Reading books... A while ago, he had found a site of some kind of gallery. He had always thought that a gallery included paintings and sculptures, but this gallery really contained a wide variety of art expressions. He had been struck by the gallery's name, 'Art, the expression of our soul', and because of this, and by reading their vision, he had understood that these artists also worked from within. As he approached patients from within, so did they with their hobby, their work. He had discovered that there had also been two artists who wrote books. He had bought both of them their first book, simply because he loved reading and because he was curious how that had worked out for those writers, writing from your soul. He had seen that one book was a novel, and the other was about a squirrel. That had caught his attention, he had wondered what a woman could write about a squirrel. That was how he had started in 'Squirry', Rosalie's first book. He had marvelled at how a writer had been able to come up with such a story. It was as if she had had a connection with a squirrel, as if she had crawled into its skin, its fur. It had surprised him, too, that she had given only her first name. Could it be a pseudonym? His curiosity had been so great that he had called the print shop, making enquiries. He had spoken to an employee, Annelies, who had made it clear that she really liked his reaction to the book, and who told him that Rosalie was a girl of almost six. They had talked for a while about the power of the soul, also in discovering what your life purpose is, your passion, about discovering what you want to learn. She had told him about a discovery centre, which her little son also went to. And because Jonathan had always felt like a stranger, not knowing anyone who lived from his soul like he did, he had been awed by her stories. He had thanked her warmly, when she apologised for rattling on like that, saying that she had just made him terribly happy, because now he knew he was not the only one who lived like that!

As he walked through the corridors of the hospital, his thoughts went back to this. The other book was a novel, the contents of which had touched him even more deeply. The author, Joke Veth... it went through him like a shock. The patient he had just taken away was also called Joke Veth. And every time he had looked into her eyes, he had felt that intense connection. He couldn't quite describe it, but deep down he knew, this was such a deep soul connection, such a soul connection he had been waiting for all his life. Only... from Jokes data, he knew, she was married... And that simple fact felt like a huge slap in his face!

.

An hour later, Jonathan received a call from the recovery room that Mrs Veth was awake, that she was fine, and that he could come and pick her up. He got up with a sigh, walked into the corridor in thought, and there almost bumped into a man who accosted him.

"Sir, can you help me? I am looking for my wife, she was brought here with a broken leg, and I was sent here. Where can I find her?"

Jonathan had to swallow for a moment: "Is Joke Veth your wife?"

Anton nodded.

"If you want to sit here for a moment, I'm just going to pick her up from the recovery room. She's already had surgery, she's awake, and she seems to be doing well. I'll be back here in a minute, with your wife."

Anton nodded again and sat down in the small waiting room.

Jonathan walked on, feeling a deep sadness. At last he had met his soulmate, but she was unattainable, she was already married. Still, he would take care of her, that was simply his job. But it felt different this time, as if he would give her something extra. Foolish of course, he always gave himself to his patients, so he didn't understand his feeling, his impression at the moment at all.

He walked into the recovery room, glanced around fleetingly and immediately saw Joke already lying down, her leg raised in a stand, with a weight attached. He turned, before she could detect him, and went to where he could find her status. Yes she would have to lie with that weight for days. And he was one of those who had to take care of her. Normally, he had no problem helping women. It just didn't do anything to him. But with Joke he had that special click, that soul connection, and he found that he was reluctant to take care of her. It didn't seem to fit together, like it was some kind of betrayal

'Jonathan, shut up,' he scolded himself in his mind, 'just do your job!'

He walked up to her with her status, conjured a smile on his face, which she answered immediately, spontaneously. Yes, that spontaneity was momentarily off with himself, he felt confused and behaved artificially, like an adolescent in love who dared not let his girl know he was crazy about her.

He decided to get straight to the point, being the nurse. "Ha Joke, have you been a bit better off so far?"

She nodded. "I've been all right, I haven't been nauseous, I'm not in pain, I just woke up, looked around, saw my leg hanging on a coat rack, and remembered what happened. Just like a story out of a book!"

Jonathan couldn't help it, without thinking, he responded to her words: "Then you immediately have a great theme for a new book, Joke, you can get started right away! Do you always write on a laptop?"

Joke looked at him in surprise as he moved her bed. "How do you know I write?"

He chuckled, "I read your first book almost in one go. It touched me, it was beautiful!"

"Well well... nice to hear by the way! And yes, I always write on a laptop. I'm working on a book about... just crazy, really unbelievable... a book about healthcare, about how I feel it should be. And now I'm lying here, unable to move, being driven by a nurse who works in a way I felt while writing it! Another crazy thing... your name is Jonathan right? That nurse in my book is called Nathan. That sounds like coincidence squared!"

"Say that, that's really bizarre! I'm curious about your story, whether I recognise myself in that Nathan..."

"No idea, the way you work, what I have experienced of it so far, is at least right. In his spare time, Nathan likes listening to music and reading. And he has decided to stay alone until he meets his soulmate. I haven't gotten very far with this book yet, because I experience tremendous resistance every time I start writing, as if I have to break through all kinds of barriers. So it's not progressing very much, but I'm sure it will be fine, especially now that I'm here and can experience what reality is like."

"Do you think your soul is fighting a battle with healthcare?"

Joke looked at him in surprise: "That's it, yes, that's it, you hit the mark! And not just with healthcare in general, but through that Nathan also... I don't quite know, it confuses me for a moment."

"Doesn't matter, I'm sure it will clear up," Jonathan replied. "By the way, I have good news for you, your husband is already eagerly waiting for you. He just accosted me as I was heading out to pick you up."

Joke smiled. "Anton... Funny, I have a thing about letters, I see immediately that the letters of his name are also in your name. Anton is a fine man, he always has his focus on me, has said from the beginning of our relationship that it was his desire for me to blossom fully. And at the turn of the year, I asked him if he thought that had been achieved by now. He replied that I would still have to go through some things, but yes, that I had indeed found myself, was doing what my core desire was and was largely healed emotionally. He saw me as a flower in full bloom. Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yes, it really is... And do you experience it that way yourself?"

"Yes, I enjoy life, I enjoy my writing, even though it has been so tough in the recent times. And you, do you also feel that you have come to your core purpose?"

"As for my work... yes, absolutely. This is where my heart is, I enjoy it every day! As for my private life... like your Nathan, I love listening to music and reading... I really enjoy that. And I made the same decision about waiting for my soulmate. I never feel lonely, because I have found myself, I think, but I do notice regularly that I long to find my soulmate."

Joke nodded: "I can well imagine that..." Again it confused her, persons seemed to swirl together, Anton, Nathan, Jonathan....

She was glad when Anton suddenly appeared next to her bed. She smiled at him and held out her hand. "Come along, Jonathan will take us to my lodge!"

Anton chuckled, "Did they give you too much laughing gas? You're so incredibly cheerful!"

"Yeah yeah, I'm just not in pain. I'll tell you why later. Don't worry, Jonathan, Anton will understand that and won't complain about it."

" Now you do make me very curious," Anton said in surprise.

Jonathan turned her bed into a room, where only one other woman lay.

Joke raised her hand and called out to her, "Hey, I'm Joke, can I keep you company for a while?"

"Mine yes, only I hope to go home tomorrow... By the way, my name is Marja."

"Good for you, that you can go home again!"

Jonathan put the brakes on her bed and, together with Joke and Anton, briefly went through what was on her status. It basically came down to this, that she could slowly start drinking again and that the staff would step it up to light meals and, if everything continued to go well, to regular meals.

"The only thing that is difficult for you is that you have to lie in this position continuously. That is also why they put a special pillow under your seat. In addition, you will not be able to go to the toilet, so we will have to help you with that. Just call if you feel you need help. And showering is not in the cards yet, so we will come and wash you on the bed."

He immediately saw a frown appear in her forehead. "Does it bother you, that you run the risk of being washed by a man?"

"Well, so indeed I wondered about that. In the past, I would have confirmed that, but I don't seem to be bothered by it anymore. Well, we'll see when the time comes, maybe I'll scream murder and fire!" she said, laughing.

Jonathan shot into laughter. "If you do, I will immediately call in a female colleague! Screaming women... I have nothing with that! Do you have any questions?"

Joke and Anton shook their heads. "Thanks so far," Joke said.

Jonathan nodded at her. "You're welcome, I'm moving on again!"

.

Anton grabbed the bag he had brought with him. He put what she could need immediately in the locker next to her bed. He put the book on her bedside table.

"Thank you, dear, will you bring my laptop and charging cord and such tomorrow? Then I'll continue tomorrow. Today I'll manage, though, with my book. And maybe I'll take an afternoon nap later. That anaesthesia must have done something, don't you think?"

"Probably, although I must say you are so lucid, I wonder if something happened to you. What did that Jonathan guy do?"

"Oh Anton, I was in such pain. He had to write down my details, but saw that I was in such pain. He put his hand on that spot very briefly, and the pain subsided immediately. We talked about it briefly on the way to the operating room. He told me he did it from his soul, that I was not allowed to talk about it because it is not scientifically proven and therefore taboo in the medical world. Do you know what we just discovered, by the way, just as we were going to this room? He knew my name, having read my first book. Remember when I thought my books were not good enough to publish? That very first book... it touched him. And I told him about the book I am working on now, a story about healthcare, about how I feel from the inside how healthcare should be. I recognised him in it, and he recognised some of my story in himself. And do you know what he thought? He thought I was running into barriers so much in writing, because I was fighting against what is not right in healthcare, something like that. Could that be possible, do you think?"

"I hadn't thought about it like that before," Anton said, "but now that you put it that way... that doesn't strike me as odd, in fact, I have a click with it."

"Anton, is something wrong? Is something bothering you?" asked Joke worriedly. "You don't seem to be yourself. Has something happened?"

He looked at her in surprise. "Yes, something has happened. My darling has thundered down the stairs!"

Joke shot into laughter. "You don't mean to tell me you're still upset about that now, do you? I know you anyway, I can feel it, like you're struggling with something..."

"That's right, Joke," Anton whispered. "I saw something, felt something. And I knew it could happen, I always took it into account, but now that it's happening, it hurts. And no, I'm not going to tell you what it's about. I'm sure you'll find out for yourself, and if you do, know that you can always talk to me about it. After all, it's something that, while difficult, is also definitely good."

A carer came in with a trolley containing a meal for Marja, and some bouillon for Joke.

"Sir, may I ask you to go home? Madam is going to rest for a while soon. If you walk past the front desk in a moment to ask for a leaflet that lists visiting times and the like, you will know exactly what to bear in mind."

Anton nodded at her: "Good, I will. Well Joke, enjoy your bouillon and rest well. I'll get that leaflet in a moment, then see you with the next visiting hour."

He laid his head against her head for a moment, cheek to cheek. With a kiss, he said goodbye, turned at the door one more time and waved. Quickly he walked past the counter, asked for the leaflet and went outside. Only in the car did he allow himself to let go. He wept silently, wept for the woman he loved and whom he would soon have to let go....

.

Jonathan sat at home in his armchair, listening to music. Or rather, he had turned on music, but didn't hear much of it. His thoughts turned to Joke. She was a nice woman to look at, but he knew damn well that was not the reason for the click he had experienced so strongly. The connection he had experienced, even without them having spoken to each other significantly, was undeniable, could not be dismissed.

His thoughts circled around what he had felt of connection, around the desire that had been sparked in him as a result, and around the certainty that it was impossible to share the rest of his life with her because she was already married. He was not the type who would want to destroy a marriage to get what he wanted. He had no intention of running after Joke, hoping she would one day discover who he was, that he was her soulmate. No, he had to forget her, there was no other way. He would just take care of her those few days she was in hospital like he took care of other patients, and nothing else. Staying friendly, but nothing else. No, he would do nothing to 'wake her up', to let her know what he knew.

He picked up her book, her first. She was a brilliant writer. And now she was writing about healthcare, about how it should be, as she experienced it from her soul. And she was writing about Nathan, who looked strikingly like him. Coincidence squared, she had called it jokingly. She had not yet realised that he was indeed Nathan, not just her book character, but her soulmate. She hadn't realised...

With a sigh, he put Jokes book aside, sat down at the computer and did something he never really did. He sat stupidly surfing the internet. His thoughts turned to Annelies, the woman from Soul Print Shop Bakker. She had mentioned a discovery centre. He found the website of "I discover myself!" and looked at their vision, the pictures of their building and surroundings. It provided him with a delightful distraction for a moment. Imagine having children, wouldn't this be a perfect place for them to develop, to discover things, to learn?

He closed the computer, decided to get ready for the night. In the shower, he thought of Anton, the man who had done everything he could to make Joke blossom. He realised again, with pain in his heart, that it could not be anything between Joke and himself. He could not do it to Anton, that man who had given himself so much to Joke....

Jonathan slept restlessly that night, dreaming about Joke, seeing her running across a lawn towards him, her face beaming. Waking up from that dream was like a slap in the face. First he had to help her get back on her feet... and then let go of her, banish her from his mind.

.

After a few days, Jonathan took Joke to radiology. X-rays should show whether her leg could be plastered already. Some time later, the doctor treating Joke, Patricia Vermaas, came to her with the results of the X-rays when visiting time had just started and Anton was already sitting next to her bed. He nodded to the doctor and introduced himself. For a moment she held his gaze. He saw surprise, bewilderment even, but did not understand why. Anton looked back at Joke, whereupon Patricia also turned to her and told her that she would just get a plaster cast the next day.

"Then your leg won't have to hang in the brace anymore, you can also sleep on your side again, although that won't always be easy with such a plaster leg. But at least you get more room to move. You cannot walk on it yet, so you will have to learn to use crutches. That's not too bad for most people, it just takes some getting used to. By the way, how did you experience the last few days? I saw on your status that you were hardly in pain..."

"True, I was in considerable pain only before the operation, but not after that," Joke replied, wary because she didn't want to tell what Jonathan had done.

Patricia smiled, "Don't say anything, I know who your regular nurse is."

Joke looked at her questioningly, pretending not to understand what Patricia meant.

"Ask Jonathan," she said. "I'll go on again, Jonathan will probably take you to the plaster room tomorrow. At least I think so, I think he's on duty. And otherwise a colleague. Have a nice day, have a good time together!"

Patricia nodded to Joke, to Anton, and walked quickly down the hall, straight to the staff toilets. There was luckily no one there, no one who could see how she needed to blow off some steam. She looked in the mirror and wondered what had just happened. That Anton, Joke's partner... What she had suspected between Joke and Jonathan, she herself was now experiencing with Joke's husband. It didn't have to get any crazier!

She pulled herself together, fixed her hair for a moment, and went back into the ward. She had more to do than get herself trashed by a married man! 'As if he had even attempted that...' she thought to herself.

.

The next morning, Jonathan entered the room right after breakfast. Joke looked at him beaming: "Are we going to the plaster room?"

"Good morning, radiant lady, yes, we are going to the plaster room! Let's see what gear we can get your bed into..."

Joke laughed: "Take it easy, I'm not much of a racing type."

"Me neither, it was just a joke."

On the way, Joke asked him about Patricia. "I told her, I'm hardly in pain, and she said something like I didn't have to say anything about it, that she knew who my regular nurse was. How did she mean that?"

"She meant that she knows what I do. She does it herself, and also usually experiences those beautiful results. We suspect we are the only ones, at least on our ward. When I hear our colleagues talking about treatment methods, I sometimes look at her, we just sigh deeply... It's not easy, we run the risk of falling into a trap and getting thrown out time and again. It doesn't fit the protocols, that' s why. That we once promised to do everything to cure a patient, we have lost that in our medical care. They don't experience it that way though, most seem to feel that they are doing everything they can and that it is the only right way as they do it, and that it is just right. If we talked about it, we would not only call resignation on ourselves, but also hurt our colleagues immensely. There are so many who genuinely think they are doing the right thing..."

"Tricky it seems to me, but Jonathan, don't give up on it, what you do is so powerful, both for inner healing and physical healing. I've experienced it myself, haven't I?"

He nodded at her smiling, wheeled the bed through the last folding doors and temporarily handed her over to his colleagues in the plaster room.

"I'll come and get you in a minute!" he said. He turned and walked out of the plaster room.

Joke was left in despair. Jonathan did not seem himself, and she noticed that bothered her. She wondered what was going on, whether he was just worried that his method would be discovered, or if there was something else... She had a feeling herself that it was mostly the latter. He was just different, a bit down. She couldn't figure it out, couldn't figure out what was going on. 'No, of course not, what do I know about him at all, so how should I know what's going on,' she grumbled to herself in thought. 'Maybe he's been dumped...'

At that moment, she remembered the intensity she had felt a few times. And for the rest of the time, her thoughts spun around that and she slowly came to realise, that there was a connection between Jonathan and her, which confused her profoundly. Jonathan and the main character in the book she was working on, Nathan. They were just the same person! She had continued with her book over the last few days, and had been surprised by the twist in her book. Nathan, experiencing that he was soulmate to one of his patients!

'Oh no hey,' she thought, 'it can't be that Jonathan thinks I'm his soulmate, can it? Then he should indeed feel that he had been dumped, because if I were his soulmate, then something is going wrong, because I am married to Anton.'

It was not easy to quiet her thoughts, but by the time her plaster leg was ready and she heard that Jonathan was called to come and get her, she had her conclusion ready: 'I belong to Anton, I married him and I love him! Full stop!'

Jonathan entered the plaster room, looked at her briefly, glanced at her leg and raised his thumb. "That's the better work, Joke, you're another step ahead! Soon we'll be practising with the crutches."

"Yes, looks like fun!" did Joke cheerfully, looking at him tightly for a moment. To her bewilderment, she received a shock. She blinked her eyes for a moment and looked at her plaster leg. Unable to speak further, she silently let Jonathan drive her bed back to the hall. She was sure now: that intensity she had felt a few times earlier was a soulmate connection!

Jonathan had seen and felt her getting that shock, saw from her face that she was confused by it. His desire was to pull her against him, comfort her, tell her it was okay, that she should just move on with Anton, and not worry about him. Totally unexpectedly, he recognised in himself the desire she had attributed to Anton, the desire to do whatever was right for HER.

It was only later, after his service, in his safe armchair, that the question occurred to him, whether that was really what was best for her, that she stayed with Anton, who was absolutely good for her, or whether she would continue to share her life with himself, with him, the one who had that soulmate connection with her. It provided him with another evening of thought-provoking twists and struggles. Yes, he really wanted the best for her, and so did Anton. But would Anton realise, that it would be best for Joke to be with her soulmate? He could not demand that of the man; he sensed with razor-sharp precision that although Anton was not Joke's soulmate, he genuinely loved her.

Jonathan had come to respect Anton, even love Anton, as a brother, a good friend. Not that he had said that to him, but he felt that way. He experienced Anton as sincere, loving, fatherly. Strange was that, fatherly... Could it be that Anton had been more like a loving father to Joke? More of a father than a partner? It could be, and so what? If Joke was happy with him, who was he to destroy that? No, he had to hope she would be discharged from hospital as soon as possible, then he could shake off the whole thing.

.

Joke had felt confused from her time at the plaster room. She loved Anton, but what she had felt with Jonathan she did not recognise with Anton. No matter how she thought about it, no matter how she tried her best to find a way through the maze of thoughts and feelings, she couldn't figure it out.

In the afternoon, Patricia had stopped by.

"I asked Jonathan, about that pain, you know," Joke told her. "He told me you were doing the same thing, and no, I won't betray you either, on the contrary, I'd rather encourage you to continue with this. It's great that you have this power, keep using it!"

"Thank you, Joke, that's a huge encouragement to me! And how did you do today? I can read your status of course, but I'd rather hear from you first," Patricia explained.

Joke smiled: "It went well in the plaster room. Indeed, walking with the crutches took some getting used to, as you told me, but it's going quite well already. I've even been to the toilet once without help."

Patricia laughed: "That must have been a relief!"

"Yes, really, the nursing staff treated me nicely you know, cleaned and all, but it's so nice when you can go to the toilet by yourself again!"

"That's right, it is. But another thing... I don't really know how to put it, but I have the impression that you are a bit restless. Is something bothering you?"

Joke sighed deeply. "Yes, there is something that is bothering me very much, but which I don't think you can help me with. I feel like I have to make an impossible choice."

Patricia smiled, "Follow your heart Joke, feel well what you really feel, and don't let all kinds of thoughts that try to belittle your feelings drive you crazy."

Joke looked at her questioningly, but said nothing.

Patricia bent slightly towards her and whispered, "My soul is not only powerful, but also seriously sensitive... and I won't say anything else about that! Have a nice day, Joke!"

With a smile on her face, she walked out of the room. Now imagine, if Joke followed her heart, broke up with Anton and moved on with Jonathan, the road was open for her, the road to Anton.

She gave herself a figurative kick in the behind, wishing away her own train of thought.

.

Until visiting time in the evening, Joke had plenty of time to reflect on Patricia's words. "Feeling well what you really feel..."

She noticed that Patricia had uttered that warning about her thoughts for a reason. Thoughts like "Anton has always been there for you", "Anton loves you", "then don't you love Anton anymore?" came off and on.

She couldn't get out of it. She felt, if she really felt right, that she belonged, fit, more with Jonathan than with Anton. But on the other hand, Anton was the one who had done everything to bring her full circle to life.

Totally unexpectedly, a whole new aspect was around the corner, the sexual. She had always loved cuddling with Anton, letting herself be caressed by him. Coming together, becoming physically one, had been good, but it suddenly dawned on her that she had never experienced the fire, the passion she wrote about in her books, herself. It had been good, but not in that way. And strangely enough, she knew it would be that way with Jonathan, because there was a connection with him that she didn't have with Anton.

But Anton... was his love for her not real then? Or vice versa, was her love for him not good enough?

She was still in the midst of that thought struggle when Anton walked in. He immediately saw from her face that she was upset. He tried to respond to it light-heartedly and asked how she liked getting rid of that brace.

To his surprise, she reacted confused, as if she was only now discovering for the first time that the brace was gone. So there had to be something else bothering her.

He tried for a while more in a light-hearted way, but did not really get through to her, as if she had closed herself off to him. Deep down he knew, she had felt it, she had experienced it, and was upset because of it.

"Joke? Joke, look at me... Is it about Jonathan?"

He saw the panic growing in her eyes. He took her hand and whispered, "Tell me, girl, tell me."

Joke shook her head: "I can't, Anton, I can't. I'm completely confused."

"Yes, I can see that, and I feel bad for you, really bad. But... do you remember when you were just lying here, that you felt I was struggling with something, and I said I had seen something. I said that I knew it could happen, that I had always taken it into account. That it was difficult and painful, but that it was really good. Do you remember that?"

Joke nodded slowly, as tears streamed down her cheeks. "Yes, now that you mention it, I remember that again. I didn't understand it then, but I do now, I think. It feels so horrible Anton, it feels like betrayal."

Anton stopped her for a moment: "Wait a minute Joke, start at the beginning. What did you experience?"

She thought back to the first day in hospital, that she had felt something with Jonathan that was quite intense, and that she hadn't known what it was. She told what had suddenly dawned on her this morning, and about her struggle the rest of the day. She even told what Patricia had said to her, about really feeling what you are feeling.

"Patricia, that's that doctor right? Did she realise what was going on?"

"Yes, she told me that her soul was not only powerful, but could also feel very well, so no, she didn't say outright what she had felt, but I could actually make it out."

"And did you take her advice? Were you able to properly feel what you really felt?"

"Yes, I have felt it, but after that an army of thoughts keeps coming over me. And really, when I think about Jonathan, it feels like a betrayal to you. All those questions that come along. Don't you really love Anton then? Yes, I certainly do! Doesn't Anton love you enough? Yes, you do! Isn't he good enough for you then? Hey, that's a new question, I haven't had that one before... aren't you good enough for me? Damn, that sounds so negative. You've always been good for me, you've done everything to make me flourish. I owe it largely to you that I am alive now, really alive! But then what's the problem?"

Anton bowed his head for a moment, then looked at her again: "The problem, dear Joke, the problem is not a problem, but it feels that way. You and I, we certainly love each other, but we don't have that fiery soul connection. Can I be very honest with you for a moment?"

He saw that she nodded in despair. "When we met, there was no immediate love, or infatuation. Oh yes, I liked you, I liked seeing you, I liked being with you. But, as I said, that soul-click wasn't there. But deep down inside, I got an impression, an urge to choose you, and to love you and help you in your process, to help you discover yourself and become who you deeply are. That was a struggle for a while, but the moment I said yes to that impression to myself, I experienced a tremendous love for you. It came squirting up so directly from my soul. And from that moment it was not difficult to love you, it just came naturally. And the desire to be there for you in that way has always been there. But in between there has also always been the question, what would I do if you met your real soulmate? Would I be able to let you go? You know Joke, every time that question came up, I came to the same conclusion: if I could bring you to where you are now, then this step is part of it. Then I will let you go so you can be with the man who is your soulmate. Isn't that painful for me then? Yes, it is, love can sometimes be painful, I have heard. And I have experienced that in the past few days, that it can be painful. But I also know that it is right, that it is best for you, that you don't let go of Jonathan after your discharge from hospital, but that you keep in touch, knowing that it is really right. I'm glad I was able to bring you this far... really Joke, in the depths of my soul I know it's right, that I let go of you so you can go to him."

"It sounds... like they say parents have to let go of their children... hard too, but so right. I know you are a fatherly type, like a father to your workers, like a father to Huib and Margreet, to Sjaak and Lisa... so how did you always feel towards me?"

"Oops, that's a question I didn't see coming for a moment!" Anton tried to smile, but it became more of a pained grin. "I've never felt that way towards you, I've always felt like your partner. I'm just thinking out loud. I've always been honest and open with you, I want to be that way now. Looking back on our years now, I can only say, I don't know what it's like to be partnered with a soulmate. As a result, I also can't say that I might have been more father than partner to you. In fact, I just don't know. I will think about it further, and if I know, if I find out, I will definitely let you know! But apart from that, I want to urge you again, don't let Jonathan get away with it. Keep in touch with him, keep feeling what you feel. Take the time to come to your own conclusion, to make your decision. And know that I wouldn't blame you for a second, if you experience that you want to choose him. It's not easy for me, but I know it's right. So go, if you want to go..."

Anton stood up, put his hands along her face and kissed her. "I'll leave a bit earlier, so you can think about it quietly. And me too... it's all quite confusing."

Anton was already walking towards the door.

"Anton? Thank you... for everything... and for now, for letting me choose, for letting me be free... I understand what it does to you, and yet you give me that freedom. Thank you."

With tears in his eyes, he gave her a remote hand kiss and walked out of the room. In the corridor, he almost bumped into Jonathan, not in uniform but in jeans and a simple jumper. Anton looked at him, put his hand on his shoulder for a moment and said, "Jonathan, it's fine... you know, I guess... otherwise ask Joke..."

Anton walked on, while Jonathan looked at him. So that was the reason his inner self had pushed him to go to the hospital, to his own ward. He sighed deeply and walked on, to the room where Joke was currently lying alone. He saw that she had her eyes closed, stayed still for a moment. No, she was not asleep, she was crying. The longing that had been burning inside him for a few days was looking for a way, a way to Joke. Softly he called her name, causing her to look at him with moist eyes. She furrowed her brows, and asked, "You here? Got a late shift with it?"

He shook his head smiling. "No Joke, I was sitting at home, struggling with thoughts, as I have every night since you were in hospital. And suddenly there came a huge urge to go here, to you. I found it a very difficult idea, because... yes, I would meet Anton here. What was I supposed to do? But the impression was so strong that I set off almost immediately. And just now, in the corridor, Anton almost bumped into me. I saw that he had tears in his eyes. He put a hand on my shoulder and said, "Jonathan, it's fine... you know, I guess... otherwise ask Joke..." That's literally how he said it, and walked on. He looked defeated and sad, but I felt he meant it. And that's why I dared to walk on to you. And now I ask you Joke, what's fine?"

A watery smile appeared on Joke's face. "I found out this afternoon Jonathan, that what I experienced on the first day when you looked at me a few times, that that was all to do with a soul connection. I've been worrying about it all day. It feels so unfair to Anton. But he explained it to me, how he had experienced it from the beginning of our relationship, and that he had always known we were not soulmates and that there could come a day when I would meet my soulmate... He finds it difficult, painful, but he says he knows it's right. It is so coming to me now, that he has made me ready for this."

"That could just be the case... and what occurred to me was that I need you not only as a partner, to love each other, but also for my work. Soulmate power makes a person so much stronger..."

Joke nodded, sharing how she had experienced that in Lisa's court cases.

They talked for a while more, until the visiting hour was almost over.

"I have to go, Joke, tomorrow you will see me again as a nurse, and probably you will be allowed to go home."

He grabbed his mobile and typed in her details. Joke did the same the other way round. That was how they agreed, that they would keep in touch, to be able to grow towards each other and make the right decision. And yes, of course Jonathan hoped Joke would move to him, but if she stayed with Anton... well, he would have to accept that too, but how hard he would find that!

Just as Anton had done moments before, he put his hands along her face, slowly moving closer as he continued to look at her.

"Joke... I long for you, I love you. Unbelievable how fast that can grow!"

"True soul-connection, Jonathan, true soul-connection... then that's what you get," she whispered back, receiving and answering his caressing kisses.

.

A few days later, it was abundantly clear to Joke that she wanted to choose Jonathan. Anton, meanwhile, had largely struggled through his grief and was able to help her pack her things. Together they took everything to Jonathan's house, where he had already made space.

Jonathan was working at the hospital, but had given Joke a set of keys to the various doors. The moment he got home, all Joke's things were already inside, and he saw Joke saying goodbye to Anton. It pained him for Anton, right through his joy at Joke's arrival. He walked in, walked up to them both.

"Anton, I have already thanked you for everything you have done for Joke, and therefore also for me. I must honestly say, I have admired you from day one, and have come to love you like a brother, a friend. If you want it, if you both want it, know that you are always welcome here!"

Anton nodded and smiled. "Thank you. Right now, I don't pull that off yet, but as soon as I can handle it, I will definitely let you know. I'm going now, all the best to you!"

To chapter 101. Patricia

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