Bianca felt her mobile buzzing, fished it out of her pocket with her free hand and discovered it was a message from Ineke. She asked if it would be convenient if she came over now. Using her thumb, she typed back that she would come out in five minutes to wait for her. She got a thumbs up in confirmation.

"Ineke is coming this way," she told Lisa, "I told her on the movie night that I had rediscovered my childhood hobby and she thought it would be fun to come and watch."

"How nice that she dared to do that. They haven't really gone out yet."

"That's true, only as a group they have walked around the grounds a bit. I offered to take her out that way, wait for her on the open area, from where I can see The Shelter. She thought she would then dare. How she goes back after that, we'll see. Maybe I'll walk with her for a while."

Bianca wiped Julian's mouth and decided already to go outside with him. There, she looked for a moment for the right spot from where she could see The Shelter. She saw that Ineke was already on the lookout in front of the window. They waved to each other, then Ineke came out. She looked around nervously and started running, as Bianca walked in her direction. It hit Bianca, that fear was rushing Ineke so much.

When Ineke reached her, Bianca put an arm around her shoulders.

"You did it! Nice that you came."

Ineke gasped from running. "Yes, I really wanted to get away, to you, and to you, Julian. Boy, I'm really out of shape!"

Inside the washroom, Bianca gave her a moment to catch her breath before they quietly climbed the stairs. On the first floor, Joke's voice came from her room again, "Hey Bianca, did you get any wiser from Huib?"

Bianca beckoned to Ineke: "Come along" and walking to the open door, saw that Joke turned to them.

"Sure enough, he could indeed explain it very well, just live together, follow your heart, feel what the child needs. That was the basic recipe! And we talked about education. He longs for something like a centre where children can discover themselves instead of having curriculum crammed down their throats. He is going to talk to Rosalie's parents about it, because they have experience with it, dealing with their little daughter in that way."

She went on to share what she herself had discovered about her fixed thinking, about the fixed patterns in which children are trapped at school and by parents. "Simon encouraged me to think about it myself, which is how he had learned from Erik. And I then did that out loud. That was a beautiful experience. So, my headache, as if my brain was pulled apart when I had to find another solution for my sewing because I had thought of something wrong, had everything to do with that. The fixed pattern of thinking, how you are supposed to think, how you are supposed to solve your problems, that fixed was pulled apart a bit. They all gave me a standing ovation! Julian stopped drinking in alarm hahaha, well, he had had enough, so that was no big deal. And you know what Simon also encouraged me with? That it was so beautiful that I felt free enough to feed Julian there, and that he really just liked it and had no strange thoughts about it. Sjaak and Huib totally agreed with him, and... well, then I said I felt at home, really at home. And I did. And I owe that to Anton, because he had spoken to me like a father. Beautiful, isn't it?"

Joke got emotional: "That's certainly beautiful! Do you mind if I tell him? That will be encouraging for him as well, then he'll know he's headed in the right direction."

"Yes, do! By the way, this is Ineke, she's come to visit me for a while."

Joke nodded: "I recognize you by face, you were walking in a group near The Shelter recently. Lovely for you to get away from it all. Enjoy it together, have a good time! I'm moving on again; my story is running like crazy!"

Bianca and Ineke laughed and wished her lots of fun.

"Count on that," Joke replied, as she already started typing, "this is totally my thing! I wouldn't want to do anything else!"

Bianca and Ineke, chuckling, continued walking upstairs, where Bianca checked Julian's nappy one more time and laid him in his cot.

Bianca put her tray back on the table. "I plan to make the model of one of those Spanish dance dresses, but with these colors. Do you know those dance dresses?"

"Are they the ones with those wide skirts, often with red and black?"

"Yes exactly, that kind. And I had thought yesterday, that I could sew those strips under each other like that, but thought this morning, that I would then get a wide skirt, but not the ruffles that I liked so much. So, what I have to do now... I'm going to make a skirt, to which I'm going to sew those strips, then it will be ruffles."

Ineke nodded, but looked dubious.

"What's going through your mind?"

"So do you know how far apart you have to fasten them?"

"No, not yet actually... damn, so then I can't decide how many more strips to cut."

Bianca was silent for a moment, imagining the doll in her dance dress. "You know what? I'm going to do it on spec, I can see roughly in front of me how long and how wide the dress should be, so I'm just going to make that kind of underskirt like that, and then I'm going to fill it with strips."

"With a train, a short train?" asked Ineke. "Sorry, I'm just saying what I see in front of me, but it might also be very awkward."

"No idea, I'll have a look on the internet... No, I won't. I see before me what you mean, and I love it! I'm going to make that petticoat with a train, not immensely long, otherwise she'll fall over when she dances, but it needs a train. That thing will be almost stiff with strips, so she won't fall over easily. Funny hey, it's for a doll, but I can just see her dancing in it." Bianca smiled mischievously. "My doll of the thrift store is becoming a real Spanish Flamingo dancer!"

"And is this now what you feel is what really suits you?" asked Ineke. "I don't mean that wrong mind you, but my parents have always hounded me so much towards a high level, preferably something at university, because then I would become important."

"Bloody hell," Bianca shot out, "as if with a low education you wouldn't be. I mean, you are who you are, and as such you are important, not because of a degree or whatever you do. What did you end up doing?"

"I started studying to be a primary school teacher. But what you just told Joke, about standard thinking and all that, that hit me. Somehow I felt the same way on that education, but I didn't think about it any further, it was the way we taught it. So there you have it already, not thinking further about it, not thinking for myself... the system does work hey, just the wrong way."

"But beyond that, teaching, did you really feel that was what suited you?"

"Yes, that's what I thought, but the way education works, so there's nothing right about it. The few conversations with you, on the movie night and again now, confused me quite a bit. I enjoy dealing with children, I want to help them, one step further each time, but not so forcibly rush through the books the school provides within that one year. I have already noticed during my internships, that some children want much more, and other children hardly seem to progress. Those children are then doomed to be problem children, but actually, as adults, we have created a problem for them. We force them in a direction they may not be able to go at all. Could it be that a child, if he is allowed to discover for himself, if he is handed things, possibilities, all kinds of different things, that he will then find his own way?"

Bianca nodded, sat down on the chair by the table and gestured to Ineke that she could feel free to take a seat on the rocking chair. She told what she knew about Rosalie, about how, as a four-year-old, she taught herself to read and write, even work on the computer.

"She looks things up on the internet and she's not even five. I've heard Margreet talk about it before. That girl spent some time at a primary school in her previous home town. She hated it there, she felt the teacher didn't understand her, she wanted more, and she already knew a lot more. So now they have moved, live in a detached house with a very large garden, and have not registered Rosalie at a school. When she turns five, she will be compulsory education, but I don't expect that they will still send her to a school then."

"But won't she get lonely then? Will she have girlfriends?"

"Yes, Gloria is her best friend. And apart from that, she has many adult friends. When Margreet talks about it, it doesn't seem harmful. It seems so very normal. Could it be that a young child's soul is actually already fully grown, but we adults keep that soul small? Yes, that's it, that standard thinking alone keeps a soul small. A child forgets to think from within. And all those rules we impose on a child. Children have to be quiet in class, and I can understand that in itself, but imagine being a very fiery child who has to restrain himself throughout the school day. Imagine the pressure such a child then builds up within itself! That can't be healthy, can it? Huib said he had also had a bad time at school. His parents just hung out with him, just living together, he said. And his father knew from the inside that Huib was going to do something with wood, that that suited him. And he just led him in that direction, watched what Huib was doing, and went along with that. And Huib has really found his way!"

"True yes, he loves doing it so much and he makes such beautiful things! He also made our beds, with beautiful butterflies on the footboard. And the verandas, that trellis, just like here at the guesthouse, with those simple tulip shapes at different heights. With us, he made butterflies in them instead of tulips. We are like caterpillars in a cocoon, and when it's ready, we fly away like butterflies, to another house, maybe a job. And then my thoughts return to the question of what I would want in the future. I have my degree, could look for a job in education, but I don't envision that at all, especially after this conversation. But what else?"

"Huib was going to talk to Rosalie's parents about a centre where children could develop more on their own, explore, learn. Would that be something for you, to guide in something like that?"

Bianca saw Ineke's face relax, a smile emerging, before she slowly nodded and said, "Yes... yes, that could be something I could totally put myself into. I am trying to imagine it, but I must honestly say, I still find that very difficult. I can't imagine at all how that would work. For example, if a child doesn't want to learn anything at all, how do you still help him progress?"

"Why would a child not want to learn at all?" asked Bianca, thinking of the answer for herself. She saw a thinking wrinkle appear in Ineke's forehead. There was silence for a moment before Ineke answered hesitantly, "Could it be because we as adults, parents and teachers, have limited them by keeping them so small? Yes indeed, we already force children in a certain direction when they are still small. What you said about keeping the soul small... So suppose a child does grow up free with his parents, would he want to learn at such a discovery centre or something? Yeah right? Then that comes from within... Boy, this is all new to me, but I think it's true."

"It's new to me too," Bianca said, "but Huib has grown up with it, and the others are also very much into it. There is a lot of talk here about inner healing and the power of the soul. They are really conscious about it. It seems boring, but I find it a wonderful exploration! Now, if you talk to Huib or Margreet about it, maybe you can make contact with Rosalie in their house, to observe her. I wouldn't be surprised if that work is on your heart. You'll just have to get rid of some standard stuff you've learned."

"Yes, that anyway, but how?"

"Inner healing!" grinned Bianca. "From what I understand of it, that's the only way. Healing a bit further and further and then becoming more and more yourself."

"Do they all see a psychologist here, then?" asked Ineke in surprise.

"No, as far as I know nobody does, because it comes from within, from the soul. But Huib and Margreet can also tell you that much better than I can. I'm only just discovering it too."

Ineke nodded resolutely: "I'm definitely going to do that! You've made me curious! And I'm getting more and more interested in such a centre, such a... what did you call it?... discovery centre? Yes, that... I have no idea what that should look like, but it seems like something!"

Ineke felt full from their conversation, was excited, but also tired. She decided to go home, despite being there for such a short time.

"Never mind, we'll see each other again, here or with you, or with one of the others. Just take your rest at home, our conversation must have stirred things up. I feel it too!" said Bianca. "Shall I walk with you?"

"Gladly," confessed Ineke. She took a quick look at Julian in the cot.

"He's asleep," said Bianca, "he won't miss me if I walk with you for a moment!"

To chapter 17. Elly searches

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