For a week now, Koos had been staring at the clips, every day again. The pictures Olivia and he himself had taken during their holiday at Bloemenhof passed by, lightly glued together so that they blended together. Lisa's music, and by the third one, Sjaak's too, sounded through the speakers.

He heard Olivia sigh next to him: " So beautiful hey, so simple, but so beautiful."

Koos nodded, wiping away the tears that were already streaming down his cheeks again.

"I don't know what it is, but the tears keep coming when I listen to it. It's like I'm being rinsed clean inside. A kind of inner shower. What it is exactly I don't know, but it feels good, very good."

"Yes, it's something like that, with me it also feels good. I don't understand it all, but something is happening inside because of those clips."

"They are beautiful pictures," Koos articulated what had been going through his mind for a while, "but because we took them in December, there is comparatively not much colour to them. Do you know what I feel like doing? To start giving them colour, with one of those programmes that let you change photos, edit them. It seems to me that you can also colour the photos quite well, or maybe put parts of one photo into another, mix things up. I don't know, I have no idea what is possible, but actually I would really like to get started with that. But how? What do I need then, and how does it work?"

"Now if you send Sjaak a message, maybe he would know?" suggested Olivia.

Koos stood up: "I know even better, I'll call him. I have to do something with this, the urge is too strong to wait unnecessarily."

"Wait a minute, as a matter of fact, I have something similar," Olivia began. "I have a very crazy desire, I don't know at all if it can be done, yes, I know it can be done, but I don't know if I can do it myself. Let me show you."

She pulled the computer keyboard slightly towards her, searched YouTube for a video of a woman with special glasses on and two things in her hands doing painting without paint. "I saw this a few weeks ago, other of her videos too, and I felt such a desire to do that too. It seems terribly complicated to me, but since those clips of Sjaak and Lisa, the desire has only grown stronger, to be so wonderfully free. I have no idea if I could make a figure, or if it would just be colour blends, but I want this so badly. Don't you think that's crazy?"

"Well no, not crazy at all! I can actually imagine it quite well, it looks so wonderfully free and simple and yet.... I don't understand, how on earth does she do this?"

Olivia suggested sending Sjaak an e-mail instead of calling him, and then sending him the link of this video and presenting the desires of both of them. Koos nodded: "Will do, I'm curious!"

.

Sjaak was surprised by the email from Koos and Olivia. "Lisa, get this, a cool mail from Koos and Olivia. Those people are also exploring their creativity." He read to her, as she breast-fed William, about what their clips did to them, over and over again, about Koos' desire to start doing something with their pictures, colouring them in himself, fantasising with them, and that Olivia had seen a video, weeks ago, and that she had such a desire, especially now that the streams of tears had apparently washed away all sorts of things, to start doing something like that.

"I haven't watched the clip she referred to yet..." Sjaak clicked the link, YouTube opened and the clip started. He enlarged it to full screen, so Lisa could watch the clip from her rocking chair.

Lisa looked open-mouthed: "Damn, what kind of art is that? How does she do that? I don't think she can see anything with that crazy thing on her head, what weird glasses! And two little pokers in her hands... And it looks like she's using a painter's palette. Yeah right, how can that be?"

Sjaak had seen those glasses before: "I think those are 3D glasses, you can watch films in 3D with those, so it looks like you're in the film yourself. I didn't know you could do such things with them too... great hey!"

When the movie ended, he looked at Lisa: "That photoshopping thing he's talking about can also be done with that programme Ilse installed with us. She has renamed the programme to gallery property. I'll ask her if she thinks what I think, that Koos and Olivia have discovered their own creativity and that they might be a perfect fit for our gallery. I'll email Koos back, that I'm going to inquire. And then I'll ask Ilse sometime if she can come here to discuss it."

Less than 15 minutes later Ilse was standing in the living room, looking rapturously at William who had just finished drinking and was now lying against Lisa's shoulder to possibly burp. "What a lovely little guy..." She sat down on the armrest of the sofa to get a better look at him. "Are you doing well yourself, Lisa?"

"Yes, thankfully so! All the tension is gone, wonderful! And this is pure enjoyment. He sleeps well, even when I play the violin or cello. He drinks well. Everything is actually going well. It amazes me how we got used almost immediately, as if the three of us have always been together."

Sjaak nodded: "Yes, I experience it that way too, really very special. We found our niche together so quickly, also just for the care, all the practical things you want to take into account now. It's just running smoothly!"

"Lovely the way you say that, that you want to take it into account, not have to, but want to. It's your choice, your desire to make allowances. You are a beautiful couple together! But tell me, you had received an email."

"Yes, read it yourself, the video is already on the right."

Ilse's eyes flashed across the screen. "So this Koos wants to go photoshopping and Olivia... like in this clip... Oh painting with 3D glasses and Open Brush, that's what that programme is called. That is so incredibly beautiful! So the painting is also three-dimensional, beautiful! I don't know exactly how that works and what you need for it, but write to them that I'm going to find out. And tell Koos, I'm happy to share my programme with him. If he likes it, I do want to go to them sometime to install that and get him started."

"OK, I will," said Sjaak, "they'll love that. Thanks for your help!"

"You know how much I love doing such things... these could well become gallery people. They have continued to heal, partly because of your clips! It works, dear people!"

"Yeah!" roared Sjaak enthusiastically. Laughing, Ilse went home.

.

Within a few hours, she had figured out what Olivia needed to actually get started with an Open Brush programme. She had looked up the minimum specifications for the computer, video card, processor, and not to mention the right 3D glasses.

A few days later it was settled, and Ilse, along with Katja as a companion, set off to meet Koos and Olivia. Ilse and Katja expected this to be a young couple, and were both surprised to find a couple considerably older.... Katja, delightfully open, burst out laughing and explained their surprise: "When it comes to this kind of computer work, we think of young people, adolescents and young adults. You really are a nice surprise!"

"You don't half know how young we are. Our bodies don't really realise that anymore, but our insides do! We've only gotten younger lately, feeling about twenty, thirty, don't we, Koos?"

"Yes, something like that, so you've estimated us perfectly. Come in anyway, otherwise we can't get started!" laughed Koos.

Ilse and Katja hung up their coats and followed them into the living room. "The computers are upstairs, but shall we have a drink first?" asked Olivia.

Ilse and Katja could see from Koos that he was struggling with it, and they well understood that. He was so curious about the photo editing programme!

"Olivia," said Ilse, "is it an idea if we have a drink upstairs, while I install the programme for Koos. After all, that needs some time before he can start trying out the programme."

Olivia laughed: "You are a best, Ilse, you have a good sense of how eager he is to get started with it!" She put her hands on Koos' shoulders and gave him a kiss. "The idea had occurred to him, and it became such a strong desire. So I can understand that too, I would love to start that painting programme too. Very peculiar, because I have no idea what to imagine with it, what to do."

Ilse laughed: "I don't really know yet either, but I do know what you need for it. And once you have that, it's a matter of figuring it out, trying it out."

"Do you all want coffee?"

Everyone responded affirmatively.

"You girls go ahead and join Koos upstairs, I'll follow you with the coffee in a minute," Olivia suggested.

"Shall I help you, Olivia?" asked Katja, "then we'll both take two mugs or cups upstairs."

"Mugs you know, we discovered that at Bloemenhof. Girl, what a great week we had there. If we don't get blastingly addicted to our new hobbies, we'll definitely have to go there again soon!"

"They'll love that when you come again," Katja said, as they waited together at the coffee machine. "They talked really happily about you two. They told us about your nice contact with those two teenage girls."

"Ah yes, those girls, real sweethearts!"

"And Sjaak told us about your photo series, that guests can still view them in the guesthouse's living room. Those are those photos Sjaak and Lisa used for the clips, aren't they?"

"I recognised most of them from that. He may have used some from his own collection too, I don't know exactly. Joh, I suddenly get an idea. If I get a bit handy with that Brush programme, then maybe they could use that for clips like that too. Just as a variation. Well, first find out how it all works. I don't even know if you can make a clip of it yourself. That woman I saw doing it on YouTube had a camera there filming from outside, filming her as well. So much fun, of course, but I don't want to be on it myself. I can imagine, though, that if I made something, I would like it if I could then film it from that programme, say from the inside. I have no idea if that's possible..."

"Me neither, I didn't even know the entire programme. Ilse showed it to me last week and I must honestly say that I did find it very special. I don't yet know that whole 3D world on the computer."

"And what do you enjoy doing, what would you like to lose yourself in all day, so to speak?"

"I really have no idea," Katja replied, "and I find that quite difficult. I live with three women in The Shelter. Ilse has that computer work, absolutely loves it and just buries herself in it. Maureen has discovered she can make beautiful figurines out of candle wax. Just imagine, standing at a table in Huib's woodshed playing with a candle, dripping on a base plate, fiddling around with knives and spoons on her artwork and the result is royal! And then we have Ineke, who always wanted to do something with children. She trained as a group teacher for a primary school, but discovered during her internship that she hated the education system. At Huib and Margreet's, she met a four-year-old girl who learns by discovering for herself. That child seems like a prodigy, but her parents told her she is not, but that they have always considered her a free child and have let her do her thing. Now they are going to set up a discovery centre for children, and there Ineke can work as a mentor, and meanwhile discover more things herself. So funny, she has already gone into the garden with Sjaak a few times to do some things as a gardener. She quite likes it, is happy to have discovered some new things, but it is not really her job, at most as a kind of hobby along with it. And she has signed up with Annerieke for a discovery tour baking cake. She then works up together with Annerieke, making her own cake. She has done it twice now, and it really was a success both times. But even that is not her basic thing, not her heart's desire. It's fun for once, but nothing more. She really wants to engage with children, give them the chance to discover, and discover for herself what she can guide them in, what those children need. My, how I am rattling on..."

"That's fine, Katja, I like hearing from you how things are going with the people around you. I do regret that you yourself haven't found your way yet, but I have faith that it will come. What did you like best as a child?" asked Olivia, as they both grabbed two mugs and walked upstairs.

"Well, you know what's so crazy? I don't remember that! And I can't stand that, because somewhere I have a feeling, that if I can remember that, that I will find in it what I really like, what my heart will go out to."

"Just wait Katja, it's going to come. I suspect that a lot of misery has been laid on you at a very young age, which means that at the moment what you used to love is not visible. But I promise you that it will show up. What did those clips of Sjaak and Lisa do to you?"

Katja was surprised for a moment because the conversation seemed to take such a different turn. As Oliva pushed open the computer room door, Katja replied, "The first time I cried terribly. The second time, I got very angry, which was so ridiculous because I had no idea why. And the times after that, I've seen them a lot of times, the times after that I've been crying silently."

"Wonderful Katja, just keep watching and listening to such things. They are truly healing, Koos and I have experienced that too. We also sat and cried... and then certainty came to both of us about what we wanted to do! And all those things on the gallery website, do they touch you too?"

"Some do yes, especially those doll dresses by Bianca, they are so special. It's as if her goal is to transform those dolls into princesses, into dancers, into... the most beautiful girls in the world!"

"This is so important," Olivia said, "so important for all those girls and women who feel like black sheep, ugly ducklings, who hardly dare to look in the mirror... so important!"

Ilse, who was busy installing the programme on Koos' PC, heard what Olivia said. Shivers ran down her spine. She knew Katja felt like this, an ugly duckling. She knew Katja didn't want to look in the mirror in the bathroom. And even though she was such a beautiful woman... but well, what had all happened to make her think this way? The abuse, that of course, but before that...

Katja said nothing, but sat down stiffly on a chair. She stared into her coffee, taking a sip every now and then. She felt a huge ball forming in her stomach, a ball of pain and anger, of frustration and sadness. It was as if all the emotions came into action at once! She seemingly drank her coffee quietly, but Olivia felt very well, that her words had been touching. She had had no idea about it, but the moment she had said it, she had felt the power behind her words, the power of her soul, so that through her words the emo mess in Katja could be loosened a bit.

While Olivia remained quietly sitting with Katja, letting her go through her feelings, Ilse had managed to install the programme that allowed Koos to start editing photos. She showed him how to take a picture from his collection of photos and place it in the workspace. She then asked him to switch places so that he could start trying it himself. At first, Koos found it a bit scary, not daring to do much, but after a while Ilse was able to sit back as he tried all kinds of things himself.

"I dare to do this, just trying everything out with pictures that are not important yet. The only question is how to save them."

Ilse came forward again. "First go to the folder where you saved the photos. Okay, that folder is in drive D, I see. Would you mind going to drive D? How about you create two new folders here. Yes, that first one you call, for example, 'CreaPhotos work files'. Yes, something like that, if you want to make it something else, you can always do that. And the second folder 'CreaPhotos result'. Fine, then let's go back to the programme... Just click 'File' and 'Save as' at the top left. Now you actually have to give your work a name. I advised Sjaak and Lisa to just number their clips, and I would recommend the same for you, something like 'Photo 001'. You can always type an addition after that number later if you want to give the picture a description, a recognisable name that fits the picture or something. Furthermore, you have to choose the file type here."

Ilse showed Koos which addition belonged to a work file, and which to the result. She also showed him in the folders he had just created that he could always find those add-ons there too, in case he had forgotten which one to choose.

"Well, how does it seem to you so far?" asked Ilse.

"Amazing and overwhelming! I didn't think there were so many options. I'm going to have a wonderful time fiddling with it. If I have any questions, can I call or email you?"

"Yes, of course! You still have my details, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. Fantastic, I'm going to enjoy myself for now. I hope Olivia can get started soon too."

"In any case, I will definitely download her programme."

Ilse turned to Olivia, but she placed her index finger to her lips and nodded to Katja.

Ilse gestured, went to the other computer on her own and looked up the right programme. Olivia looked surprised, that she could just do that. She made a money gesture, to which Ilse shook her head in denial and raised her thumb, smiling. She turned back to Koos and showed him her note, on which she had written what Olivia needed.

"Do you have any idea what the specifications of her computer are? Or can I look them up myself?"

Koos grinned: "I know it's a good computer. She wanted a cheaper one at first, she didn't feel the need to spend more money on it, but I felt very strongly that I should buy this one, with this big screen. But I don't know the specifications. Can you find them on the computer itself?"

"Oh yes, piece of cake if you love computers as much as I do!"

She sat back down at Olivia's computer and started her search for the data she needed. She soon found them, added the numbers on her note and went back to Koos.

"This row she needs, but this is what she has. This computer is stronger and more comprehensive than what she needs. In other words, super perfect! Then all she needs are those 3D glasses with controllers! Shall I have a look on Marktplaats for a second-hand one? Or would you rather do a new one? A new one costs around five hundred euros, but they are also regularly offered second-hand."

Olivia suddenly forgot that she wanted to be quiet for Katja. She shot upright. "Almost five hundred euros? That will be way too crazy Koos, I'd just as rather buy paint, I'll just get on with that."

"Yes, fun you are," Koos responded, "and then having to keep buying new canvases and new paint, and don't forget the brushes, regularly new ones because the old ones are worn out. No dear," he said as he grabbed her by her shoulders. "This 3D painting is totally your thing. You are going to completely indulge in it. Going completely crazy for the first time in your life. And I don't give a damn what it costs! Sorry ladies, just flew out... You know we can spend that money just fine, and YOU are more than worth it!" Koos looked at her penetratingly.

Olivia plunged into his arms. "Why are you hitting that poor little nail so mercilessly on the head?" she moaned.

"Because that little nail needed that for a moment to put things in the right proportions. You had to know how often Huib hits a nail on the head. And you know how beautiful the result of his work is. What am I babbling about, you're just worth it dear, that's all that matters. I know it's hard for you to believe, but just wait, when you get those 3D glasses, you'll be so happy and you'll know, feel that it's true, that you're really worth it! Oh look, Ilse is already looking for you. You do that cleverly, look up a new one first and then copy the name to the second-hand Marketplace."

He saw Ilse shake her head. "I have already tried three brands, but no one is offering them at the moment."

She looked at Koos and Olivia. She saw that Olivia was in two minds, but suddenly something seemed to click, as if a light bulb went on.

"Just find a new one, let's go for it!" and muttering after it, "What do I care about the stupid money."

Totally unexpectedly, Katja burst out laughing. She laughed until it turned into crying. She cried with screeching fits and whimpered in between that she no longer understood anything. Ilse came out from behind the PC, got down on her knees in front of her and opened her arms invitingly. Katja let herself fall into her arms, let herself be embraced for the first time since she had come to live at The Shelter.

.

Katja cried until she ran out of tears, and Ilse let her go quietly, stroking her back silently.

"So darling, you went through it very deeply for a while," Ilse whispered when Katja had calmed down a bit again.

"Deep? Yes, very deep. I saw the other side of the world I think... terrible it was! I know it was good, but it was terrible in that moment. And now it feels like relief, like I can breathe better than before it started. I feel freer. Lovely! And I know what I'm going to do, I'm going to buy a doll's dress from Bianca. I don't know which one yet, maybe I'll ask her to make a special one for me. Yes, I'll do that, I'll ask her if I can buy a doll myself and then ask her to make a nice dress for her."

Olivia walked out of the room. Katja looked puzzled: "Did I say something wrong?" she asked Koos in despair.

Koos shook his head: "No, I suspect she's going to get something and she's so... ah, there she is already, just what I thought. When I saw you standing at the door, I had to think of that doll. It's just standing around in the little room next door, but we both knew there was something about it, that we shouldn't throw her away."

"That's what I had when I saw you. This doll looks like you, or you look like her, it depends on how you look at it!"

"Ah no, that doll is so beautiful!"

"True, and she looks like you, also so beautiful! And if you want it, you can ask Bianca to make it the prettiest girl in the world. Would you like to have it? I think we saved her for you!"

Katja blinked and swallowed her tears and looked at Koos and Olivia in turn. "Are you two really serious?"

They both nodded, resolutely crossing their arms as they stood against each other, side by side, as if forming a front together. Ilse was chuckling at the computer, "There's no getting away from that Katja, that doll just belongs to you!"

"Okay... really awesome... thank you!"

Katja hugged Olivia, and wanted to hug Koos too, but found it difficult because he was a man. Those rotten painful memories all over again! Seeing her hesitate, Koos held out his hands, inviting her to put her hands in. Holding the doll in her elbow-hole, she put her hands in his hands. "Thank you Koos, it means everything to me, you doing this, that doll, and this... your gesture with your hands. Boy..."

"Olivia," Ilse interrupted Katja's embarrassment, "I found one. All the specifications are correct. Do you sometimes order things on the internet? I mean, do you know how it works?"

"Yeah sure, just leave that page open and I'll take care of it later."

"Try to do it before five o'clock, then you'll have it tomorrow," Ilse advised. "Do you want to try it out yourself then or shall I come back tomorrow or the day after?"

"I like it when you come, but I actually want to try it out myself first. And I promise to ask you for help if I can't figure it out. Agreed?"

Ilse laughed: "Agreed! Shall we go home then, Katja?"

Katja nodded: "That's fine, do you want to drive? I'm relieved, but also terribly tired!"

"Is good girl, I'll drive. Dear friends, have fun with your new hobby. I look forward to seeing how you will experience it and what the results will be! Big surprises are in store! Oh drama Queen..." She smiled, grabbed her bag and walked downstairs with the others. They bid each other a hearty farewell, knowing they would see each other again, either here or at Estate Bloemenhof!

To chapter 42. What suits Katja?

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