Margreet walked to the laundry room. It was true, the washing machines weren't ready yet. From experience she knew they would be ready after coffee. She still had an hour to knit.

The door of their house was unlocked, from which she concluded that Huib was at home. She met him in the living room.

He greeted her with a brief but firm embrace. "You come nicely on time Margreet, I just fed the fireplace some more wood and stoked up the fire. Shall we have a cup of coffee in the meantime?"

"Yes, I'd like that. Did you take this morning off?"

"That's right, having a little weekend is nice too, especially now that we're together."

"Aha, I see! And I was thinking of going knitting."

"Cozy, in your nice rocking chair. I think I'll read. I borrowed one of those detectives from Mom, a detective by J.D. Robb. That's the detective pseudonym of Nora Roberts. I'm halfway through the book already, it's really great! Unfortunately, Annerieke doesn't have all the titles Nora wrote under her pseudo!"

"Then I'll ask her later if I can write down all the titles she does have from J.D. Robb. Then tomorrow I'll look in the thrift store to see if I can find more of them."

Huib laughed, "You and the thrift store, thick friends, aren't you?"

"Definitely, I think it's a genius invention, that for so absurdly little money you can buy such beautiful things there. Tomorrow Lisa is coming too, we'll go to the police station first, and then to the thrift store."

Margreet sat down in the rocking chair and took her knitting from the basket that stood beside it. "So, grandma sits, and grandma knits," she joked.

Huib chuckled, "And grandpa is off to read, a detective keeps me young!"

"I just have one more question, Huib... I'm actually feeling pretty insecure. It's cool to be here, to live here with you, but I feel insecure about when do you do something together, and when do you go your own way, and doesn’t that come at the expense of our relationship. I don't have any good experience at all, especially not from my childhood, as you know, and I find that quite difficult."

Huib nodded and thought. "I can imagine that, I don't know myself yet how it will be good for us either. I do have a particularly good example of my parents, but they are not you and me. I remember that they actually did quite a lot separately, even in the house. They went their own way, but then suddenly my father could get it. Then he'd start hugging my mom."

"Just in front of you?" Margreet asked puzzled.

"Yes, in front of me, but they didn't go beyond cuddling though, they didn't get out of the clothes! The only thing I did see was that sometimes a hand would slide under the other's clothes to stroke the back. But they didn't go any further than that when I was there. I do remember that Dad sometimes told her that he actually preferred to go upstairs. As an adolescent I vaguely understood what he meant, but mom didn't want that when I was at home. And in retrospect I can understand that, I mean... when we make love together, I don't want any unexpected spectators either!"

They laughed at the idea. Huib continued, "I think we just have to find our way in this, Gretel, in what we do together or separately. We'll have to get used to sharing what's in our hearts with each other, getting to know each other's desires and so on. And maybe take a break now and then to ask each other if everything is okay, if everything feels good. I don't know either Margreet, but I think we should do something like that, to get closer and closer to each other."

Margreet nodded as she continued to knit. "I'm sure it will work out, the tricky thing is only that I am used to established patterns, not only for knitting, but also for my behavior. I feel now that that is also something that has got me stuck. In this too I really want to learn to live!"

"You've been doing that for more than two weeks now. If you continue to heal at the same rapid pace, you will soon be living from your heart only!"

"Are you already doing that, do you think, living from your heart only?"

"I think for a large part I do," Huib considered, "but I sometimes feel doubt about it too, then I seem to do things out of habit. On the other hand, that's like what Anton said the other day about using a work list. What you do after breakfast is pretty standard. But in between, you get it in your heart to do something with flowers, and then you do it."

"Yeah, I think I get what you mean. And those flowers hey, that Lavender in the linen closet... Lisa and I discovered this morning that the towels already smell like Lavender! Fast huh?"

"That sure is fast! So it's working fine... We haven't changed anything in the guest house for months. We had some other things on our minds after Dad's passing. I'm curious to see how the guests like your flower work!"

Margreet smiled and continued knitting. Huib looked at her, infatuated, and then dove into his book.

.

During the coffee break at the guest house, Margreet asked Annerieke if she could make a list of the books she already had by J.D. Robb at her house, adding that she planned to check at the thrift store every now and then to see if she could get her hands on more. Annerieke was fine with it. "Gladly! Stop by later."

After hanging up the laundry, Margreet walked in on her after a few knocks on the door. Here it was coming home too. She had first thought to bring pen and paper, but then decided she might as well put that list in her mobile. While Annerieke made tea, Margreet looked for J.D. Robb's books in the bookcase. She typed the titles she found into her mobile.

"Do you think it's unsociable if I do this while you have the tea ready?" Margreet asked, as Annerieke entered with it and sat down in her rocking chair.

"If you were literally my daughter, would you have to sit up and beg?" replied Annerieke with a return question.

Margreet shot up in laughter. "Now that's exactly how I've often felt in the past, more on visits than at home. Okay, your answer is clear," she said with a wink. She grabbed her cell phone and continued.

To chapter 62. Restlessness due to fear

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