Ineke woke up on time thanks to her alarm clock, got up with a sense of happy expectation, knowing she would get to help Annerieke bake cakes this morning. Well, actually she would not be helping Annerieke, she would be baking a cake herself.

She kept her breakfast simple with a bowl of yoghurt with muesli and a mug of coffee. So, she could get on with it!

The only thing she was dreading was the short walk to the guesthouse. She had not asked Annerieke if she wanted to go on the lookout. She had deliberately not done so because she wanted to go one step further, one step closer to her freedom, but now that the time had come, she found it wildly exciting. Before she stepped out the door, she decided to go through the feeling of tension, of fear, to really feel what was happening inside her.

It only lasted ten minutes, but how intense it was! When she noticed it was subsiding, she decided to take the plunge. Wearing her coat loosely, she stepped outside, locked the door and headed out. With one hand, she held her coat slightly closed. She walked briskly on, regularly looking left and right.

How annoying that the abuse had started in a beautiful area, where she had been drawn into the bushes. The same guy had taken her and put her to work as a prostitute. But it had started in an area as beautiful as this landscape. It had been such a contradiction: something so terrible, started in such a beautiful area....

She was glad when she had arrived at the guesthouse. Annerieke had told her, she could go right in at the back, at the back by the drying area. That wasn't hard to find, and she saw the door right away too. She pulled it open, shot inside and quickly closed the door again. Panting from the quick walk and the excitement, she stood for a moment, leaning against the coats hanging on the coat rack. The next door opened and Lisa and Sjaak entered the washroom, saw her standing and understood that she had gone through a difficult stretch.

"Hey Ineke, did you come all by yourself?" asked Lisa.

Ineke nodded, "Yes, for the first time, after an anxiety attack, but I'm here, just recovering!"

"Brave woman," said Sjaak.

"Really," Lisa thought, "and it wasn't just an anxiety attack hey, this was another bit further in your process. A nasty touch and then a piece of healing. That doesn't make the unpleasant feeling go away at the moment, but it's good to start realising it," Lisa explained again.

"I had realised that as well, but equally it was intense. The misery started in such a beautiful area like this, so confronting!"

"Oh yes, I get that, scary! But actually quite good."

"Yes yes yes," laughed Ineke, "every confrontation is another step forward!"

"Oh well, sorry, I do tell such things quite often, don't I?" said Lisa.

"Yes, very often, but I think we need that too, otherwise we feel like we're drowning in our feelings! So thanks Lisa, just keep repeating it... I'll go and see Annerieke, after that door straight ahead, right into the kitchen, right?" Ineke asked.

"That' s right! Have fun with your next exploration!" Sjaak encouraged her, "and if you want to go exploring in the garden again, just let me know."

"I will!" laughed Ineke.

She took off her coat, checked her shoe soles and walked on to the kitchen.

"Ha Ineke, nice to have you here! Are you looking forward to it?" welcomed Annerieke.

"Oh yes, I'm so curious to see if I can do something like that too, bake such delicious, beautiful cakes... My mouth is almost watering already!"

Annerieke chuckled. "I almost finished cleaning up the guests' breakfast stuff. I put the recipe on the table. Especially for the first times you follow a recipe, it's useful to read it beforehand. Then you know a bit of what you are going to do. Just look through it in advance."

Ineke sat down and picked up the laminated recipe. Handy, laminated, then it stayed good for a long time, even though you would splatter all sorts of stuff on it.

She read the ingredients, the method, and stared at the picture. The cake in that picture was from a professional cake baker, and she was a beginner. She had never baked a cake before, so how would she manage something so beautiful?

Annerieke saw her watching, with a slight frown above her eyes.

"He looks complicated, doesn't he?"

"Yes, and so beautiful... from a real pastry chef!"

"Thank you, it's a picture of a cake I baked myself!" laughed Annerieke.

"Really?" Ineke was completely amazed. "Well, you've done it so many times too. I've never..."

Annerieke smiled, recognising the feeling, the feeling in advance that you won't manage something like this anyway, and the feeling that usually comes with that, that you are therefore not good enough... She put the last things in the dishwasher and set it to work.

"Ineke, I was thinking like this, if we both use half a sink, and the table as an extra, to be able to put something away for a while or something? And we could put the recipe here in the middle behind the tap against the wall, then we could both peek at it. And what else I had thought of... I think it would be handy to work on together. Waiting for each other when the other needs a bit more time. Does that seem like a good idea to you?"

"I find it difficult, Annerieke, I bang my head against it, that you have so much experience, and I have nothing. Your result in that picture is perfect, but I'm not going to manage that, am I? The graph of my inferiority flies up, it looks like crap!"

"That's a tough place to be. Shall we have a cup of coffee first? Then you can take the time you need."

"Yes, do so, then I'll take some time to go through it... Second session today, already at home this morning, anxiety attack because of my choice to come here all alone. I got through that well, so this should work too!"

Ineke remained seated at the table, her head supported by her hands. Annerieke put a mug of coffee in front of Ineke and put a hand on her head for a moment.

"It will be fine, just go through it," she whispered.

Ineke nodded, sipping her coffee.

It took more than half an hour, but Annerieke was in no hurry, thought this was more important than jerking off everything. She noticed, how her legs seemed on fire and she experienced occasional stabs of pain in her heart area. She knew the healed parts of her soul were working overtime for a while, radiating their power to Ineke. It didn't feel pleasant, but she accepted it, knew it would help Ineke.

.

When Bianca came to drink coffee in the kitchen, she found Annerieke and Ineke. They were cheerful, Ineke especially relieved. It had gone well, her own cake had turned out almost as beautifully as Annerieke's, and she had finally enjoyed it. Annerieke had let her have her way wonderfully, had not said much, but had given her the opportunity to look at her work and imitate her. This way of guiding felt different from her hour with Sjaak in the garden, but Ineke had experienced that it was good. She felt she was allowed to be as she was and to try. And she was really particularly surprised that it turned out to be so much easier than she had thought.

"I liked this work," she told Bianca, "but not the way Annerieke likes it. She indulges in it, I wouldn't be able to do that. Apparently it's not my thing, but for once it's really fun to do. And the result is stiffening up in the fridge."

Annerieke pulled open the fridge. Bianca saw the cakes standing there. "Nice work, Ineke, I can hardly see any difference. Can I taste a piece of yours tonight?"

Actually, she meant it a bit teasingly, but Ineke replied seriously: "That's alright, because I'll bring it to Margreet tonight, for your artist group meeting."

"Yeah, that evening can't go wrong already!" yelled Bianca.

To chapter 34. Meeting about the digital gallery

Or to the Table of contents