In the silence that followed, Martin realized that he didn't feel like talking much anymore. He wanted to love Elly with his hands, caress her, make her feel that she was everything to him. She didn't have to rely on words alone, because he had done that often enough, saying he loved her and calling her sweetheart. But those words had been empty far too often. They stood on their own, he had not let her see, had not let her experience what those words meant.

Now he longed to be able to make her feel that his heart really went out to her, not to seek her affirmation, but to give her affirmation, to let her feel loved.

In the silence he caressed her back, tickling with his fingertips over her shirt that she wore as a nightie. She lay still, with her eyes closed, one arm wrapped around him. He had no idea how it came across to her, but at least she seemed pretty relaxed. A good start.

It dawned on him how wonderful he found it himself, to caress her like that. His hand crawled under her shirt so he could stroke and tickle her back on her skin. Elly moved like a kitten being scratched behind the head, and snuggled even closer against him. Had they missed this all these years? The thought flashed through him and gave him a vicious stab in his belly.

He stroked, a little more intensely now, caressing her hips and her side, moving his hand up and feeling the bulge of her breast. He heard how she held her breath.

That struck him; he had really never touched her feelings before. What he was doing now was new. Oh yes, he had touched her breasts before, but never as affectionately as now, always fleetingly, for his own pleasure. And apparently that made all the difference, both to her and to himself.

He let his fingers slide forward, feeling the change in her skin as he reached the nipple areola. His finger went along the tiny points at the edge.

Elly held her breath even deeper as the muscles in her lower body tightened slightly. She had no idea what was happening inside her, she didn't know this. She felt like an adolescent being explored by her boyfriend for the first time. She found it exciting, but she also experienced it as nice, as funny, yes, it felt good. All sorts of things were happening inside her, fine things, and she had no influence over them, Martin was doing it, with her and for her. That thought made her happy, intensely happy.

She moved her upper body slightly so that Martin's finger was no longer stuck on her nipple areola, but was touching the nipple itself. The effect in her lower body was fierce. She had never felt this intense before. She remembered that she had felt the same thing very slightly when she was breastfeeding the children. Sucking on her breast, with their little tongues touching her nipple, that had caused a slight tingle. But that was nothing to what Martin was causing now by caressing her nipples, now even both nipples, with his fingertips.

She couldn't help but start squirming against him and panting lightly. Martin smiled. How sensitive his sweetheart was. He felt his heart open more to her, that he began to long for her more, to long to be her everything, to renew her life, to help her to heal, to discover who she was... to love her in everything.

The excitement, so new to Elly, suddenly met with a blockage. She pulled Martin tightly against her. "Stop for a moment, stop, I can’t handle it, it's not working. So bummer, it was so nice, but it seems like my body is going upside down."

"Your body upside down? And how does that feel to you?"

"It feels scary, really scary, I lose control of my own body."

"Maybe that's the idea, getting all excited and come, I don't think you have any control over that either. But let's not push it, just take it one step at a time. I would like you to feel safe, and to experience my love for you. That seems more important to me than a physical result, however nice that may be."

Elly nodded, pleased with his approach, his understanding. She calmed down as she stroked Martin's back and squeezed his shoulder blades gently. She felt confused, so many years married, and not knowing this. She let her hands go down his back and caressed his buttocks over the fabric of his underwear. From his reaction, Elly sensed that he liked it. "We're like adolescents, discovering each other for the first time..." she whispered.

Martin chuckled, "Better late than never. To be honest, I like it very much, it felt wonderful to caress you and feel how you reacted. And it feels sensational what you're doing to me, and you're only touching my butt!"

Elly burst out laughing: "See, you're a real adolescent!"

They laughed about it together and continued to cuddle for a while. He didn't mind that Elly didn't move her hand to caress his genitals. Apparently she wasn't ready to caress, to explore him there yet. And now that they had crossed the crossroad, he would be the last to push her in a direction she couldn't or wouldn't go.

To chapter 94. Elly dreams

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