Because she had a good contact with Jonathan, Patricia knew that Joke was now living with him and was officially divorced. Jonathan and Joke had no intention of getting married, experiencing it as a formality that did not suit their way of life, so Joke was henceforth called Joke Verhage again. She had even been to Soul Print Shop Bakker, to have her name changed there for the new books and for possible reprints.

"The road to Anton is free," Patricia muttered to her mirror image, brushing her hair. "But how do I find my way to his heart? I can hardly just offer myself, can I?"

Patricia, who like Jonathan had never consciously looked for a partner, also really had no experience at all with men, at least in private. She had no idea how to handle it. And that was compounded by the fact that she did not know what Anton was like emotionally at the moment. Just divorced from Joke, after so many years of marriage.

She had heard stories from Jonathan, about how Anton had been to Joke. What his goal had been, and how he had helped her towards that goal. And now he had let her go. Joke had wondered, rightly in Patricia's view, if he had not been more of a father than a partner to her. On the other hand, Joke had come to the conclusion, together with Jonathan, that that was not right, it seemed to be more of a mix of a father and a partner. Well, it didn't matter much anymore either. Anton was alone now, and Patricia had clearly sensed that she had a soul connection with him. Even Jonathan had sensed it, talked to her briefly about it, and had promised her not to talk to Joke about it yet. Patricia had felt she needed to find out for herself first. Unfortunately, after a few weeks, she still hadn't managed to do that. And so she had made an appointment with Jonathan and would visit Jonathan and Joke this morning. Just as a colleague, and she would see what came out of it.

.

Joke welcomed Patricia warmly. She genuinely enjoyed meeting this doctor again. She had already clicked with her in the hospital.

Jonathan came rolling down the stairs and greeted his colleague smiling. "Nice to have you here, Patricia! Fancy a coffee?"

"Always, what's a healthcare provider without coffee?"

"No idea, I have yet to meet the first one of that kind. Ladies, have a seat, I'll get that coffee machine working."

Moments later, he returned with a tray, containing not only coffee, but also three pieces of apple pie.

Patricia shot into laughter: "What a delicious surprise! Did one of you bake it yourself?"

"Indeed, we did that together," said Jonathan.

"Together?" asked Joke in surprise.

"Yes, I was your audience and taster, which is at least as important as the baking itself," said Jonathan very convincingly.

"Oh well, someone has to lick out that dough bowl..."

Patricia chuckled, "Lovely couple you are!"

"We certainly are," Jonathan responded, "I've always been happy with myself, with my life, but now, I've never been happier than now with Joke! And how about you then, Patricia, are you making any progress?"

Patricia's eyes flashed briefly from Jonathan to Joke and back again.

"Uhm, no, I haven't told Joke anything about your experiences yet. Sorry to take you by surprise, but that question came..."

"... straight from your soul," Patricia complemented, "I heard it from the way you asked. Well, let me think... to be honest Joke, when I first met Anton, I experienced something similar to what you experienced when you met Jonathan. I was terribly upset, just like Jonathan was at the time, because Anton and you were married. Now that has been in the past for a few weeks, but yes, still... I can't just jump on that man's neck, can I? He has, I suppose, quite a lot to deal with."

Joke smiled. "Yes, he has, but he had already gone through the worst of that during my hospitalisation. He had felt it immediately, the very first day, when I hadn't really noticed it myself. And I know he still finds it a bit difficult to find his bearings. But maybe meeting you again would actually help him."

"Yes, I could imagine that, but... I can't just ring his doorbell, can I?"

"That depends on how you're put together, I guess. But there might be an easier way. But then I'll have to see if that's possible, just a moment."

Joke looked up Pension Bloemenhof on her mobile. Next week... yes, it could be!

"Do you see any chance of taking holidays next week? A whole week, from Saturday to Saturday, or else from Monday to Friday?"

Patricia looked doubtful for a moment. "I have spare days from last year, and I could supplement them with a few days from this year, I think, but then I would have to ask the person in charge of planning. What do you have in mind?"

"I know that next week Anton is going to Pension Bloemenhof from next Saturday until the Saturday after that. We have been there together regularly. We have developed a deep friendship with that family there. Now if you would go there that week too..."

Patricia laughed: "Quite a coincidence! Well, most likely he won't even recognise me at first. And if he does recognise me, then that's fine too. Actually, the idea does entice me. I'll call the person who does the planning right away."

Patricia walked to the kitchen for a moment to make a quiet phone call. When she returned, she beamed. "It's possible! You don't half know what this does to me! It gives me hope... How to go on, how can I book?"

Joke helped her on her way. Patricia filled in her details and tapped send. Less than ten minutes later, she received a personal confirmation from Huib. She was absolutely welcome.

"Pooh! Now it's getting exciting. It's Thursday now, so I have to start packing my things tonight or tomorrow evening. Working this afternoon and tomorrow afternoon and then heading out on Saturday. Fortunately, it's not far away..."

Jonathan was grinning, causing Patricia to shoot out at him for a moment, "Yes, you have easy chatter, nicely settled with Joke, but I am still at the beginning, and I find it scary! Wouldn't he think I'm too young? How old is Anton anyway, Joke?

"He didn't really do birthdays and ages, but he's approaching sixty. What about you?"

"I'm approaching fifty, two years to go... Aren't I way too young for him then? Such a newcomer, I mean, I have absolutely no experience with relationships. Yes, with ordinary friendships, like with Jonathan and with a girlfriend, but nothing else. Oh, I find this extremely exciting, terrifying!"

"Ah Patricia, if you are soulmates... And apart from that, Anton is really a sweetheart. You know, that he has been afraid of ever meeting his soulmate while he was still married to me? He would have let you go, if I was still with him... But he always realised that he would hate that, because he saw at Bloemenhof estate what it did to people when they met their soulmate. We experienced it there three times in one year, that that happened. I didn't notice anything about Anton during that time, but lately he told me, he had been fighting with himself about that. He saw something there, which we didn't have, even though we had a very good time together. And he also longed for such a deep relationship, but if his soulmate had come at that time, he wouldn't have let me go because of it. Conversely, he did let go of me when I met Jonathan. Really Patricia, he is an amazing man!"

"I like to believe you, Joke, but would he find me an amazing woman too? Would he experience that click I felt when I looked at him on the other side of your hospital bed?"

"I suspect that will depend on how far he is in his processing. The more he has found his way without me, the more content with himself, the better he will experience that click. Just be yourself next week and you'll notice it soon enough!" Joke assured her.

.

Early Friday evening, Patricia handed over her last shift of the week to her colleague. Last night, she had already packed her suitcase. She had put a note on her dressing table, indicating what she still needed to take last minute. On her mobile phone, she had turned on the route planner. So basically, she was ready to go.

That felt empty for this last evening. She strolled through her house, out into her garden. If things worked out with Anton, would he feel at home here? Or would he prefer her to move to his house? She hoped not for the latter, but she would be up for it. She looked around her garden, more than happy with the wonderfully natural planting. Oh yes, she had put in some shrubs, but a lot of beautiful things had also come up spontaneously. Not that that was very visible now. No, not now, it was too early in the year for that. But in a few months, then everything would be budding again. Those hundreds of little pink flowers low to the ground, and the plantlets of them that would turn a beautiful reddish-brown after flowering. Those tall sprites that would then present themselves with hundreds of slightly larger pink flowers, giving off those funny seed fluff after flowering. And so many more plants unknown to her. No, she did not know names of most plants, but that did not bother her, she enjoyed what she saw, what she could touch, caress, and what she smelled. She loved it in summer when there were bees and bumblebees and butterflies moving from flower to flower, when sparrows and chickadees climbed into the panicles almost all year round to pick seeds or take sprites for their nests in spring. It was just a lively bunch. Would Anton love that too? Or would he prefer a neatly kept garden?

She walked back inside, having gotten cold. She put her cardigan over the stove for a moment and sauntered through the living room and kitchen, upstairs to the bedrooms. It was a small family home, and she had always lived here alone. Again the question came up, would Anton want to live here, be able to feel at home here?

Ah, one thing at a time, first he would have to feel at home with her, and vice versa she with him.

.

Saturday morning she slept late. She could only get into the guesthouse from three o'clock, and it was at most half an hour away.

She decided to take all the time she needed for an extended shower and a sort of brunch. While enjoying her brunch, she started in the first book Joke had written. She had ordered it through the gallery's website on Jonathan's recommendation.

"Wait a minute," she muttered to herself, "I'd better take that book with me, then I can have a nice read in bed in the evenings."

She put it in her suitcase, which was already downstairs, and sat back down at her dining table, where she topped a knäcker with cheese and slices of cucumber and took another mug of coffee. On her mobile phone, she looked up the gallery's website again. She had already noticed, when she ordered the book, that it contained a sizeable list of artists. Now that she had the time anyway, she could visit them.

She enjoyed the various artworks, was amazed at the different techniques that had been used. 'Those people should have a real gallery, so everyone could walk in there to see their work in real life,' she thought to herself.

Finally, she read the page about their Vision. Well, from their souls, that had already become clear to her. Aha, they also had vision to build a gallery in the future, but experienced that it was not yet the time for that at the moment.

"Nice, so that's still to come! Oops, Oops, it's almost half past two!"

She jumped up and started clearing the table. She decided to leave the dishes for what they were, only filling her mug with water so she wouldn't have to scrub on it next week. She closed all the windows and doors and left.

.

More than half an hour later, she arrived at Bloemenhof estate. She parked her car by the side of the road and got out, getting a quick impression of the surroundings before driving on to the car park. What she felt was an incredibly deep peace. It surprised her for a moment, but when she thought back to what Joke had told her about the people here, she felt it was right. She smiled, looking up as another car quietly drove by and turned towards the Bloemenhof parking lot. She had recognised the man behind the wheel, and noticed that her heart immediately started beating faster. Strange though, she had never really spoken to him....

She got back into her car and drove slowly down the same path. She saw that Anton had already taken his suitcase out of the car and looked up at her car for a moment. She thought he still looked a bit down.

She parked her car next to his, got out, hung her small backpack on her shoulder for so long, nodded to Anton and grabbed her suitcase from the boot. She purposely took a bit long, because she felt uncomfortable, and hoped Anton would walk to the front door of the guesthouse. When she locked her car, she saw that he had done just that. He had rang the bell and was just being greeted by the hostess. They were obviously friends of each other.

"Good afternoon!" the hostess greeted her, as Anton walked in and disappeared from sight. "Welcome to our guesthouse, I am Annerieke, and I suspect you are Patricia, is that right?"

Patricia nodded. "That's right yes," she said, walking into the hall at Annerieke's invitation. "What peace and quiet here, that whole area. I just stood on the road for a while enjoying it. Lovely! And all that wood outside and also in here, beautiful!"

"Yes, that is the work of Huib, my son. He lives with his wife and little daughter further down the estate. Woodworking is totally his thing!"

"Is it true that there is also work by him on that gallery website? I bought a book through that site not long ago, a book written by a patient of our hospital, a former patient by now. And I was having a nice look around that site this morning and came across woodwork there, which I think is also by Huib. Is that the same Huib?"

"Oh yes, definitely! He started with woodwork as you can see here, and lately has been doing more sculptures made of wood. His work shed is further down the estate. If you like to go and see him sometime, just keep to the right a bit, you can't miss that barn!"

"Does he like that too, when guests just drop by?" asked Patricia.

"Oh yes, without a doubt! Shall I show you around?"

Annerieke showed her the dining room and living room, told her the necessary things. By now Anton was nowhere to be seen, he knew his way around here! Annerieke took her upstairs, showed her bathrooms and the laundry baskets, and finally her room. Just as she was about to step in there, she saw that the door next door opened and Anton came up the landing. She smiled at him for a moment, but said nothing further. Annerieke pointed her the card with phone numbers and other important information and asked if she had any further questions.

"No, it's all clear, thank you!"

"Then I'll continue downstairs," Annerieke said, "we'll see each other at dinner!"

Patricia nodded, turned around and started to open her suitcase. She would stay here for a whole week, and she didn't feel like living out of the suitcase. She put her clothes in the wardrobe, some toiletries on the shelf by the sink, and was startled by a knock on her open door.

"May I disturb you for a moment?" asked Anton.

"Oh, you're not disturbing at all. We have all the time to ourselves here," Patricia replied.

"Yes, we do. You know, I saw you get out of the car and vaguely recognised you from somewhere. It was only when I walked up the stairs, and heard you say something about a book written by a former patient, that I remembered. You work in the hospital where Joke lay, if I am not mistaken as a doctor."

Patricia smiled and nodded. "True yes, and my name is Patricia Vermaas. Indeed, I bought a book by Joke. I started in it this morning, but then thought I'd better put it in my suitcase to read it here. My colleague was raving about it."

"Jonathan?"

"Yes, Jonathan."

"Wonderful guy, you have a good colleague in him, and Joke has found her soulmate in him."

"Yes... you've had a difficult time, I think. How are you doing now?"

"Already better, but I still feel a bit like I need to find my bearings. I don't really feel at home in my own house anymore. To be honest, it's always been more Jokes house too, her style, so to speak. And that was fine, but now that she no longer lives with me, it feels really weird. I've already considered doing some looking around for another house, and if that doesn't work out, I can always make some changes to the furniture. There's no rush, the main thing is to get my bearings again internally. Things are improving, but that part of the process is not quite finished yet. Even though Joke and I are not soul mates, it still feels like a piece of myself has been cut off with her departure. And that wound really needs to heal properly before I can, I think, really move on well."

"And so how do you go through that process?"

"Feeling, well feeling, taking my feelings seriously, taking extra rest, that mainly. And somewhere I hope, that here, with the family here, good friends of mine, maybe I can gain some extra power. You know that too, don't you, that power from your soul?"

"Yes, right, Jonathan and I are the only two in our ward who use that regularly, consciously use it. That power finds its way anyway, of course, but just as Jonathan had done with Joke, just focus on the fracture and she was hardly in pain any more. I like being able to have holidays here, among people to whom you not only give, but who also radiate such power back."

"Recharging for a while, I can imagine you need that every now and then. I needed that more in the past too, because of my work. I have a company that provides parcel post. The company was growing, people were working their asses off, but the atmosphere wasn't improving. Then I really needed to recharge here every now and then. Last year or so, I started having more personal performance reviews with my employees. And since then, the atmosphere at work has been getting better, and I need it a little less myself to go out very regularly. Only now, because of the divorce, but that's a different kind of a reason. But anyway joh, I won't keep you any longer, I'm going to pay a visit to the youngsters. There are two young families living further on the estate, including Annerieke's son."

"The woodworker," Patricia smiled.

"Yes, that one, although these days I would prefer to call him wood artist, that's what his father used to call him."

"I saw his work on the site, and I read that there are plans to build a gallery in the future."

"Right, only the person who was going to draw the building is so small now, he can't do that yet. A one-year-old toddler."

Patricia shot into laughter: "No, that won't work yet. But is it already known then that he will do that?"

"Yes, almost certainly, for me personally actually really certain, his mother got that impression when she was only just pregnant, and the way she got that impression testified that it came straight from her soul. And beyond that, we'll just wait and see. By the way, feel free to contact those young couples, they love that! I'm going to look up Huib! See you later!"

"Okay, see you later!"

.

Moments later, Patricia also went outside. She wandered around the estate, suddenly being passed by a young girl.

"Hi, I'm Rosalie, I'm going to see Gloria!"

She stopped, to really connect for a moment. She noticed more often that sometimes she just liked that for a moment.

"Hi! I'm Patricia, and I'm coming to stay here for a week."

" Lovely for you, it's nice here! Are you all alone?"

"Yes, I'm not married or anything."

"Not yet, will be, he's nearby," said Rosalie.

"Who is nearby?" asked Patricia in surprise.

"The man who is your soulmate. It will be fine, don't worry. What kind of work do you do when you don't have a holiday?"

"I am a doctor in a hospital," Patricia told her smiling.

"You have power in your hands, and you really should use them more often. It saves sick people a lot of trouble! I'm moving on again!"

And away she was, running off like a spear.

Patricia remained standing, watching her, still too stunned by what Rosalie had said.

She looked up when she saw someone approaching from the left, a young woman with a little boy who by the looks of it could not walk for a very long time. At his mother's hand, he bravely stayed upright.

"Hello, are you a new lodger here?"

"Yes, I'm Patricia, I'm staying for a week."

"Fine yo, it's nice to be here. My name is Lisa by the way, and this gentleman here is William." She lifted him up, took him on her arm. "He doesn't say much yet, but he observes like the best. Look at the way he looks."

"Yes, wonderful..." Patricia held out her hand, and William slapped it. "Good, that one was a hit!" William laughed, holding out his hand because he wanted to do it again.

Lisa looked up, saw that Anton was standing by Huib's barn. He stood silently watching them. He waved when he saw that Lisa had discovered him, and came closer.

"Anton! I didn't know you were here!"

He hugged her. "Yeah yeah, just a week of refuelling here!"

"Right you are!"

"Ha William, will you join Anton for a moment?"

William held out his arms for Anton to grab him over.

"So say, you're not getting any lighter either!"

"No, luckily not Anton, that wouldn't be good!"

"That's right... And I saw you had already got hold of Patricia too. I still have to teach you not to hit women so hard, young man. See, you have to do it like this..."

Anton took a step towards Patricia, who immediately raised her hand again.

"Just softly," Anton said, caressing her hand with William's.

William allowed it for a moment, then jerked his hand free and clapped quite hard on Patricia's hand again. Patricia laughed, which William of course thought was wonderful.

"Well, Patricia can apparently take a bit," Anton chuckled.

"Yeah sure, no problem, but I'm going on, exploring the estate," she said.

"Oh, wait a minute, I wanted to ask you something else," Lisa said. "I saw that Rosalie just came by and said something to you. And then you looked quite bewildered."

"Yes, that girl hit the nail on the head, twice. Very special! Rosalie, funny, you never actually hear that name, but I saw a writer called Rosalie on the gallery's website this morning, and my gut says that's no coincidence."

"Trust your gut then, because that Rosalie you just spoke to is that writer! And if you find it hard to believe that, which I could very well understand, just go to the print shop, Soul Print Shop Bakker, they publish her booklets. In the living room of the guesthouse are leaflets of what we jokingly call 'our projects'. They are 'projects' we are associated with. Anyway, so it's in that leaflet, take a look if you feel like it! I'm off too, have a nice walk! And Anton, I'll see you around!"

"You bet!"

Anton turned, looked at Patricia for a moment and then walked quickly after her. "Do you like it if I walk with you or would you rather go alone?"

Patricia looked at him smiling: "I do like it if you walk with me."

They walked past Annerieke and Simon's house, Huib's work shed and Huib and Margreet's house. Anton did tell her who lived there, and waved to Margreet, but deliberately walked on with her. There was something about Patricia, but he did not yet know what. He couldn't quite get to it yet, but was determined to find out as soon as possible, because he felt it was important.

At the end of the estate, they came to the edge of the forest, separated by a fence. "Because of the animals that otherwise come here from the forest," Anton told her. They were leaning on the fence together, side by side, looking out into the forest.

Suddenly Patricia nudged him, very carefully. "A deer, over there," she whispered, leaning towards him to point properly.

At that same moment, Anton's heart skipped and then started beating harder. He tried to concentrate on the deer, but barely managed to do so.

'Patricia,' he thought, 'she is not just a woman, just a lodger... unbelievable, how intense this is.'

Anton didn't realise he was letting go of the deer and staring at Patricia. She was still looking at the deer, with a delighted expression on her face. As the deer walked away, she heaved a deep sigh and looked up, at Anton. It surprised her that he stared at her like that.

"You..." Anton began, but got no further.

Patricia kept looking at him, as a smile slowly appeared on her face.

"Me?" she asked.

Anton shook his head in surprise. "I think I see them flying..."

Patricia chuckled, "No way, I don't fly, I have both feet on the ground."

"Yes but..."

"Try, Anton, what's going on inside you? What's happening?"

"Sorry, I don't dare say it, I can't. It just can't be true! Sorry Patricia, I'm going back to the guesthouse, I need to think about this very carefully."

She put a hand on his arm. "That's good hey, do that," she said. She nodded at him encouragingly, being on fire for him. She felt for him, she longed for him, she thought he was incredibly fun, nice... there was so much! And she knew he had felt it, that he realised it. And yes, it seemed rather logical to her that it overwhelmed him.

In the distance, she heard the voice of Rosalie, the young writer. "Anton! Anton! You're here again! Anton? It's good, it's really good! I don't know what, but what you're thinking about, that's good, really really good! I'm going home, bye!"

Patricia had understood it word for word, and was standing by the fence after enjoying what the girl had shouted. She hoped it would help Anton. In the corner of her eye, she saw that someone was coming towards her. She looked up quietly, saw that it was Anton. She smiled at him, starting to beam as he stretched his arms wide invitingly.

Patricia did not hesitate for a second, letting herself sink into his arms. "Yes, it's good, Anton, it's really good."

A sob escaped from Anton's throat. "You... did you already know?"

"Yes," Patricia whispered, "that day you were sitting next to Jokes bed and I came in to briefly pass on the X-ray results. We looked at each other, and I knew. And that was so hard, because I had deliberately waited to meet my soulmate, and then I met you, and you were married... Luckily Jonathan and Joke sorted that out for us. And when I heard that, I was so happy, not only for myself, but also for you, because somewhere deep inside I felt that this sequence, so close together, would be best for you too. And then I was only left with the question of how to approach you. Well, Joke knew you would be here this week, and there turned out to be another room free, so I instructed the one who does our planning at the hospital to schedule me free from Saturday to Saturday. I won't have to start until the Monday after next weekend."

"Oh girl, thank you for coming after me," Anton whispered back, tucking his nose in her hair and inhaling her scent.

"I'm so glad you felt it right now today. We still have the whole week together!" said Patricia enthusiastically.

"Yes, and then the rest of our lives!" responded Anton happily, looking at her. "Oh Patricia, I am almost speechless. I don't know why, but for the last few weeks I've been thinking that something like this would be out of the question for me. I loved Joke, for so many years, and now suddenly it was over. All was over..."

"No way! We're going to enjoy ourselves together, Anton. I just have to confess something to you... for me, you are the first man to whom I give myself, in all respects. I am stepping into this relationship completely blank, while all around me I see chiefly sick relationships. I am incredibly happy, but also feel insecure, in all areas, including the physical. I know technically how everything works, I should as a doctor, but how the practice is..."

"Ssshht, let it wash over you. You are new to me too, so I am starting from scratch in all areas too. Equal start, up to the top together, right?"

Patricia laughed. He had heard that laugh from her once before, when William slapped her hand. Like then, he thought it sounded so great again now!

"It's almost dinner time, shall we just sit down together at the table?" asked Anton.

"Yes of course, we're really getting on well together, exploring and enjoying each other. I'm so happy, Anton, I'm so happy!"

Anton pulled her into his arms, pulled her stiffly against him, and kissed her on her neck, between her hair, to her cheek and on her mouth. And even though Patricia knew the theory, the practice completely overwhelmed her!

To chapter 102. In search of soul truth

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