After a wonderful night of dreams in which she danced with Huib through the garden, swaying in her fiery dress, Margreet awoke with intense longing for her so-called brother. She quickly called herself to order: he was her employer, and he was like a brother to her, and nothing more! Point taken! Unfortunately, this could not calm her heart and her resolute decision did not help to extinguish the fire inside her.

She sighed deeply, trying to relax. She only half succeeded, and still a little excited, she went downstairs for breakfast.

"Good morning together!" she greeted mother and son cheerfully.

"Ha Margreet, slept well?" asked Annerieke.

"Yes, fine! You too?"

Annerieke nodded, while Huib, who had already started eating, only mumbled something unintelligible.

He hadn't had such a quiet night, his longing for Margreet had determined his thoughts and eventually his dreams. Her entry and her cheerful greeting had given him a stab in his stomach, and made his desire even stronger. He decided to eat quickly, and then get to work. After the long summer, there was quite a bit to repair on the veranda, and today the weather was good for it. A bit cool, but dry with a little sunshine. If it were up to him, he could put Margreet out of his mind for the next few hours by giving himself completely to that repair.

He stood up. "I'll get started on the veranda in a minute. But I have to go to the DIY-store first. Do you need anything else from the village, Mom?"

"Yes, good of you to ask. Margreet bought that rocking chair the other day, I fell in love with it immediately. She told me there's another one just like it, but she didn't like the cushion. Would you pick up that chair for me? I still have enough pieces of fabric to make that cushion into something beautiful..."

"Okay, I'll drive over there in a minute. Do you need anything Margreet?" Actually, Huib wanted to avoid contact with her for a moment, but it seemed so unkind to pass her by.

"Not at the moment actually. Although..." she pondered, "Do you have one of those trashcan for me like in the guest rooms?"

"Oh yes, there are still a few in the broom cabinet, by the laundry detergent. We had bought a few extra at the time. Just take one upstairs, if you want."

"Fine! Then I don't need anything at the moment Huib."

Huib nodded with a deep sigh, "Good, then I'll go first."

He went out the door, leaving the women in the kitchen. They looked at each other, with a questioning look in their eyes.

"Do you know what's wrong with him?" Annerieke asked.

"I’ve no idea, last night we danced for a while, and it was just fine, I think there was nothing wrong."

Or there was everything going on, Annerieke thought, shrugging her shoulders. "Let's get to work, too."

.

In silence, each in company with her own thoughts, the women did their work. The morning flew by. After lunch Margreet asked if Annerieke had time to help her with the pattern for her vest.

"Yes indeed, I had already counted on that. And I just thought, we can do that at my place, then I'll start working on the cushion for the rocking chair. Huib will have put it somewhere already."

"Nice, I wonder what fabric you will use for it. I'll just get my stuff, I'll be right back!"

"Take it easy girl, I'm going to be busy here for a while," Annerieke responded... against the closed door. She chuckled. Nice girl, Margreet, still a little too stressed, but that would pass. She daydreamed about Margreet and Huib: they would be a lovely couple, they seemed to fit each other perfectly. And she tried to imagine Margreet as a daughter-in-law....

Margreet came storming in: "I'm here again!"

Annerieke smiled at her, "I can see that, I just called you, that you could take it easy because I was still busy here, but you didn't hear me anymore."

"No, indeed I didn't hear it! I didn't want to keep you waiting too long, that’s why I hurried."

"It's okay to keep me waiting, no problem, the day has plenty of minutes!"

"I don't understand how you manage to be so relaxed..."

"You don't need to understand that, sweetie. I used to be just like you, always worried about making others wait too long, always afraid that I wasn't doing things right or fast enough. I hounded myself, my feelings about myself hounded me. And now, now I feel fine, I am who I am. Of course I have sadness and masses of questions, but it doesn't affect who I am anymore. You're going to get to that point too, I promise you! So, I'm done here, shall we go?"

They grabbed their coats from the coat rack and walked toward the house. On their way, they waved to Sjaak, who was riding on the lawn mower.

"Are you in the mood for coffee or tea yet?" asked Annerieke.

"Yes, I do feel like tea."

"The same as last time?"

"Yes please, that one is so good!"

Annerieke returned to the room a moment later with two large glasses of tea.

"Shall we sit down at the dining table? Oh look," she interrupted herself, "I hadn't even seen it yet, the rocking chair, Huib has already given it a place. That rascal knows me well, I would have put it there myself!"

The rocking chair was near the fireplace. Annerieke threw another block of wood in there.

"That cushion is indeed not very nice. I have all my leftover fabric in the room next door."

The huge closet of sewing thread, knitting thread, and rags of fabric overwhelmed Margreet. "You could start a sewing store!"

"No, thanks, I'll stick to the guest house!" Annerieke responded laughing. She pulled several pieces of fabric slightly forward, pieces that might be nice for the pillow.

Margreet pointed to a dark red rag. "This is a nice color, so warm red," she said.

"I had my eye on that one, too. I think, that one would look beautiful in the corner by the fireplace. Let's take that one!" Annerieke pulled the rolled up fabric out from between the other rolls. "But first, let's get started with your pattern, and then you can start knitting. Are you ready?" she asked, as they walked back to the dining table.

Margreet nodded, "Yes, I'm ready," she said combatively.

She put her sweater and sketches on the table. She first looked at the sketches and the numbers they had put there last time, and began to calculate. Annerieke watched in amazement how handy Margreet was at it, even without a calculator. Apparently she was good at math, and had a clear spatial understanding. She quickly finished the first part, from the bottom to the armpits.

"I'll write it out more clearly later," Margreet reported, "first I'll continue with the top part, the armholes. That seems to be more difficult. By the way, I did feel that tension coming up again just now, like my brain was being pulled, but it wasn't as bad as yesterday."

On a notepad, she began to make notes for the top, how many needles she would need to knit and how many stitches she would need to reduce.

"This I find more difficult, here I can't foolishly divide the number of stitches to be reduced by the number of needles."

"I think, you just have to try a little bit, decrease more stitches at the beginning of the armhole, and then only one at some places. It may be, that you use your scheme, and while knitting you notice, that it is not right. Just keep in mind, that you'll have to pull out some more."

"Pull it out and start over," Margreet smiled. "The new variation on 'cry out and start over'."

Bravely, she began dividing the stitches for the armhole. Rows of numbers appeared on her draft. Annerieke could see from the deepening frown on her forehead, that it was indeed difficult for her. Finally, she seemed to be satisfied. She took a very deep breath and showed the note to Annerieke.

"That was disappointing for a while, the tension was bearable, but I thought it was intense."

"I'm sure you did, but you fought through it very well."

She looked at the various number rows.

"I think the last one is the best one. Just write everything out the way you find it convenient, and then you can start knitting. Oh, our tea, it has been drawn long enough by now."

Annerieke drained the tea holders and placed them on top of each other in a third glass.

"Delicious, such a big glass." Margreet took a sip, consciously tasting it. "This tea is really so good!" Enjoying, she took a few more sips and then began her pattern description. She noticed that even writing it out gave her a fierce tension in her head. Every now and then she would stop writing, take a few deep breaths, drink some more tea and continue again. When she finished, she proudly showed it to Annerieke.

"You did it, Margreet! I could see the tension, but you got through it well. You can start knitting now, great!"

Meanwhile, Annerieke had placed the pillow on the table and wrapped the fabric around it. She saw Margreet looking at her.

"I'm going to do it super simple, just wrap it around in one go, cut wide at the sides, zigzag and sew it on."

Margreet looked at her questioningly. "I can't see it in mind yet, but I'll be watching you while knitting!"

Annerieke laughed, "Do that!"

It became a pleasant time, crafting and chatting together. Unnoticed, Margreet sometimes told something about her childhood, how she had experienced things. Annerieke began to form an image of the web in which Margreet had gotten stuck unnoticed. That poor child, she thought to herself, she never had the chance to discover who she is, what she wants, what suits her. From her own experience she knew that life was a struggle then. She remembered well how she was lived by what people said or might think. It had cost her much effort and Erik much patience, to struggle through a process of inner healing. But it had been worth it! Margreet had already mentioned it, that she could do her work so relaxed and at a leisurely pace. In the past she had had to do her best to consciously enjoy beautiful and nice things, now she enjoyed them spontaneously. Life now flowed naturally from within her, that’s how Erik had called it. And he had been right!

Annerieke looked forward to the moment that Margreet could live like that too. She was grateful that Huib had taken her on. She decided that she would talk to him about the trial month, whether they could not give her a permanent contract sooner.

.

Annerieke glanced at the clock, it was already almost half past three. "We have to get back to the guest house Margreet, it's time to start cooking..."

"Fine, then I'll take off the laundry and come and help you afterwards." Margreet held her knitting for a moment to look at the result.

"It turned out beautifully Margreet! My pillow isn't finished yet, but the cover is already closed. Just some buttons on it, and it's finished! How do you like it?"

"I think it's beautiful, it's really a beautiful color. And I think it's special how you do this by hand."

Annerieke beamed, "Sewing by hand, I could do that nicely as a child. I hadn't done it for years, until Erik came up with the idea, that I would probably like that. That was so surprising, I had never told him that I used to love doing that, but he knew it from the inside out. Now that I myself am getting more inside impressions about myself and situations, I can enjoy that so much. That phrase 'follow your heart' really lives for me now!"

"That seems to be great, I know it for myself, but still experience it far too little. I want more of it," Margreet said longingly.

.

"I have so enjoyed these hours," Margreet confided to Annerieke on the way back. "So ordinary, doing some needlework together and drinking tea. Nothing special, but it felt so good!"

"Yes, wonderful huh, I had a great time too! I'm happy with you, you can be sure of that!"

"I want to believe you, but I still can't grasp it." 

"It will come," Annerieke replied friendly.

To chapter 29. Huib and Margreet want to move on together, but...

Or to the Table of contents