Margreet had finished on the floor of the guest rooms. As she worked, she had thought how special it was that she didn't actually run into her parents at all anymore. She found it wonderfully quiet.

She would go home soon to make a list of what she wanted to pick up at her parents' house this afternoon, and a farewell note that she would leave there. Huib had already put a stack of folded moving boxes in the pickup and covered them with a large tarp, so if she had hung up the laundry after coffee, they could leave right away.

At home, she took pen and paper from the drawer of a desk and started the letter. It wasn’t easy. She was used to staying friendly, not showing feelings like frustration and anger, but she felt while writing that she was having the greatest difficulty in letting it be known in a clear way that she wanted no more contact and to make it sound friendly. She decided that wasn't possible, it would have to be a business like note.

She tried business like, crossed out, wrote again, scratched again, rewrote, feeling the tension in her head increase. She grabbed the piece of paper and squeezed it into a wad.

She put her hands on her head and tried to calm down.

That was how Huib found her. "Doesn’t it work, Gretel?"

He was surprised by a fierce look in her eyes when she looked at him. "No, not at all! I just don't know what to write in that note to my parents. I don't want to write angry, but friendly doesn't work either. I just thought it should be business like, but then again, what should I write?"

Huib picked up the wad and unfolded it. He tried to decipher what she had scratched through. He stood behind her and put his arms around her. "You know what your problem is? You are far too nice for this world! Even to the most horrible dictators and murderers you would still write a sweet note! Now if you don't think about the note, but try to imagine what you would like to say to them right here on the spot, what would that be?"

Margreet looked into his blue eyes, where his love for her radiated to her. She thought for a moment and then said, "That I have decided to break contact with them."

"Perfect! Write that down, it's clear, business like, and that's all they need. You've spent your life being sweet and nice, right up against their shit, it's okay to be clear and business like now, as short as you said it. Then they'll feel all the better that you mean it."

Margreet felt he was right. She picked up a new sheet of paper and wrote it down:

.

.

Dad and Mom,

.

I've collected my things

And I have decided to break contact with you

.

Margreet

.

.

She stared at it and asked, "Shouldn't there be something about wishing them all the best or something?"

"What would be the effect of that, do you think?"

"They would say to each other, it's certainly not all good that I'm breaking off contact. Hmm, I would thereby give them reason to judge again and find a way to argue with me again. Shouldn't have that!"

Resolute she grabbed the paper, folded it in half and slid it into an envelope. She taped it shut, preventing herself from changing her mind and changing the text again.

She let go of the list she had wanted to make. She would just go through everything in her former room and in the rest of her parents' house and grab together what she wanted to take.

"My bike, it's in the shed, we mustn't forget it!"

Huib nodded, "All right, we'll just walk past everything in there. Together!"

Margreet smiled, "I'm so glad you're behind me and helping me! I don't think I would have managed to make this step on my own..."

"Maybe not, at least not yet. But that doesn't matter anymore, because we're together, all together! But hey, something else, how was Lisa doing this morning?"

"I actually don't know, she was quiet at the table, and then I think she went to her room, she didn't come to help me. Strange actually. It's fine if she doesn't help, she doesn't have to. But I'm surprised she didn't say anything about it. I'll ask her over coffee later, if there's something wrong."

"Don't do that," said Huib, "I spoke to Sjaak briefly this morning. He shortly let me know that Lisa told him a lot about her past with Henk yesterday. And that it was much more severe than he had thought. He did not say anything about the content, he did not want to. He did not want to betray Lisa's trust. But Sjaak was so extremely furious, that this morning he just about murdered the garden with his shovel. No kidding, he rebounded to the ground with the shovel, stood furiously digging holes for the plants they had bought yesterday. For a gardener, that seems like the best way to react. He didn't tell how Lisa is doing now, what it has done to her to tell all about her past. But I can imagine, it didn't leave her cold!"

"How difficult all this is, for both of them..." Margreet stared out the window with a deep frown in her forehead. "I think Lisa has a good man in Sjaak. I like the fact that he didn't tell her story to you. That he didn't is a good sign. And also that he processes his anger in this innocent way. Lisa is so happy with him, she enjoys his calm and humor. Well, so he wasn't very calm this morning, but when he gets through that anger, I'm sure he will be again. And how happy I am that we can be there for each other here as a larger family. Lisa's problems are first and foremost hers and Sjaak's, but whether she tells us more or not, we too just stand by her!"

"That's my girl!" Huib said, beaming. "Do you come with me for coffee?"

With their arms around each other they walked to the guesthouse. "After coffee just hang up the laundry, and then we can leave," Margreet said to Huib, as she sat down next to Lisa.

Lisa heard it. "Is that today, that you guys are going to pick up your stuff?"

And when Margreet nodded: "Leave that laundry to me, then you can leave right after coffee. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this morning that I wasn't coming to help, there was something on my mind. And... I am going to move too, again, I stayed with Sjaak last night, and we agreed that I would move in with him. I can't explain it all, maybe later, but I just need to live with him. Then I will also feel safe at night, when I get nightmares. And most of all... I really feel at home with him."

She looked at Margreet smiling. Margreet saw that it was a smile with a kind of double bottom. Of course Lisa was happy to be with Sjaak, she belonged there with him, in his house, but her smile didn't reach her eyes in the way you would expect in doing so.

"Are you doing better now than this morning?" asked Margreet.

Lisa shook her head, "No, all sorts of things are going through my mind. Only briefly: I told Sjaak honestly everything about my marriage with Henk. That was more than I told you, much more. I couldn't tell anyone before. And right now I can't tell anyone, not even you. I'm sorry Margreet. But this afternoon Sjaak and I are going to move my things. And if we have any energy after that, we'll work in the garden together."

"Liesel..." Margreet pronounced her name very softly like a pet name, "you've said something about sorry to me twice now, but that's really not necessary. You are free to help me or not. And you are also free to tell or not to tell me what happened. You're the first person you have to consider in what you do or don't do, okay?"

Lisa frowned her forehead, "Me the first person? Hmm, that sounds selfish, but..." She thought for a moment, "You're right, I need it, everyone does actually, I think. Thank you for standing by me anyway. I did find it a bit difficult just now to come here for coffee, while I felt I had let you down with the work and to keep quiet about what I couldn't tell you yet."

Annerieke hadn't understood everything they said, but enough to be moved by the relationship of the young women she now considered both her daughters.

She looked at Sjaak, saw that his face was closed. He seemed unattainable. He surely wouldn't have it easy. Happy with Lisa, but not happy with the shit from her past, whatever that exactly might be.

Huib stood up, put his hand on Sjaak's shoulder, "Margreet and I are leaving in a moment, picking up her things at her parents' house. Is there anything I can do for you before then?"

Sjaak shook his head, "No, but thanks anyway. Have a good trip!"

"Thank you! We'll go Mom, Lisa, see you in the afternoon. We'll have lunch somewhere along the way, just to celebrate this step. Even if it's just a hamburger sandwich..."

"Good idea youngster, have a good time together!"

To chapter 98. Back to her childhood home

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